Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A parent is stumped that her almost 4-year-old says ‘no’ to everything -- daily transitions like going to or from school, attending a birthday party, even receiving a gift. “Sometimes it is as simple as an emphatic no,” she writes. “And sometimes this increases to more of a tantrum with crying and lots of no, no, no.” While she acknowledges and describes some dramatic upheavals in their household...

A parent shares understandable concerns about the effects of social distancing and isolation on her toddler's social development. Janet replies with reassuring observations about how children develop social intelligence and offers 5 tips for nurturing social-emotional health through this difficult time. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audi...

Leslie Priscilla Arreola-Hillebrand, founder of Latinx Parenting, joins Janet to discuss how the challenges parents face as products of our upbringing can make respectful, non-punitive parenting more difficult to achieve. Leslie shares how her experiences as an early childhood professional started her on a journey of self-reflection and healing, which then inspired her to create trauma informed pr...

A parent writes that for the past few weeks her son’s 3-year-old playmate will not share his toys. He cries, “That’s mine… he can’t play with it,” tries to take the toys back, and often has meltdowns. While she says her boy doesn’t seem particularly fazed by the behavior, the other boy’s mother is distressed and confused about expectations she should set about sharing toys at home. The writer says...

Janet shares a parent’s dramatic story recounting how she overcame her fear and doubt to allow her 6-year-old to express explosive emotions. In a wonderfully detailed e-mail to Janet, this mom describes a feeling of distance from her son and the respectful – albeit difficult, loud and sometimes scary – steps she took to welcome his “messy and uncomfortable” feelings and let them play out. In retro...

A parent consults with Janet about her son's struggles to interact socially with other kids. She feels he has no real friends and offers several examples where her son’s behavior becomes aggressive and unwelcome by playmates. He then becomes “sad and frustrated.” She writes: “As a mom, my heart breaks because I see him struggle to make a best friend. It seems like the kids at preschool click with...

Janet’s daughters share candid memories from their childhoods and consider how Janet's respectful parenting style has influenced their lives as toddlers, teens, and young adults. Using questions submitted to Janet's Facebook page as their guide, the sisters discuss intrinsic motivation, emotional health, independent play, sibling relationships, screen time and more. For more advice on common paren...

Janet shares what she describes as her most valuable advice for parents -- a mindset that brings clarity to our role in our children's lives, makes our job more enjoyable and successful, and may even offer us personal growth. Janet explains why and how this perspective works, offers practical examples, and touches on some of the common issues that can get in our way. As parents, we tend to questio...

Pediatric psychologist Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart joins Janet to discuss the common concerns parents have about anxiety in children. Dr. Lockhart explains how we can distinguish anxiety from normal childhood feelings of fear and worry. She also shares steps parents can take to alleviate anxiety and prevent it from becoming an issue. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's...

A parent is concerned that her 2.5-year-old won’t say hello or goodbye to adults, including people he’s familiar with like neighbors and teachers. This mom says that she's tried to encourage her son's manners through modeling. She also once coaxed him to say goodbye to his teacher, but he refused. Since that time, he's become even more resistant and sometimes yells at people not to talk to him. At...

Early childhood education specialist Mr. Chazz joins Janet to discuss the common challenges children face in preschool. Chazz is the current Educational Supervisor of 9 preschools, a passionate teacher who has interacted with thousands of children, and an inspiring coach for both parents and teachers. He shares strategies for effectively addressing behavior issues and offer insights for parents an...

Confused and dismayed, a parent asks Janet for help with a bedtime pattern that has developed with her 3-year-old. Her daughter keeps changing her mind about being tucked in. Unable to please her child either way, this mom leaves the room, which causes her daughter to explode. Upset by the outburst of emotion, she soon returns. “As soon as I go back she calms down, gets in bed, and lets me tuck he...

A parent wants to get out of a cycle of bribing her 3.5-year old and writes to Janet for help. “It seems that in order to get him to do anything, I have to offer a reward, treat, or special outing.” If these strategies don’t work, she says, she will threaten to take something away. This mom admits that she is a people pleaser, so when she does set a boundary, she feels guilty about it. She worries...

