Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

I believe this is the most-listened-to episode ever on Pulling the Thread. It’s a conversation that I had with therapist Esther Perel in 2023 that still stands to this day—but that’s Esther for you. I think it also highlights how difficult it remains for many of us to get comfortable with conflict in our relationships, and to disagree and even fight, productively, with someone else. Whether you te...

Hi, friends. For those who are interested, I’m saying more about this in my solo episodes, but as I was preparing to recover from a non-life-threatening (and yet major) health surgery, I spent some time thinking about what would be meaningful to share with you all for the next few weeks or so. And I landed on a shortlist of conversations that I’ve had on Pulling the Thread over the years that reso...

I spent the past month largely recovering from a (successful) double mastectomy—it was very intense, and I also had amazing care, from my team at UCLA, and from my family and friends. I am healing well and my prognosis couldn’t be better—I’m very lucky that intervention was early and I am not fighting for my life. I recorded this episode before my surgery—I did this for a number of reasons: to rec...

Mark Wolynn is a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, the director of the Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco, and author of the recently updated classic It Didn't Start with You (there’s also now a companion workbook). I find his work endlessly fascinating. Here, he helps us see how inherited family trauma, attachment trauma, and unconscious loyalty is often unknowingly af...

After the shocking end of her marriage, Belle Burden chose not to let herself get erased. Today, we talk about what she chose instead and the person she’s evolved into since writing her stunning memoir Strangers. Burden reminds me that while we can’t always understand why people do what they do, we can learn to live tethered to our own truth. For the show notes, head to my Substack. Learn more abo...

I had so much fun reading psychologist Paul Eastwick’s book Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection. A lot of his work reveals the enduring myths that are engrained in our culture and our minds about attraction, compatibility, gender differences, and relationships—and why these myths have been somewhat mistakenly connected to evolutionary psychology. The way he debunks these my...

“That’s the kind of story, that's the kind of image that I'm talking about—that really just sinks into you and won’t let go,” says psychologist Sharon Blackie. Today, Blackie returns to discuss her new book Ripening: Why Women Need Fairytales Now. Once again, her perspective is helping me make sense of who we are at different stages of our lives. For the show notes, head to my Substack. Learn more...

“We’re all addicted to light,” says Andrew Holocek, author of Total Eclipse of the Mind: Unleashing the Power of Darkness for Creativity, Healing, and Transformation. “We’re all light junkies in the deepest possible way. And so because we're so lost in the light, blinded by the light, that I think the pendulum is swinging back. And there's a deep intimation, it may be inarticulate for a number of...

As I’m heading into a series of initiations, I’m sharing a few challenges (opportunities!) that I’m sure many of you are familiar with: our struggle to prioritize ourselves, worrying over what will happen if I slow down, wanting to have faith in myself in the way that I have faith in other people and in the world. In this month’s solo episode, I’m also sharing a bit about my upcoming move from Sub...

New York Times–bestselling author Bruce Feiler is back after just a few years with another great one, A Time to Gather: How Ritual Created the World—and How It Can Save Us. Today, he reveals what he’s learned about the rise of reinvented rituals. He shares some incredible stories of people around the world who are creating rituals for all kinds of moments—from celebrating professional and personal...

Ibram X. Kendi, is the author of the #1 New York Times–bestseller How to Be an Antiracist. His new book is Chain of Ideas: The Origins of Our Authoritarian Age. It is incredibly insightful and illuminating in terms of mapping out how we got to where we are, around the world. And what Kendi shares in our conversation today is also quite helpful in terms of pointing us in a new direction. For the sh...

I met Stacey Lindsay about a decade ago and worked with her for a few years—she’s a curious, compassionate journalist and writer—but I didn’t know much of her own incredible personal story until I read her new book Being 40 and had this conversation with her. We talked about the meaning of this decade of our lives, but more broadly, we talked about the scripts and checklists that women are often h...

