Pillow Talks

Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life.   Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about ou...

Today we’re asking a tough question… Are you lazy in bed? And an even harder one… Would your partner say you’re lazy during sex?   In this episode, we’re breaking down the specific things you’re doing that your partner thinks are lazy, the consequences of bedroom laziness, and the surprising reasons why you’re not putting in more effort.   Most importantly, we’ll walk you through our step-by-step...

79% of our community members want their partners to be more romantic. Romance seems to come so easy at the beginning of a relationship, but feels so much harder to sustain long-term!   In this episode, we’ll walk you through specific steps to get your partner to be more romantic. You’ll discover your toxic beliefs about romance, the ways you’re actually missing romantic gestures, and tons of speci...

You might already know that you’re a 3 on the Enneagram, a generator in human design, or an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom?    Today we’re breaking down our Sex Personality Types model. Our 11 types help you understand what great sex means to you, and what you’re really looking to experience. We’ll help you figure out your type - and your partner’s! We’l...

Snip snap! We’re back with part 2 of Xander’s vasectomy journey. (Start with part 1 if you want to hear his story.) This time we’re answering all your questions about the process from start to finish (literally, all 30 “finishes”).   Did Xander have any pain during sex after the procedure? Did his sex drive change? Do his balls hang lower? Is his semen a different color, texture, or volume, and do...

We asked you to share your funniest foreplay fails, and you REALLY delivered! Today we’re sharing the dangers of jalapeños, why you shouldn’t chew gum during oral, and some bad Cosmo advice about armpits!   But we couldn’t leave it at just your stories; we had to include some of our funniest fails as well. Trust us, you definitely want to hear what happened the very first time Vanessa ever gave so...

Xander got a vasectomy!   By popular demand, we’re walking you through the entire process - how and why we decided to go this route, finding the right doctor, the procedure itself (including the truth about how painful it really was…), aftercare, and so much more.   We also share some hilarious details about preparing for the procedure (including some truly bizarre pictures), Xander’s rant for the...

2023 has been one wild ride! This podcast - all 136 episodes so far - has been a major part of our year, so what better way to celebrate than counting down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks in 2023? Take a stroll down memory lane to the moments when we couldn't stop laughing or could barely believe the words coming out of our mouths.   Your support means the world to us and we can’t wait to kee...

The first time we did Am I The Asshole it was a major success, so we knew we had to bring it back for a part two! In this special holiday edition, we’ve got more fiery takes on your craziest seasonal stories. We’re talking about in-laws, gift exchanges gone wrong, and a workplace Christmas party with a very important side note.   Plus, a special guest joins us to weigh in on whether or not Vanessa...

We all feel like we’re supposed to just be naturally good at intercourse, but there are so many dynamics that can trip us up! What positions are best? How do you MOVE during it? What do you do if one of you can easily orgasm from intercourse, but the other can’t?!   We asked our audience what their biggest frustrations are when it comes to intercourse, and we got back some surprising, and some not...

“We’re just not having sex anymore...”   If you’ve found yourself uttering (or even just thinking) this line, you’re not alone. So many couples will experience a loss of not just their sex life but intimacy altogether.   When we released Dead Bedrooms Part One earlier this year, it instantly became one of our top episodes of all time. So we decided to bring it back for a Part Two with a brand new...

This episode is all about the most viral piece of content we’ve ever made - why we make out every single night before bed. Our two-minute video has amassed almost 20 million views on social, was talked about on daytime TV shows, and even landed us an interview with the New York Times. We had no idea that this topic would be so popular, but it clearly struck a nerve!   So we decided to break our ni...

“What? I was just being honest!”   This is one of the most common phrases that gets uttered during conflicts between couples. We’ve all been taught to believe that honesty is a virtue, but let's be real, some of us are crossing the line between honesty into cruelty.   In this episode, we asked you to tell us about the situations where your partner said something that felt cruel to you, or you said...

In February, we released our book, Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. It was an instant New York Times bestseller!   Now that the book has been out for close to a year, we thought it was about time to sit down and share the feedback we’ve gotten from thousands of readers.   In this episode, we’re giving you the five biggest takeaways from the book, including the sho...

Today we’re talking about something we’ve never heard talked about openly… silent sex.   Did you know that more than 50% of people regularly have sex where at least one partner is completely silent? This might not initially seem like a huge deal, but there are actually a number of drawbacks to having totally quiet sex.   In today’s episode, we’re breaking down for you why you’re having silent sex,...

Do you wish your partner was more invested in your relationship? Do you find yourself wishing they would plan more date nights, spend less time on their phone and more time with you, or show you that they’re actively working on being a better partner? If so, you’re not alone. 70% of people are longing for a more involved partnership.   We know — from personal experience — that getting your partner...

This week we’re bringing back one of your favorite series - Ask Us Anything. This time we’re doing the sex therapy business secrets edition!   Let’s be real… business can sometimes be boring. So we asked our community to send in their nosiest questions. The questions they didn’t think we’d have the nerve to answer.   We're pushing out of our comfort zone and answering questions like, do we ever ge...

Is it normal to notice a bad odor after intercourse? What about queefing? How the heck does everyone else manage clean-up after sex?   In this episode, we’re talking about all the unexpected things we experience during sex, but that no one ever talks about openly! We’re giving you the run-down on the most embarrassing bodily functions, how to avoid them, what to do in the moment when they happen,...

Today’s episode is inspired by the popular Reddit thread, Am I The Asshole? We’re giving you our hot takes on some of the trickiest situations submitted by our audience. Tune in for stories about faking orgasms for 24 years, forgetting your partner's birthday, and even unknowingly being someone's first time!   Grab your partner and join us for this entertaining episode that’s sure to get you debat...

Did you know that 86% of people worry that their sex life is too boring?   It’s so easy to get caught up in anxiety about your sex life. You can’t help but wonder if everyone else is doing it more often than you are, or if they’re enjoying it more. And let’s be honest - it’s hard to get excited about doing the same thing, in the same place, at the same time, every time…   In today’s episode, we’re...

Whenever we ask parents what gets in the way of intimacy after kids, the most frequent answer we hear is time. As a parent, everything becomes about the kids, and it feels like there’s no space or energy for intimacy. But your partner and the love you share are special, and deserve your time. So let’s talk about how to create that. We asked the parents in our audience to share their best advice fo...

Does your partner ever touch you in ways, times, or places that you don't feel comfortable with? A staggering 78% of people have experienced unwanted touch in their relationships. We’re talking things like boob honks, humping from behind, and ass smacks.   So what are you supposed to do when the person you love and trust is touching your body in ways that you don’t like? There’s one thing we’re cl...

Are you a woman who wants sex more than your male partner? All we see on TV, movies, and social media is men wanting it more, so if that’s not the case in your relationship, you may feel like something is horribly wrong.   But after polling our community, we found that almost half of male-female relationships have this dynamic! That has even been the case for us in seasons of our relationship.   W...

Today we’re putting Xander in the hot seat and making him answer all your burning questions about male behavior. Why do they hook boobs? Why are they such big babies when they’re sick? And of course, the age-old question: what's the deal with their marathon bathroom visits? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights.   Links & Resources: Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.v...

Jealousy is one of the most difficult emotions to face, and it feels even trickier when it comes up in your romantic relationship. It’s such a common feeling to have, but it’s also so challenging to even acknowledge.   We asked our community to share what stirs up jealousy in their relationship. Four core themes emerged: work, friendships, sex, and attraction to others. We work through these real-...