Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Loryn Brantz is an author, illustrator, and comic creator raising a daughter with disabilities. Dalia was born with a rare genetic abnormality that made feeding an all-night process, and doctors were not confident she would ever crawl, much less walk. Throughout their journey, Loryn has supported Dalia with acceptance, optimism, and love. In return, she is continually inspired. “I see her disabili...

Janet responds to emails from parents who describe struggling with their children’s strong emotions. One writes that her 2-year-old rejects her comfort when he has a meltdown: “It breaks my heart, and I feel like I must be doing something wrong.” Another writes that her 7-year-old says he doesn’t feel love from his mother. Another email describes how a 3-year-old’s tantrums last all afternoon and...

Janet shares a family's inspiring success story about dealing with their 3.5-year-old’s repeated, seemingly wanton problem behavior. The parent admits that both she and her husband were frustrated and “triggered” by the behavior, and they reacted with anger and scolding. The situation came to a head when their boy started lying about his actions, which was particularly hurtful to his dad. After re...

A parent writes that her 4-year-old daughter begins each morning by screaming and wailing, and the routine has worn this mom down. “It gets right under my skin,” she admits, “and makes me want to run away.” While she does acknowledge her daughter’s emotions in these moments, tries to understand and be patient, she has to get ready for work and sometimes ends up yelling or crying herself. This mom...

A courageous “Unruffled” listener shares how Janet’s respectful parenting approach seemed an impossible goal during a dark period of self-discovery, but it also presented a beacon of hope. As she struggled to come to grips with recovered memories of her childhood abuse, her relationship with her two young children was combative and destructive. She was left feeling like a complete failure, unable...

A parent's email describes her 4-year-old daughter as smart, funny, incredibly strong-willed, but sometimes “downright mean.” While she appreciates her child’s spirit and doesn’t want to stifle that, when she says mean things to her she doesn’t feel it’s enough to simply acknowledge her daughter’s emotions and let slide her hurtful words and behavior. “I need her to find a better way to express th...

Janet’s guest is Dr. Meghan Owenz, a psychologist, professor, parent, and author. Meghan’s new book “Spoiled Right: Delaying Screens and Giving Children What They Really Need” offers the latest research on the effects of screens on young children along with a plethora of practical alternatives. Both Janet and Meghan acknowledge that during the last many months of homeschooling, severely limited so...

Janet offers her advice for navigating typical playground behaviors in preschool-aged children, such as physical aggression, bossiness and shyness. Whether our child is exhibiting these behaviors or is on the receiving end of another child's dysregulation, Janet shares how helping children to feel understood, protected, and supported encourages the most positive learning process. Janet's exclusive...

A parent writes that her 3.5-year-old just started pre-school and has been bringing home some new behaviors like “lifting her dress to expose her bottom… or making poop and fart sounds.” She especially likes to perform these behaviors for her grandparents or when company comes over. “I like to be funny,” she says. This mom has tried several strategies to reign in her daughter, including ignoring t...

A parent struggles to control emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment when they’re triggered by her toddler. While she strives to be a confident leader by appearing calm and unruffled, she also wants to model her emotions authentically for her child. Janet clarifies what it really means to be "unruffled" and how parents can approach this goal without faking or stuffing their emotions....

Janet offers advice for handling some of the most common complaints parents share about their children's mealtime behavior: throwing food on the floor, leaving and then returning to the table, refusing to eat certain foods, and lingering endlessly. Janet shares her view that all of these behaviors reflect 3 basic needs children have at mealtime, and by recognizing and filling those needs, the beha...

Early childhood education luminary Rae Pica joins Janet to share her expertise about how children really learn and to debunk some common parenting myths that can impede a child’s natural development. Rae has dedicated herself to the mission of developing and educating the whole child. She is the author of 20 books, a popular keynote speaker, and throughout her decades-long career has consulted wit...

