Refamulating

In the final episode of Refamulating, Julia and Claire open up about their own refamulating journeys, share why they're wrapping the show, and reflect on how special it was to make. None of it would have been possible without the people who made it: the team behind every episode, the guests who trusted us with their stories, and above all, every one of you who listened and made this show what it w...

Paula always wanted to be a mom, and she always assumed her path to motherhood would look like getting married in her late twenties and having a baby before 30. When that timeline didn't materialize, she realized she didn’t want to wait for a romantic partner to become a mom. So she froze her eggs, found a sperm donor, got pregnant and gave birth on her own. Paula kept an audio diary from the firs...

Brad and Alyssa tried for three years to have a baby. After multiple miscarriages, five failed IVF embryo transfers and a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility", they eventually turned to surrogacy. That turned out to be the path that finally opened the door to parenthood, but it wasn’t the end of their journey. During their surrogate’s pregnancy they got a surprise that changed the course of how...

When Sage bought a small pink house in Boulder, Colorado, she had no idea her next-door neighbor would become something closer to family. Over the last 18 years, Sage and Margaret wove their lives together, sharing meals, childcare, grief, and joy, in ways neither of them could have planned. Their story is a quiet argument for proximity, and for building family with the people closest to you.  _ C...

Years ago, Lauren Makler was diagnosed and treated for a rare abdominal disease. Doctors told her her ovaries might not survive the surgeries she needed, so when she conceived her first child without any assistance, she was shocked. She took that feeling of having a baby despite the odds and turned it into her business, Cofertility. She wanted anyone who wanted kids to have access to fertility tec...

Julia and Claire are both getting married this year (cute!) and the wedding planning process has opened up new refamulating questions for them: who do we include in the celebration? What traditions are important and what do we want to ditch? And what is the best way to take back a wedding invite to all of your extended family (we have tips)! And then they reminisce on Claire’s recent bachelorette...

For a lot of Americans, it’s getting harder and harder to find community. Fewer people are religious, we move around more and with more things online, we spend less time running errands and interacting with people in real life. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Katherine Goldstein, author of the upcoming book "How to Find Your People" and creator of The Double Shift substack, which gives advice o...

Our culture spends a lot of time talking about the importance of romantic love: finding it, keeping it, and normalizing it as THE most important person in your life. But that completely discounts the deep, meaningful friendships so many of us have. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks with author Rhaina Cohen about her book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship At The Center. R...

When Ruthie Ackerman was in her late 30s, she realized she wanted to have a baby. But there was a problem- she was married to someone who didn’t. So, she got divorced and began a transformative process to motherhood. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Ruthie about her experience with IVF and egg donation to finally get pregnant, what it was like to confront the stories about motherhood she grew up...

To wrap season 2, we honor and celebrate the unsung heroes of our emotional lives—our closest friends. While we celebrate romantic milestones with parties and gifts, our friendships—often life's most enduring relationships—frequently go unhonored. In this episode, Julia shares an intimate conversation with her platonic soulmate, Lia, about what makes their friendship special and how they’ve stayed...

Show Notes:  Disagreeing with your family is nothing new. But in the last decade, as politics and culture in the U.S. have become increasingly polarized, so have many of our families. Jedidiah Jenkins felt this kind of division in his family from a young age when he realized he was gay in an evangelical Christian home. Now an adult, Jedidiah has figured out how to maintain a loving, supportive rel...

Almost half of American adults are single, yet we still treat being unpartnered as a problem to solve. But being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship, it’s just a different experience. In this episode, Julia interviews her single friends about what they love about being single and how they navigate a world built for couples. Then she chats with author Glynnis MacNicol about c...

Erica spent her childhood living with a disability and needing a lot of care from her mom. As an adult, she’s now the caretaker to two children with disabilities. In this episode, Erica talks about what she learned from her mom as a caregiver, the day to day realities of caring for children who need a lot of assistance and how that impacts her career, her marriage and her finances.  Check out Eric...

In this episode we meet Kathleen Downes- a 31-year-old woman who lives with her parents and dog in New York. Kathleen has cerebral palsy, which means she needs constant care to do daily activities. Kathleen talks about the complicated relationship between care recipients and their families, the broken policies that force impossible choices, and the radical act of finding joy despite a system desig...

Aaliyah and Jamyla have three moms - their birth mother Nicole, their foster mom (soon to be adopted mom) Chalice, and Chalice's fiancée Rachel. Chalice and the girls met eight years ago when the girls needed a foster parent. In the eight years they’ve known each other, Aaliyah and Jamyla have learned how hearts can expand to love many parents in their blended family.  _ The episode transcript can...

Something we’ve realized while working on this project is that the nuclear family has infiltrated so much of our lives. (For example, housing in America is designed for a single, nuclear family.) Another example of that is what we consider milestones in our life. Think about it- the list of big milestones in our lives is fairly short: graduations, getting married, and having a kid. These are the e...

Katie Bryan grew up in a nuclear family in Texas, and always dreamed her future family would include a doting husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and of course, children. She spent almost 20 years searching for the right partner so she could make this dream come true, but at 39 she was still single and child-free. That’s when she realized she didn’t have to wait for a husband, she could hav...

A lot of us refamulating have faced a similar challenge: as we choose a new path or carve out a different role in a family, we realize there is no name for us. A step-parent wants a more warm and loving name. An egg or sperm donor with an emotional tie to the family doesn’t want to be referred to by this clinical title. Or maybe a close friend plays an important role to your kids but isn’t technic...

When Emily was a child, a family member abused her and told her to keep it a secret. She kept that secret until she was 34, but her family didn’t react well once she told the truth. Eventually Emily chose to stop talking to them, and in this episode she explains her choice to be estranged from her family and why estrangement has been important for her healing. - Join us for this month’s ReFamily D...

Show Notes: What happens when you expand beyond the nuclear family home? In this episode, we meet people who've chosen to share their daily lives with others in unconventional ways - from two married couples buying a house together to raise kids, to a man who's spent 14 years living on a hippie commune. Their stories challenge our assumptions about what makes a successful adult and show how living...

The nuclear family has been held up as the ideal for generations, but it's actually a relatively recent invention. From college dorms to pandemic pods, some of our happiest moments come from living in community with others. So why do Americans cling to independence as a marker of success? In our Season 2 premiere, we explore how our individualistic lifestyle developed, what it's costing us, and ho...

Before season 2 officially starts Tuesday, Nov 12, Julia and Claire chat about a few things: Julia is officially a Fairy Godmother and shares an update (the twins are born! she's held them!) Claire is getting married, which has brought up a lot of refamulating feelings. And then we have a special segment where Claire, a reality TV junkie, makes Julia, a reality TV virgin, watch an episode of Siste...

We're back with season 2 of Refamulating! We have more stories of personal and family transformation including being a solo mom by choice, how caregiving impacts families, polyamory and more. Season 2 launches November 12, 2024. _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special b...

Each month we host a live, virtual event called The ReFamily Dinner! It's a way for us to connect with other refamulators outside of the podcast. This month’s ReFamily Dinner will feature a conversation with Heath Schechinger, a psychologist and co-founder of The Modern Family Institute, about ethical non-monogamy. Whether you're considering this lifestyle or simply curious to understand it better...

Liam is a transgender man who has spent the last eight years embracing his true life. He changed his name, took hormones, and got top surgery. But recently he had a big realization. He wants to be a father – and he wants to carry his own child. Now Liam has stopped taking hormones and started preparing his body to do something he never imagined: get pregnant. Listen to Liam’s Terrible, Thanks For...