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Its Joes birthday week and hes very very tired. So please enjoy this yeah?

This week we take you through the 2017 film Land Shark starring people who have never done acting before, a man who has never done special effects before and some of the best free music a scoundrel can steal. You'll hear all about correct shark maintenance, the infernal beep machine, hoovers and the best quiz you will ever hear about our terrifying aquatic friends.

The Higgens fam are back after illness, dogs and just a general sense of ennui to bring you the hottest film of 2021 starring Rhiannon Fish, the classic For the Love of Choclate. Imagine that other film we did a while back about bathbombs yeah. Its that but with chocolate. I don't kno what to tell you really. Sorry?

We finish our Half-Christmas special with the heart-warming classic Alone for Christmas or Bone Alone as its also known. The simple story of Home Alone but with talking dogs in it. None of them do a funky rap either which is a missed opportunity if you ask me. You will find out about, Toy Story Kart Racing, the most highbrow joke we've ever made, the most low broke joke we ever made, dog escape pl...

The end is in sight as we lurch towards the end of Half Chistmas with the 2013 classic Christmas Bounty starring The Miz out of wrestling and some other people. You will hear all about Nativity based smugness, dubious wrestling knowledge, Tory party rage, Joes takeaway order, chocolate based jokes for no one and a whole lot of Christmas innuendo. Mark is walking 1 million steps over the next 3 mon...

Its hotter then a vindaloo eating contest near the mouth of an active volcano but we plough on foolishly with this weeks Junemas offering, Journey Back to Christmas from 2016. The story of a nurse hurled through time in her special "Time-Shed" to find out what the real meaning of Christmas is or something. Honestly folks, it was so warm that our hearts were not really in this but there are still s...

Rolling merrily into Junemas, Joe and Mark take you through the 2006 remake of Black Xmas, a Christmas horror film starring our favourite Lacey Chabert as girl 3 and Buffys sister as girl 5. They may have names, we didn't bother to find out. You'll hear all about Cilla Blacks Comeback Special, fake southerners, Chekhovs Unicorn, fake ovens, polyphonic ringtones and Mark crams in a Thatcher referen...

With Junemas being upon us once again, we here at Hallmark of Greatness want to take your hand and lead you through a Winter Wonderland. And with that in mind we present the 2021 classic A Christmas to Savour starring Britt Irvins fringe and a sans glasses Zach Roerig. Its a classic Christmas story, like Scrooge but instead of being a mean spirited old grouch, Scarlett is an annoying chef lady who...

We joined this week by lovely Tom to ponder the question If you were a bad-ass renegade out for revenge, what would your animal companion of choice be? In this weeks episode, the 1990 classic The Final Alliance we find out the David Hasselhoffs would be a cougar, that does nothing! We also find out about the worst karate ever, so much about motorbike gangs, how to confuse a ferret and The Hoffs Ha...

After another brief break we are back with the stone cold 2022 classic Love Afloat. Yeah, me neither. Its the age old tale of a woman, a man, a boat and a big pan of fish. Honestly I have no idea, I watched it three times and fell asleep each time so some of the review may not 100% accurate. We will try and do better I promise

Hold on to your CB radio and neck that bottle of bennies as we smash headlong into the 1996 classic "Space Truckers" starring Dennis Hopper, Norm (again) and Poochie in a tale that is as insane as it is powerful. You will learn all about how you can take short cuts in space, hotdog etiquette, robot dongs, the sad death of Quedge, geometric porcines and the many many deaths of Charles Dance! Follow...

A two man booth this week takes you through the 2022 classic A Slice of Chicago Romance, which is supposed to be like Romeo and Juliet but if Shakespeare was kicked in the head by a horse that was also simple. You will hear about the worst kind of pizza ever, balloon hilarity, the return of Tony Meatballs and more unlocked memories from the Higgens archive. Follow us on Twitter @hallmarkofgreat In...

A hot steaming slice of Italian exploitation for you this week in the form of 1982's 1990: Bronx Warriors, a film so insane no man can fathom what the hell is happening. You'll hear all about the worst gang to be in, the peril of holes, how to spot a peg leg at a distance, why you should never canoodle in a stairwell and we ask the question "how much force does it take to push wood into a man?" Fo...

