Vanessa & Xander Marin

Pillow Talks

Health EN ↓ 268 episodes

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d ha...

Author

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Category

Health

Podcast website

vmtherapy.com

Latest episode

Jul 9, 2026

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Episodes

E193: The Things We Can’t Say In The Comments 30.01.2025

Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat. Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback. In this episode, we’re diving into t...

E192: “Is This Normal?” Part 4 — Low Desire Husband, Never Had A Fight, & Baby Talk 23.01.2025

We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?” We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions! This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to hel...

E191: Breaking Free From Purity Culture And Religious Shame 16.01.2025

If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow. In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for...

E190: Am I Being Reasonable Or Ridiculous? 09.01.2025

Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you? We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s si...

E189: Can We Have A Fresh Start? Or Is It Too Late? 02.01.2025

It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start. We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner. Whether you’re de...

E188: Is Your Ultimatum Going To Work? 26.12.2024

We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked! In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curious about the ones other people have issued - this i...

Episode 187: Am I The Asshole? The Holiday Edition Part 2 19.12.2024

Tis the Season for DRAMA! We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition. We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of our favorite series! Links & Resources: Join our...

Episode 186: Period Sex, Internal Vs External Processors, & Queer In A Straight Relationship 12.12.2024

There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode! Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal versus external processors. Think of this episode li...

Episode 185: How To Navigate Porn In Your Relationship 05.12.2024

Today we’re tackling one of the trickiest and most controversial topics we get asked about - porn. Is it OK to watch porn even if you’re in a relationship? Can it become addicting? Can you forbid your partner from watching it? In this episode we cover how porn affects you personally, pros and cons to bringing porn into your relationship, and what to do if you and your partner disagree. This is a t...

Episode 184: How To Get More Physical Intimacy From Your Partner 27.11.2024

Do you want more physical intimacy in your relationship? In this episode, we’re talking about different kinds of physical intimacy, why it’s so important, how to ask your partner for more, and what to do if you’re worried they won’t understand. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tip...

Episode 183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner 21.11.2024

Do you want more emotional intimacy in your relationship? In today’s episode, we’re covering what emotional intimacy actually is, how to get more of it in your relationship, and even what to do if your partner doesn’t understand what you want. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips...

Episode 182: “Help! I’m Not Into My Partner’s Fantasy!” 14.11.2024

What happens when you have a fantasy that your partner is just not into? When your “yum” is their “yuck” if you will. We asked our IG community for stories about times when their partner wanted to try something they weren’t into, or vice versa. Now, we’re sharing our best advice on how to handle the differences. Links & Resources: Sign up for our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Cozy Ear...

Episode 181: A Brutally Honest Relationship Check-In 07.11.2024

How are we really doing? We had a plan to talk about a different topic, but once we sat down in front of the mics, we decided to go rogue and talk about what life has really been like recently. In today’s episode, we’re getting extra personal and sharing some of our ups and downs from the year so far. We’ve got details about all the tough decisions we’ve been making about the future of our company...

Episode 180: Smash Or Pass: We Try The Weirdest Women’s Magazines Sex Tips 31.10.2024

It’s time for another edition of one of our most popular series, Smash or Pass! This is where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips, so you don’t have to! (We even recorded audio of ourselves trying out a lot of the tips…) Today’s theme is sex tips from 90’s and 00’s women’s magazines. Do these tips about “driving your man wild” actually work? Tune in to find out! Links & Resources: Guide: T...

Episode 179: All Your Female Orgasm Questions: Answered! 24.10.2024

What’s the difference between a clitoral orgasm, g-spot orgasm, and cervical orgasm? What’s squirting? How common is it for women to orgasm multiple times in 1 session? Today we’re taking it back to the very first topic Vanessa became known for - female orgasm (Buzzfeed even called her The Orgasm Whisperer)! In this episode, Vanessa is answering some of the most commonly asked questions about fema...