In 2018, health and science journalist Alexandra Sifferlin began her investigation into the American diagnosis crisis: Why are so many people being misdiagnosed? What is the cost of this error? Who is trying to change the system—and what does a better healthcare system (for all of us) look like? The resulting book—The Elusive Body—is a fascinating read. Today, we cover the major parts of Sifferlin...

I had some personal highs this April, and also a strange feeling (for me, someone who is constantly in motion, always moving forward) of being a bit unmoored—a reminder of needing to wait, of letting cycles be, of accepting stillness (or trying to, at least). I’ve also been thinking of a (related) Carissa Schumacher metaphor—the idea that each of us prefers a different part of the cycles of life:...

In her moving and beautiful book, When We See You Again, Rachel Goldberg-Polin writes about her love for her son, Hersh, who was stolen from a musical festival on October 7, 2023, and executed after 328 days of being held hostage. While I completely understand the instinct to turn away, I also really hope you will stay with us for this conversation, if you can. Rachel is incredible, and there are...

Psychiatrist Amir Levine, MD, is the coauthor of the mega-bestseller Attached. In his new book, Secure, he takes another look at the four attachment styles and the myths surrounding them to show how each of us—regardless of our starting point—can flex and become more secure in our relationships. In this (delightful) conversation, he also explains why certain seemingly insignificant minor interacti...

I had a fascinating numerology reading with Janine Slome, and have been wanting to get her on the podcast for some time. Here, she shares a brief background on numerology, and why the practice can serve as both a potent portrayal of life and a map to guide you along your path. We also talk about karma—where it comes from, the different types, what to do about it. And Slome shares several predictio...

“I think we can take the same mindset to any change that we make, which is that getting off track is not something in you, it's part of the process itself,” says Eric Zimmer, host of the podcast The One You Feed. “And so the question just becomes, how do I get back on track with the minimum amount of emotional drama?” In this conversation, and in his new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot, Zimmer sh...

In my latest episode sans guest: What I learned from a new Yeshua journey with medium Carissa Schumacher. Why it’s difficult for many of us to actually listen. Why I prefer the concept of contribution over purpose. One of my favorite stories recounted by Michael Meade about the old woman at the end of the world. A reflection on what’s your thread to add. A framework for understanding power and dif...

Meg Josephson is a psychotherapist and the author of the instant New York Times–bestseller, Are You Mad At Me? In her own life and in her work with clients, she’s come to focus on why many of us have an overactive fawn response. (You’re likely familiar with the other classic responses: fight, flight, freeze, and perhaps faint.) The fawn response can look different depending on the person but it is...

One of my favorite repeat guests is back: I’m talking to psychotherapist Satya Doyle Byock about the duality of individuation and community. We get into the difference between individuation and individualism, and why it’s critical for all of us to individuate—to go on our own journeys—so that we can genuinely be a part of the collective, and not just subject to herd mentality. We also chat about o...

“This is, I think, when people need more help remembering how to access their play or kind of letting themselves play—because adults do play,” says Cas Holman, a world-renowned designer and the author of Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity. Today, we talk a bit about Holman’s unique approach to play for kids, but mostly we talk about what she’s doing t...

“Glorians are unearned, unbidden, freely given,” says legendary author and mentor Terry Tempest Williams. “And to me that's also what grace is—those moments of grace that we didn't anticipate, we didn't deserve, we couldn't have imagined. And here they are. And I think that's another element that is deeper than hope. And do we recognize grace when it comes in all its different manifestations?” For...

“And that may be its greatest contribution—to insist that God is equally male and female,” says Daniel Matt, PhD, a scholar and teacher of Kabbalah. Matt shares radical revelations, some dangerous reinterpretations, and beautiful lessons from the mystical teachings of Kabbalah and the Zohar (which is the main book, or as Matt calls it, the masterpiece of Kabbalah).    For the show notes, head to m...

I’m reflecting more deeply on evil in the present moment: What is evil? What’s our relationship to it? How do we increase our tolerance for acknowledging dark energies so that we can moderate and metabolize them—and keep ourselves and others safe? This episode is not meant to scare; my intention is really the opposite, as I don’t find fear to be helpful here. I’ll be sharing a few sources and ways...