The Power Triangle is back as we take you through the 1984 classic Dreamscape starring Dennis Quaid, Captain Von Trapp and Cory 'Bumper' Yothers in a movie about dream manipulation, sexy trains and the obligatory dirt bike chase. You'll also find out about Joes dream job, the worst dream ever, a delicious sandwich, some hot sax action and the perils of horse racing celtic folk punk bands. Follow u...

This week we are joined by John from Dammit Vince to take you through the 2021 classic Love, Bubbles, and Crystal Cove. Its about bath bombs, bad dads and bartering. You will learn all about how Joe washes his hair, Johns willingness to explode all bathtubs, how much smell is too much smell, the only occupations that require waistcoats and Bernis inability to tell the difference between any film e...

With Mark on his holidays we decided to comb the internet for the very best guests to come on and give us their take on the 1982 classic The Sword and The Sorcerer and luckily Mono and Ciara from Monrants: The Boys and that were available to do just that. You will hear all about THE ONE LAND, oily buttock massages, the murder of Grampa Joe, Bucketheaded Wendy and the Snakey Face, why you should ha...

In another shake up, we are joined by James to discuss the 2021 dating app classic Love Map. It's the classic story of an app inventing woman who must go to Florida to write about romantic outcroppings or something. You will hear all about upskirt perversions, aggressive sandwich vendors, Handsome Ian & The Murder Quarry, pie you shouldn't eat, zen gardens and top tips to weatherproof your pag...

"Frankly my dear, I don't riverdance" This week we take you through the rip roaring excitement of Michael Flatley smash hit Blackbird. Imagine if you can, James Bond crossed with Michael Scarn and then a big dollop of Death in Paradise. You will hear all about Flatleys hat obsession, the perils of nets, having ravioli for supper, BOAT CRIMES, secret fights and how much Mack the Knife is too much?...

This week we lead you through the lava strewn streets of the 2017 made for TV classic Global Meltdown starring non union Pierce Bronhomme and an annoying child in a disaster film that is literally a disaster. You'll hear all about the Arrow Boyz, the protective power of cushions, too many Only Fools & Horses jokes, what not to store in barrels and Mark has a breakdown over this film and strang...

This episode was previously released in 2021 but due to ghost or whatever it was deleted from the server. This week Joe, Berni and James take you through the best film ever made, Irelands only Kung-Fu movie 1998's Fatal Deviation starring/written/produced/catering by James "Jimmy" Bennett. We find out how Irish locksmiths work, the perils of working in Londis and establish that one of Boyzone is a...

For some reason we are still doing time travel and this week we present to you the 2021 classic Our Dream Wedding starring Rachel Hendrix and a man made of wet cardboard. Listen to hear all about Lancashire uncles, the benefits of tripe, the legality of kicking children and why this would be 100% better with Dean Stockwell in it. Follow us on Twitter @hallmarkofgreat Instagram @hallmarkofgreatness...

Its a brand new year and we are back with the same old nonsense. This week we take you though Pete Davidsons first ever movie, the 2014 classic School Dance with that little lad out of Role Models as well. You will hear all about rapping grannies, powerful grape juice, naked cowboys and the fact that Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is in this for some reason. It real bad! Follow us on Twitter @hallma...

We are back with a bang after the festive break with an in depth review of the 2022 classic Meet Cute starring Kaley Cuoco and Peter Davidson (not that one) in a story of time travel, love and Indian food. Listen to fin out about what childhood tastes like, fun old man music jokes and the ethical dilemma of doing a sex with yourself in the past. Follow us on Twitter @hallmarkofgreat Instagram @hal...

The festive season is truly upon on and in a kind of multiverse way that the kids like nowadays we have allowed the HoG regular hosts to meet with the grotty below stairs Last Orders boyz for a battle of wits, cunning and memory. It goes about as well as you'd expect. But its a good bit of fun and if you have listened to all the episodes you should be able to beat us. Its not that difficult becaus...

The Last Orders boys have grown weary of Christmas joy and have decided to revert to what we know best, Steve Barkett films. More specifically the 1982 classic "The Aftermath" The heroic tale of one astronauts quest to defeat mutants and bad boys with only Dave Matthews and a child John Denver for help. Yeah, that is what happens. You'll hear all about the best way to run away from things (in a ci...