Episode 178: Tie-Breakers: We Solve Your Relationship Standoffs 17.10.2024

We’re bringing one of our favorite Instagram games to the podcast, Tie-Breakers! We asked our community to share some of the things that they just can’t agree on with their partner. We break the tie for them! We’ve got some interesting relationship stand-offs to dig into for this episode, like who is responsible for chores if only one of you works, if you should charge rent to in-laws, who are liv...

Episode 177: Why You Should Try Mutual Masturbation And How To Do It 10.10.2024

Mutual masturbation is one of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom! But when we asked our audience if they had ever mutually masturbated with their partner, only 36% said yes. in today’s episode, we break down what mutual masturbation is, how to get comfortable and confident doing it, and how to take it to the next level! Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides If you enjoye...

Episode 176: Is This Cheating? 03.10.2024

Is it cheating to keep nudes from past relationships? Have an Only Fans account? Have a “work wife”? For this episode, we asked our community to tell us about a situation they’re in that has left them wondering, “Does this count as cheating?” The answers were fascinating, and we had a blast giving our hot takes. This is a great episode to listen to with your partner, to make sure you’re on the sam...

Episode 175: “Should I Put Up With This In The Bedroom?” 26.09.2024

Is there something your partner does in the bedroom that you’re not sure you should put up with? This episode was inspired by a message we got from a woman whose husband wears headphones and listens to podcasts while they have sex. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to be upset by this behavior. Minds blown, we turned to Instagram to ask people what other confusing or unusual behaviors they w...

Episode 174: Ask Us Anything: Addressing All Of Your Assumptions 19.09.2024

Does Vanessa wear the pants in the relationship? Are we skipping out on meetings to have sex in the middle of the day? Are we rich?? It’s time for another round of Ask Us Anything, and we’re answering all your nosiest assumptions. We’re covering the most personal topics involving our relationship, our business, and even our sex lives. Links & Resources: Course: Your Best Week Ever If you enjoyed t...

Episode 173: I’m Attracted To Someone Else, What Do I Do? 12.09.2024

Ever found yourself feeling attracted to someone else despite being in a committed monogamous relationship? Maybe someone cute you saw at the gym. Or a college. Or even your partner’s best friend?? Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one. Today we’re digging into real stories from our community about times they were attracted to someone else, and giving our best advice on how to handle attraction to...

Episode 172: Bring Sex Toys Into Your Bedroom (Without Making It Weird) 05.09.2024

Have you wanted to bring a sex toy into the bedroom but been worried about your partner’s response? It can be a scary ask! Maybe you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings, maybe you don’t even own one yet. Well, we think sex toys can be an incredibly useful way to balance the orgasm gap and increase pleasure! So in this episode, we’re going to help you introduce sex toys into the bedroo...

Episode 171: Your Funniest Stories About Getting “The Talk” 29.08.2024

“When mommy and daddy lock the bedroom door…” We’ve all been there at some point in our childhood when someone sat us down and talked to us for the first time about sex. Odds are it was probably awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe left you with more questions than before. In this episode, we’re digging into all of your true stories about how “The Talk” was given to you, and we’re sharing our stories...

Episode 170: What Do Women Really Think About ___? Part 2 22.08.2024

We’re back with Part 2 of our “What Do Women Really Think About…?” series. We turned to our instagram community again and asked for a new batch of topics. We’re diving into women’s real thoughts about spitting vs swallowing, their partners watching porn, and some (pretty crazy) wild cards. Links & Resources: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to...

Episode 169: Is This Your Shit Or Mine? Part 2 15.08.2024

Ever had a frustrating situation with a partner that left you wondering, “Is this your problem to fix? Or mine?” Whether it’s disagreeing on parenting choices or your partner having a fetish that you’re not into yourself, it’s completely normal to be confused about who needs to make a change. Today we’re bringing back “Is This Your Shit Or Mine?” for part 2. Get ready for some fascinating stories...

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