Phil and Maude on Successful Relationships

MAUDE: On the path toward peaceful relationships, there are two areas we want to explore today: appreciation and acknowledgment. Both of these can be mighty contributors toward peaceful and loving relating. I was at a birthday party today with a … How Appreciation and Acknowledgment Open a Path to Peaceful Relationships Read More »

Hi, Phil and Maude here. Every week, we sit down and talk until we hit on a theme and jam on what we can say about it. Sometimes a dialogue best captures the essence of the conversation. PHIL: Mutuality is … How Does Mutuality Lead to Peaceful Relationships? Read More »

MAUDE: It is the unique quality of each person that can be the strength of a relationship, and yet it is often the great divider. Usually, when we write about uniqueness and its significance to peaceful relating, we discuss how … It’s Important to Treasure Each Person’s Uniqueness in Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: One of the cornerstones of deep and peaceful relationships is honesty. The ability to practice this within a relationship comes from a level of true acceptance of each other and the consequent trust that develops. This leads to a … Why Honesty is so Important in Creating Peace in Your Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: I’ve been thinking a lot about my deep relationships with friends, family, and my partner, Phil. What makes those relationships so full of support for my own personal growth, comfort, wisdom, laughter, and relaxation? What brings me the most … Why Knowing Your Values is so Important for all Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Our approach to writing about peaceful relationships is that we very much write about how we are rather than saying what you should do. We don’t know what you need to change to get here, but we know what … The Art of Undefended Love — How to Create Truly Peaceful Relationships Read More »

“O, wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!” Robert Burns PHIL: Maude met with someone from her past who reminisced about how he remembered her, and this blew Maude’s mind because her recollection … How to See and Be Seen in Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Maude posted a meme on Facebook: “Be loving today – you can be right tomorrow” that generated an unusually enthusiastic response. Why were people so taken with this attitude? Let’s first consider why we like to be right. We … Be Loving Today – You Can Be Right Tomorrow Read More »

PHIL: When we talk about peace with people who have not experienced it directly, they conceive of it as an absence. It has long been associated with death—the Latin, “Resquiescat in pace,” or R.I.P., stems from the eighth century. But … What is Peace in a Relationship Actually Like? Read More »

PHIL: It’s time to talk directly about being present. We have mentioned it recently when writing about other topics like listening, paying attention, and hanging out. But what does it involve? I have written elsewhere that we have a verbal … You Can’t Love If You’re Not There: Why Presence Matters Read More »

MAUDE: Pay attention! Listen! These seem like rather simple admonishments. And yet, so many of us find it very challenging to do so. Listening to others with an open heart and full attention seems to have become almost a lost … How Attentive Listening Strengthens Your Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: Peaceful relationships are attractive. Once you have experienced the kind of deep calm and relaxation that such a connection provides, it is natural to want more. Developing these kinds of interactions through the many methods we outline in our … How Peaceful Relationships Create the Freedom to Be Yourself Read More »

Here’s a conversation we had the other night about why differences aren’t a problem for us. They don’t need to be a problem for you, either. PHIL: Let me try and describe the nature of our relationship. I look at … Why Differences Don’t Need to Create Problems in Your Relationships Read More »

Maude, with a little assist from Phil, wrote today’s post. Phil and I have, since the very early days of our relationship, set aside a time every evening to be alone with each other. We do many different activities during … How Hanging Out Enhances and Strengthens Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Respect. Like many words, it has come to have several meanings. There is deference: you should respect your parents or pay your respects to someone. But in a relationship, it has a different meaning. When we started to talk … Why Respect is Important for Creating Peaceful Relationships Read More »

When we write these posts, we sit down, talk together, then write separately. This offers you the same subject from two different perspectives with a certain amount of overlap. PHIL: We usually pick what to write about by looking at … How to Find Joy, Peace and Inner Strength Through Your Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: It was recently our 20th anniversary of meeting (and a joyous celebration it was!), and Phil and I were talking about the components of our relationship and other deep relationships with friends and family. The flavor of those peaceful … Why Peaceful Relationships Depend on What You Do and Don’t Do Read More »

MAUDE: Recently, Phil and I and another friend attended a gathering to listen to our government representatives talk about the current situation. It was held a few blocks from where we live, here in Santa Barbara, CA. As we walked … Why It’s Important to Relate to Community as Well as Individuals Read More »

MAUDE: Phil shared a thought last night: “Why get cross with anyone? You will only have to fix it later. It’s like knocking over a vase of flowers because you don’t like the arrangement. You’ll just have to mop up … Embracing Acceptance: How to Let Go of Annoyances in Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: In these challenging and turbulent times, it is important to fill your moments with presence; to be calmly, lovingly present. One of the best ways to do that is through your relationships. Stay connected; put extra attention and effort … Rely on Relationships to Stay Sane in an Insane World Read More »

PHIL: We were talking about the role of acknowledgment in relationships. At basis, it’s a recognition that the other person exists. You are saying “I see you”, which is incredibly affirming. It’s more than saying “Oh, there you are”; it’s … Why Acknowledgment is Like a Magic Charm for Relationships Read More »

Here’s a conversation we had that illustrates how you can connect without a negative charge on a topic that could be loaded. PHIL: I think this might be the perfect time to talk about something that happened a few days … How to Let Conflicts Go Until You Can Talk Without Charge Read More »

MAUDE: Last week, Phil had a big birthday. I had been thinking of how to celebrate him for many months, and had made numerous suggestions to him for grandiose celebrations, parties and trips. He never responded with the least enthusiasm … Pay Attention – It’s How to Best Support Each Other Read More »

PHIL: It may seem obvious; of course you talk to your partner. But lots of conversations are about the shopping or politics or how bad the traffic was, while there can be a whole interior monologue going on that never … Just Talk to Each Other – It’s That Simple Read More »

PHIL: I had an imaginary conversation in my head: “Tell the truth; it’s so much easier than lying.” “But people would say mean, nasty, hurtful things!” “Oh, just tell the truth, but not in a mean, nasty, hurtful way. Instead, … The Importance of Sharing Your Truth in Relationships Read More »