In response to a parent's question about her toddler's aggressive impulses toward her newborn sister, Janet suggests strategies for encouraging our children -- beginning in infancy-- to communicate their innermost thoughts, feelings and needs. This parent and her husband have followed Janet’s advice on siblings and believe they are “doing a decent job supporting them both – keeping our baby safe w...

A parent is distressed that his son says he doesn’t like, or is afraid of Black people, a sentiment that is abhorrent to him. "Worst of all," the dad writes, "he will say this when he sees Black neighbors." The dad realizes that his strong reactions may be making matters worse, but his son's statements are striking a particularly sensitive nerve. "If this were literally anything else I would just...

A parent writes that her 5-year-old has never recovered from the arrival of her younger brother (now 3.5 yrs). “Since he was born, she has subjected him to physical violence and verbal taunting.” She describes her daughter as bright and strong-willed, and her son as gentle, loving and forgiving. She says she has tried everything to help her daughter manage her emotions more appropriately, includin...

A parent writes that she’s overwhelmed by her two girls constantly demanding her attention, following her around their home and calling “Mommy! Mommy!” even if they are in the same room. “It’s driving me mad,” she writes. “It’s like a dripping tap. It is getting to the point where I just want to scream.” This mom notices that the girls don’t have this dynamic with their father. In fact, even if he...

Rosalia Rivera, an abuse prevention specialist and consent educator, joins Janet to outline how parents and caregivers can help prevent sexual abuse by educating the children in their lives about body safety, boundaries and consent. Rosalia is the mother of three young children and is herself a child sexual abuse survivor. She hosts the podcast “AboutConsent” and is the founder of Consent Parentin...

Two families reach out to Janet for help because they are struggling to get work done at home. Separating from their young children causes whining, crying and tantrums, which in turn interrupts and frustrates the parents. One parent writes: ”My son has significant tantrums about why daddy has to work… I really can’t take the tantrums anymore every time he sees or hears him.” With so many parents a...

A parent hopes to encourage her 21-month old’s self-directed play by sitting with her in her play area observing, “ready to respond if she engages with me.” Lately, she says, her daughter has been asking for help with tasks she can do by herself, and also actively directing both she and her husband to perform various roles. “She wants us to play, and she will watch.” This mom feels this dynamic ma...

Dr. Jennifer Eberhart, author of the best-selling book “Biased: Uncovering the Hidden Prejudice That Shapes What We See, Think, and Do,” joins Janet to discuss how racial bias develops in the brain and creates disparities in our neighborhoods, schools, workplaces, and the criminal justice system. As the mother of three sons, Jennifer has also witnessed the effects of bias in real time. She and Jan...

A frustrated parent writes that her almost 7-year-old will not accept no for an answer. When she wants something, she will whine and ask repeatedly to get her way. Her daughter is so relentless that this mom eventually loses her patience. She ends up screaming, and her daughter ends up crying. “I must be addressing the situation wrong at the first ask,” she admits. “I just don’t understand how she...

A parent describes the stress her family has been experiencing over the past several months and believes her 4.5 year old son has been particularly affected. “He was in Montessori and becoming very independent. Little by little, we’ve seen a huge regression in his behavior.” She describes a number of issues where she sees her son regressing, including hitting, kicking and throwing things; disrespe...

Kristen Coggins is a respiratory therapist, a positive discipline educator, a mom, and a Black woman, so she is very much in the eye of the current storm with a first-person perspective of the history unfolding around us. Krissy and Janet discuss the positive steps parents can take right now toward raising empathetic, anti-racist children, starting with the hard work of self-reflection with compas...

A stressed parent’s email prompted Janet to offer a phone consultation to address some of the common issues facing many parents who are now working at home. This mom says in her email that she has tried (and failed) to provide structure to the day to include uninterrupted one-on-one time with each child, periods where both she and her husband can concentrate on their work, and attempts at self-car...