PsycHacks

When I started this channel, I made a commitment to myself that I would publish content regularly for three years before I allowed myself to evaluate whether I would continue with the project. Today my commitment to myself has been fulfilled. In this episode, I talk about my process and some of the tools that helped me stay disciplined in the absence of any positive reinforcement. I also briefly d...

The fundamental premise of my forthcoming book, "The Value of Others," is that relationships are the media in which value is transacted. Some people balk at this definition because it runs counter to the felt experience of their own relationships. However, this could be due to the fact that their relationships are functional. In a good relationship, the transaction is invisible. It's generally onl...

A certain class of woman is both highly attractive to (and potentially dangerous for) many men, namely: the woman without a life of her own. In this episode, I argue that these women are like construction workers: they're potentially one setback away from a forced retirement without a backup plan. As a result, they will typically be very pushy for commitment (and very contentious in separation). P...

The fundamental game at the heart of romance is hide-and-seek. Romantics cut out a part of themselves, hide that part in someone of their choosing, and then forget about the cutting and the hiding and the choosing. This process imbues love with the possibility of mythic alchemy: the completion of the self in union with the other. However, romantics have always ever already been whole. Unfortunatel...

I consider myself a perfectionist in recovery. In this episode, I discuss some of the realizations I had that helped me overcome this debilitating habit many years ago. By understanding why (and how) I was selectively attending to certain aspects of my work and life (and not others), I was able to see the absurdity at the heart of my perfectionism, which substantially affected my willingness to ma...

Among other things, successful businesses make it easy for their customers to hand over their money. Introducing unnecessary steps into the sales funnel only decreases revenue and customer satisfaction. The same holds true with successful women: they make it easy for their men to love them. Introducing unnecessary steps into the love funnel only decreases affection and relationship satisfaction. I...

I haven't had a single headed argument with anyone since adopting this tactic years ago. Contrary to popular belief, the most appropriate time to bring up certain issues may not be when they feel most emotionally salient. By striking when the iron is cold, people can increase the likelihood of being heard and bypassing defensiveness. In this episode, I discuss the importance of waiting for your mo...

If someone is actually willing to make the effort to do what you want, then under no circumstances should you ever punish them for doing so. It is a much better idea to focus on the parts that they are doing right than to emphasize the (potentially many) parts that they are still doing wrong. By rewarding successive approximations to the target behavior, you can leverage the power of shaping. I di...

Every woman is (at least) two women: the public-facing persona that she shows the world, and the bedroom persona that she shows her lover. Treating the one like the other is likely to result in complaints and hurt feelings. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to glean reliable information about the bedroom persona by observing the public-facing persona, which complicates dating for both men an...

Though I'm not particularly famous, I have noticed a number of changes in how people treat me since my channel became popular nearly a year ago. And these changes have overwhelmingly been positive: many men and women now go out of their way to show their appreciation and respect. However, this has taken some getting used to, since -- as I explain in this episode -- this is the first time in my adu...

One of the reasons the Supreme Court can give for deciding not to hear a particular case is that "the court does not deal in trifles. Prioritizing the insignificant above the truly important is not only wasteful, it is disrespectful. Liberally granting your time and attention is like printing more money: the subsequent inflation only serves to devalue the circulating currency. This means that it i...

Women must take an increasingly active approach to dating as they age. They do this by reclaiming their power to initiate interactions with men. By "dropping a handkerchief," women signal that they would be amenable to an overture, which significantly alters the risk-reward profile of a cold approach. In this episode, I discuss one way women can do this: the "come hither stare." Pre-order my book:...

In this second episode of a two-part series, I discuss the economic incentives driving the West's epidemic of mental illness. Given certain regulatory requirements, it is generally easier for drug companies to receive FDA approval if their products treat disorders that do not already have a treatment of demonstrated efficacy. This motivates the proliferation of new disorders and an ever-widening d...

In this first episode of a two-part series, I discuss some of the uncomfortable realities about the West's epidemic of mental illness. First and foremost, it's important to understand the concept of reification, which is the process by which something that isn't really a thing becomes a thing in individual perception. Through reification, a constellation of symptoms becomes a mental disorder, and...

The common definition of a miracle is an event that shouldn't be possible given our understanding of physical reality. As such, the standard of comparison is the "normal" functioning of reality, which is considered "non-miraculous" by definition. However, if the standard of comparison were shifted to the no-thingness of pre-creation, then everything -- down to the most insignificant and commonplac...

No one likes the idea of being restricted. However, limitations benefit you in several substantive ways. In the first place, they help prevent your life from going off the rails when you finally attain the success for which you have been striving. And in the second place, they force you to become better than you are to compensate for the self-imposed handicap. These are your "batman rules." I disc...

The idea that mutual understanding naturally leads to the cessation of conflict is erroneous. While understanding may help people respond to others with greater patience and compassion, it does little to change the original needs and desires that demand understanding. Those who seek to be understood are asking for a concession: they want others to change because they believe they can't (or won't)...

Men don't approach marriage the same way that women do. Given the enormous risk and responsibility entailed, most men will only consider the possibility of marriage when everything in their life is working. This means that they have arrived at some measure of professional success and financial security, and that there are no significant problems in their relationships. In order to get married, it'...

I've spoken to a number of women recently who were inappropriately pessimistic about their chances of getting married, simply due to their age. While it's true that women operate under an increasing disadvantage in the sexual marketplace in their 30s, that doesn't mean they can't still win. They just need to change their strategy. In this episode, I discuss further. Book a paid consultation: https...

I've consulted many men who were recently given the marriage ultimatum by their girlfriends, and who were legitimately conflicted about how to proceed. In this episode, I explain how getting more of what one wants is inversely related to both men and women's use of pressure in relationships. In particular, I note that any woman who gives this ultimatum is confessing that she loves what she wants m...

It very easy to get upset at the state of the world today. However, I'm here to tell you -- in no uncertain terms -- that the last thing the world needs right now is another angry person. Apparently, we have collectively forgotten that it isn't necessary to have an opinion about everything. In fact, until you've sufficiently examined something, it's ethically imperative that you defer judgment. In...

In today's episode, I expose that old attraction proxy: money. Many men erroneously believe that they need money in order to access women, and that simply having money will attract women to them. Neither of these is true. On the other hand, there are three things that actually do work to attract women -- and none of them cost you a dime. Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consu...

While the overwhelming majority of my feedback has been positive, a small contingent of (mostly female) viewers has proven quite negative. And the overwhelming majority of that negativity is in response to some of my advice on how "to hook" a man. In this episode, I respond to that criticism and emphasize the importance of using sexuality intentionally and strategically. Book a paid consultation:...

If people need success in order to feel confident, and if confidence makes success much more likely, then how does anyone get confident to begin with? We all have to start somewhere, and the world doesn't wait until we're ready. In this episode, I share a mental hack to facilitate confident action before you have "a stack of proof."  @AlexHormozi  Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd...

Women often complain that the men they're not really interested in always seem to come back, while the men they'd really like to have relationships with never seem to reciprocate their feelings. This is because women do the right things with the wrong men. In this episode, I'll discuss how this influences the good times-to-hassle ratio that is instrumentally related to which women men decide to pu...