Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Three different families write to Janet about their children's challenging behaviors. In one case, a 2.5-year-old has resumed an old behavior of hitting and scratching, “but this time around it feels like he’s doing it with more purpose.” Another parent says that when their 5-year-old exhibits rude behavior and is called on it, he gets angry and accuses both parents of being mean to him. A third p...

Cassandra Lane is an author, Editor-in-Chief of “LA Parent Magazine,” and a mother (something she vowed she would never be). She joins Janet to discuss her new book “We Are Bridges” in which her personal journey from a childhood of poverty and racism to motherhood is juxtaposed against the traumas and upheavals of her ancestors. Her artful storytelling, both memoir and historical imagining, remind...

Recently parents have written to Janet with concerns about their toddlers who are venturing back into the world post-Covid and seem afraid to interact with other children and adults. Several parents even use a similar description of their child seeming ‘frozen’ as they watch activity on a playground but refuse to join in. Janet offers some insight into what’s going on in these toddlers' minds and...

A YES space is a gift to both children and their parents. It offers children ownership of a safe place that encourages play, learning, creativity, agency, and a strong sense of self. Parents get to enjoy one of the great pleasures of parenting: observing their infant or toddler as they explore and master the world around them. Janet describes YES spaces in form and function, dispelling some common...

ADHD and career coach Lynn Miner-Rosen is unique among counselors because her own life experience includes two children with ADHD, as well as her own mid-life diagnosis. In the face of severe personal crises, Lynn re-invented herself professionally time and again, and she uses these experiences to bring insight, empathy, and encouragement to both parents of children with ADHD and adult clients see...

Janet discusses children's crucial need for boundaries and how our authentic responses can free kids up to create and explore. She shares a success story from a parent who says that her son began constantly demanding she draws pictures for him after she "made a rookie mistake” by drawing for him one time. From that moment on, her son became obsessed: “Inside, he’d bring me crayons and paper, and o...

A parent is concerned about the negative, judgmental comments her parents and in-laws make about her children’s behavior and their parenting. She writes that she and her husband try to implement Janet’s advice (with a mix of Montessori). While she says she isn’t personally offended by their old school opinions, she does worry about “the confusing, sometimes negative, shaming, mixed messages” and h...

A parent describes the past year as “brutal” and lists a series of traumatic life events. “I am not okay,” she admits, saying she doesn’t have the energy to remain unruffled when dealing with her kids and feels that she is failing them. While this mom is taking all the right steps to restore herself and find balance in her life, she wonders if Janet has advice about how to manage her needs and tho...

Pediatric urologist Dr. Steven Hodges joins Janet to address the most common questions parents have about children’s urinary and bowel problems. They discuss the physical and psychological reasons that challenges occur, what parents should look out for, and the practical steps we can take to both treat issues and prevent them from happening in the future. For more advice on common parenting issues...

A parent feels drained by her 5-year-old's extreme emotional reactions to even the most minor disappointments. While she and her husband encourage both their children to express all their feelings, their son has recently begun "to jump to a level 100 in tears the instant he gets frustrated or isn't given what he wants." His sobbing, screaming, and complaints that he's sad or hurt in these situatio...

A parent is concerned and torn about her 18-month-old daughter's swim lessons, because the toddler cries the entire time. This mom says: “I struggle with giving her bodily autonomy and respect while forcing her to take swim classes for her safety.” She is hoping Janet can help her reconcile her conflicted feelings. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling b...

Janet consults with a parent who says she feels utterly exasperated by her two young boys’ difficult behaviors. While she has a clear image of the kind of gentle, empathetic parent she wants to be, she says she loses her patience more often than not, and at the end of the day feels like a failure. “I’m so tired of the chaos in my home,” she writes, “that exists even on my best parenting days, even...

Bethany Saltman’s fascinating new book “Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment” recounts her personal, 10-year journey investigating the scientific theory of attachment. As a new mother, Bethany was afraid she simply “wasn’t enough” for her baby. Eventually, through intensive research and self-examination, she realized that everything she had read and thought she knew...

