Pat’s Never Here

Dad didn't know PJ was graduating from college or where he was going to school; what is the return policy on adopting a child?

The pod is so back! Pat takes us through the nauseating structure he needs in order to function. We go back through dads highlight reel; Evan shares his guilty pleasure.

PJ makes the mistake of bringing up one of Pats "no-go" topics. We reminisce about PJ's time as a busboy and eventual artisanal pizza chef, and the circumstances surrounding his eventual firing. Pat has a major problem with drinks that don't need to be refrigerated, and Evan makes an outlandish claim about the number of chicken nuggets he can eat in one sitting. Is naming your ki...

Happy Earth Day! We break down all of Pats multiple personalities and the pros/cons of each. Is it genius to gaslight your boyfriend/girlfriend into wanting to break up with you? Our resident pop culture expert discusses the latest Vanderpump Rules, and Pat boasts about his hero, Ted. The quality of content is back to Evan's standards, so give us a listen!

Pat is extremely low energy this morning. The group reflects on the wild success of the podcast and the massive amount of spirit being sold to our listeners. PJ reports from the front lines of the fight against tree pollen. Is it socially acceptable to snack while actively ordering fast food? Pat breaks down the nuance of asking your boss for a raise, and Evan presses PJ to take the audience on a...

Where do we start with this one? Well it is the rest of our live recording session from 4/06/2023. Evan was a dirtbag and sat on it for the last 8 days. If our voices sound muffled, it is not you or your device. We decided eating pizza while recording is something our listeners would prefer. PJ and Pat discuss how they met and their experiences with massages. PJ shares his thoughts and more import...

Pat is M.I.A so we give him a little grace and definitely don't spend the episode hammering him. PJ and Evan discuss the Masters, PJ goes full corporate sellout, and we explore Evan's love language. Are CMC and Olivia Culpo's future children going to have the most defined jawline in history? PJ please work on writing better descriptions for our episodes thanks. 🙏

We make history again. Another live episode at Evan's dining room table. PJ strongly considers a Presidential run while Pat refuses to share the details surrounding his tough day at the office. We determine the validity of "please set your electronic devices to airplane mode" and praise Chili's for being a global operation.

Pat's Never Here makes history. The entire crew knocks this episode out, in person, at Evan's kitchen table. From Pat's failed Best Man speech in front of a coy pond, PJ's Dad who stepped up and what it takes to have an airport named after you. We dive deep into a variety of topics and request Matt Ryan's presence on our podcast.

Pat's actually here today! Are Public schools to Charter schools what the NFL is to the XFL? Evan offers some cooking hacks. Are cyclists the worst people on the planet?

Medium double double and 2 chocolate chip muffins = breakfast of champions.  Is PJs wife trying to smother him?  Evan encounters an irate individual at the gas pump.

Is writing online reviews about a fast-food chain considered rock bottom?  Evan shares his first (and only) wakeboarding experience, and the time he told a room of entrepreneurs that he watched Barney.

Pat finally gets his coffee.  "Peter" joins us on the podcast to share his experience at the fertility clinic, as well as his tips to avoid paying utilities.  Does going back to school automatically double your salary?

PJ gets ruthlessly attacked over generalizing his hometown to the nearest metropolitan area.  Pat boos rural New York, and PJ shares the time he got absolutely bodied by a NY state trooper.

PJ goes on a tirade about his weak mental fortitude when it comes to saying no to subscription services.  Dr. Pat self-diagnoses his mysterious cough and tries to convince us that he could pull someone over in his Kia.

Pat is here, but late?  Not sure if that's any better.  PJ is leading the charge on eliminating the stigma around number 2.  Is Pat a first responder?

PJ's brother Jamie joins us today for some controlled chaos.  Who is the most learned of the group?  Jamie talks about hiking, almost getting killed while being a hitchhiker, and Pat has the AUDACITY to order a medium double double while podding.

Pat's back! We have a (semi) serious chat around ableism - is Pat an ally or an asshole? Evan and Pat are introduced to the world of feet pics.

Pat's brother Allan joins the podcast today - we talk about his car being haunted by the ghost of a criminal, what goes into making the perfect pizza, and Pat's cereal-eating routine.

T's and P's to Damar Hamlin.  Pat's not here (shocker) - PJ and Evan spend their time berating their missing cohost, and we float the idea of a new guest on the podcast.

Pat's here again from his mobile studio.  Does quoting Dwight Schrute in a job interview guarantee you the position?  Pat is the white knight this couple needed but didn't want, and also probably didn't need.  Mr. Fox gives his input. 

Pat is actually here today from his mobile studio - we discuss PJs new closet doors, Pat's JV football injury preventing him from going pro, and Oshie even makes an appearance.