Rating Descending

Baby Arnie, Evil DeVito, and growing a baby in “empty space”. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the third and final Rietman-Schwarzenegger comedy so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films sexism, blurred tone, and nonchalant approach to medical science

Guidos, ghoul boys, and blaming it on the wig. This week Michelle and Abigail watched the horror-comedy cult classic so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films confused tone, sick visual effects, and how Eddie Murphy is kind of a dick

Hurricanes, divorces, suicides, and restless pumas urinating on you. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the 1996 adaption of the H.G. Wells classic so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films cursed production, deposed directors, and difficult leading men

Rockclimbing heroines, refusing to annunciate, and sport boyz. This week Michelle and Abigail watched the 2001 Sylvester Stallone flop so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films confusing editing, muddled structure, and bizarre soundtrack

Flogging your dolphin, Vince Vaughn’s menacing aura, and fucking your own clone. This week Abigail and Michelle watched this shot for shot remake so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films sexy cast, source material, and experimental nature

Jewels, blowjobs, and fist-fighting Tom Green. This week Michelle and Abigail watched this 2001 “comedy” so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films metatextuality, beastiality, and absent sense of structure

Glasses that make you ugly, wide-jawed sisters, and rehabilitating Glen Morgan. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the 2006 remake of a classic Slasher so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films grizzly gore, producer interference, and its offensive trans allegory

Frog turtles, defending Brendan Fraser, and wishing you weren’t sentient. This week Michelle and Abigail watched the live-action Yogi Bear adaptation so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films dead-eyed cast, bizarre CGI, and its huge plotholes

Magnetic cars, bizarro Jackie Chan, and songs about loving your wife. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the best Bollywood superhero movie ever and you should too! They take a quick dive into the films striking structure, superstar cast, and its important place in Indian cinema

Silent jumpscares, Stacy’s carrot, and a figurative glove slap. This week Michelle and Abigail watched the fourth Paranormal Activity so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into how mind numbingly depressing it was to watch another Paranormal Activity movie

Tit weight, cum mist, and bringing back mutton chops. This week Abigail and Michelle watch the sixth Paranormal Activity film so you don’t have to. They dive in to the films barren plot, slow pacing, and it’s total absence of scares

Sexy muppets, IMAX titties, and going straight for the pussy. This week Michelle and Abigail watch the soft porn sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey so you don’t have to. They dive in to the films episodic structure, blurred lines of consent, and confused portrayal of BDSM

Snake armies, telekinetic meetings, and Jennifer Garner being just too damn pretty. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the Daredevil spinoff so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the film's comic book lore, bizarre side characters, and the effect it had on the future of female-led superhero films

Drippy villains, teenage fanfiction, and a film you can’t actually see. This week Michelle and Abigail watched this crossover clusterfuck sequel so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films 90 minute first act, clear lack of a protagonist, and how a sci-fi can turn slasher

Confederate apologists, prosthetic noses, and cowboy hats that just won’t come off. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the movie adaptation of the DC comic books so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films troubled production, over-qualified cast, and why the run time clocks in at a meagre 73 minutes

Long brooding pauses, spooky Mummy boyfriends, and jorts. This week Michelle and Abigail watched the second Twilight disaster so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films criminal pacing, absence of plot, and surprise orgasm denials

Orgies, fashion prisons, and using a taxidermied Jerry Stiller as a statement piece for your living room. This week Abigail and Michelle watched the unnecessary Zoolander sequel so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films fruitful abundance of transphobia, fatphobia, and discordant celebrity cameos

Evil vegetarians, a godless Hercules, and philosophy for dummies. This week Michelle and Abigail watched PureFlix’s hot take on God’s validity so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films inconceivable characters, questionable debates, and it’s multiple strange story strands

Mansions, Mike Tyson, and lingering in stairwells. This week Abigail and Michelle watched a bizarre parody of The Purge so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the films baffling cameos, wacky sound design, and mishandled racial issues.

Mega-churches, Brazilian bishops, and not believing hard enough. This week Michelle and Abigail watched Edir Macedo’s church-funded biopic so you don’t have to. They take a quick dive into the film’s questionable history, strange structure, and super creepy villain of a hero.