A parent is stumped that her almost 4-year-old says ‘no’ to everything -- daily transitions like going to or from school, attending a birthday party, even receiving a gift. “Sometimes it is as simple as an emphatic no,” she writes. “And sometimes this increases to more of a tantrum with crying and lots of no, no, no.” While she acknowledges and describes some dramatic upheavals in their household...

A parent shares understandable concerns about the effects of social distancing and isolation on her toddler's social development. Janet replies with reassuring observations about how children develop social intelligence and offers 5 tips for nurturing social-emotional health through this difficult time. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audi...

Leslie Priscilla Arreola-Hillebrand, founder of Latinx Parenting, joins Janet to discuss how the challenges parents face as products of our upbringing can make respectful, non-punitive parenting more difficult to achieve. Leslie shares how her experiences as an early childhood professional started her on a journey of self-reflection and healing, which then inspired her to create trauma informed pr...

A parent writes that for the past few weeks her son’s 3-year-old playmate will not share his toys. He cries, “That’s mine… he can’t play with it,” tries to take the toys back, and often has meltdowns. While she says her boy doesn’t seem particularly fazed by the behavior, the other boy’s mother is distressed and confused about expectations she should set about sharing toys at home. The writer says...

Janet shares a parent’s dramatic story recounting how she overcame her fear and doubt to allow her 6-year-old to express explosive emotions. In a wonderfully detailed e-mail to Janet, this mom describes a feeling of distance from her son and the respectful – albeit difficult, loud and sometimes scary – steps she took to welcome his “messy and uncomfortable” feelings and let them play out. In retro...

A parent consults with Janet about her son's struggles to interact socially with other kids. She feels he has no real friends and offers several examples where her son’s behavior becomes aggressive and unwelcome by playmates. He then becomes “sad and frustrated.” She writes: “As a mom, my heart breaks because I see him struggle to make a best friend. It seems like the kids at preschool click with...

Janet’s daughters share candid memories from their childhoods and consider how Janet's respectful parenting style has influenced their lives as toddlers, teens, and young adults. Using questions submitted to Janet's Facebook page as their guide, the sisters discuss intrinsic motivation, emotional health, independent play, sibling relationships, screen time and more. For more advice on common paren...

Janet shares what she describes as her most valuable advice for parents -- a mindset that brings clarity to our role in our children's lives, makes our job more enjoyable and successful, and may even offer us personal growth. Janet explains why and how this perspective works, offers practical examples, and touches on some of the common issues that can get in our way. As parents, we tend to questio...

Pediatric psychologist Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart joins Janet to discuss the common concerns parents have about anxiety in children. Dr. Lockhart explains how we can distinguish anxiety from normal childhood feelings of fear and worry. She also shares steps parents can take to alleviate anxiety and prevent it from becoming an issue. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's...

A parent is concerned that her 2.5-year-old won’t say hello or goodbye to adults, including people he’s familiar with like neighbors and teachers. This mom says that she's tried to encourage her son's manners through modeling. She also once coaxed him to say goodbye to his teacher, but he refused. Since that time, he's become even more resistant and sometimes yells at people not to talk to him. At...

Early childhood education specialist Mr. Chazz joins Janet to discuss the common challenges children face in preschool. Chazz is the current Educational Supervisor of 9 preschools, a passionate teacher who has interacted with thousands of children, and an inspiring coach for both parents and teachers. He shares strategies for effectively addressing behavior issues and offer insights for parents an...

Confused and dismayed, a parent asks Janet for help with a bedtime pattern that has developed with her 3-year-old. Her daughter keeps changing her mind about being tucked in. Unable to please her child either way, this mom leaves the room, which causes her daughter to explode. Upset by the outburst of emotion, she soon returns. “As soon as I go back she calms down, gets in bed, and lets me tuck he...