Three different families write to Janet about their children's challenging behaviors. In one case, a 2.5-year-old has resumed an old behavior of hitting and scratching, “but this time around it feels like he’s doing it with more purpose.” Another parent says that when their 5-year-old exhibits rude behavior and is called on it, he gets angry and accuses both parents of being mean to him. A third p...

Cassandra Lane is an author, Editor-in-Chief of “LA Parent Magazine,” and a mother (something she vowed she would never be). She joins Janet to discuss her new book “We Are Bridges” in which her personal journey from a childhood of poverty and racism to motherhood is juxtaposed against the traumas and upheavals of her ancestors. Her artful storytelling, both memoir and historical imagining, remind...

Recently parents have written to Janet with concerns about their toddlers who are venturing back into the world post-Covid and seem afraid to interact with other children and adults. Several parents even use a similar description of their child seeming ‘frozen’ as they watch activity on a playground but refuse to join in. Janet offers some insight into what’s going on in these toddlers' minds and...

A YES space is a gift to both children and their parents. It offers children ownership of a safe place that encourages play, learning, creativity, agency, and a strong sense of self. Parents get to enjoy one of the great pleasures of parenting: observing their infant or toddler as they explore and master the world around them. Janet describes YES spaces in form and function, dispelling some common...

ADHD and career coach Lynn Miner-Rosen is unique among counselors because her own life experience includes two children with ADHD, as well as her own mid-life diagnosis. In the face of severe personal crises, Lynn re-invented herself professionally time and again, and she uses these experiences to bring insight, empathy, and encouragement to both parents of children with ADHD and adult clients see...

Janet discusses children's crucial need for boundaries and how our authentic responses can free kids up to create and explore. She shares a success story from a parent who says that her son began constantly demanding she draws pictures for him after she "made a rookie mistake” by drawing for him one time. From that moment on, her son became obsessed: “Inside, he’d bring me crayons and paper, and o...

A parent is concerned about the negative, judgmental comments her parents and in-laws make about her children’s behavior and their parenting. She writes that she and her husband try to implement Janet’s advice (with a mix of Montessori). While she says she isn’t personally offended by their old school opinions, she does worry about “the confusing, sometimes negative, shaming, mixed messages” and h...

A parent describes the past year as “brutal” and lists a series of traumatic life events. “I am not okay,” she admits, saying she doesn’t have the energy to remain unruffled when dealing with her kids and feels that she is failing them. While this mom is taking all the right steps to restore herself and find balance in her life, she wonders if Janet has advice about how to manage her needs and tho...

Pediatric urologist Dr. Steven Hodges joins Janet to address the most common questions parents have about children’s urinary and bowel problems. They discuss the physical and psychological reasons that challenges occur, what parents should look out for, and the practical steps we can take to both treat issues and prevent them from happening in the future. For more advice on common parenting issues...

A parent feels drained by her 5-year-old's extreme emotional reactions to even the most minor disappointments. While she and her husband encourage both their children to express all their feelings, their son has recently begun "to jump to a level 100 in tears the instant he gets frustrated or isn't given what he wants." His sobbing, screaming, and complaints that he's sad or hurt in these situatio...

A parent is concerned and torn about her 18-month-old daughter's swim lessons, because the toddler cries the entire time. This mom says: “I struggle with giving her bodily autonomy and respect while forcing her to take swim classes for her safety.” She is hoping Janet can help her reconcile her conflicted feelings. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling b...

Janet consults with a parent who says she feels utterly exasperated by her two young boys’ difficult behaviors. While she has a clear image of the kind of gentle, empathetic parent she wants to be, she says she loses her patience more often than not, and at the end of the day feels like a failure. “I’m so tired of the chaos in my home,” she writes, “that exists even on my best parenting days, even...

Bethany Saltman’s fascinating new book “Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment” recounts her personal, 10-year journey investigating the scientific theory of attachment. As a new mother, Bethany was afraid she simply “wasn’t enough” for her baby. Eventually, through intensive research and self-examination, she realized that everything she had read and thought she knew...