Oz 9

YOU have a dirty mind. "Satan's Boletes" doesn't mean *THAT*. Although it does translate to "Great Satan's Fun Guys," so maybe it's still worth a giggle, as Mrs S says. Welcome to episode 104. Please put your tray tables and seat backs in the upright, we're-all-going-to-die position, because, well, it's Oz 9, and as usual, everything is trying to kill you. Let's just say our sound designer, dialog...

Oz 9 recently turned six, and while most of the crew asked for a quick and painless death for their birthday wish, we're still here. (If you want to give us a prezzie, we do have a Patreon , just sayin'.....) Anyway, there are fun things that happen in this episode, which is odd, so you probably don't want to miss it. Bring confetti. But don't throw it because it REALLY makes Joe nuts. You've been...

Some old nemesisisisisisises have reappeared, and that's ... unfortunate. But at least Bob has some colourful brochures to distract our team from their impending doom. So.... how many oceans is "too many," do you reckon? You've been listening to... Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Mr. Southers,...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Do you have ANY IDEA the literally dozens of hours you've wasted with this bunch of smooth-shelled walnuts? (and yes, that's a reference to their brains, I just couldn't quite make it work the way I wanted). I mean, it's probably not enough time to cure cancer or invent a really good cable organizing system, but you could have latch hooked a really nice rug by now, or made a po...

What would you do if you woke up on a newly terraformed planet (besides die of shock if you were on the Oz 9) to discover your husband has taken over Sanctuary city and rules with what can best be described as an iron fist? Did humans escape the frying pan of Earth only to find themselves in Mars' fire? This sounds amazing, and with Lily Rabe from American Horror Story at the helm, you know it's g...

While Oz 9 is on hiatus (or "in hiding for tax purposes"), it's a great time to discover some new podcasts to binge. So if you're looking to adopt your next best friend, we've got you, fam. Madison On the Air is a "love letter to olde-tyme radio." Madison is a modern-day influencer who gets mysteriously yoiked back in time and shows up in some old time radio episodes. She brings her own modern att...

You're in the Oz 9 void — no new episodes until, what, Halloween or something? It's cruel, we know. We hear your howls of despair. But wait! We have something for you, to fill those long, lonely hours without Once-Captain Jessie, Colin, Mrs Sheffield, Greg, or Joe ( Jesus! ). Yes. We got you a hiatus prezzie, and we think you're really going to like it. If you're not already familiar with Curious...

Well, ain't this a kick in the underpants? No one would have believed, on that random Tuesday in 2142, that the Oz 9 would still be kicking (mumble) months later. And yet, as we stare down the barrel of our 100th full episode, well, here we still are, just to the left of Uranus, clueless and shivering in the dark. But isn't that just the human condition, basically? I mean... if we're going to phil...

Listen up, Space Monkeys! We did the hard work of vetting a very fun new podcast for you, so now all YOU have to do is listen to it. YOU'RE WELCOME. It's Desert Skies , a quirky, comedic, and heartfelt sci-fi podcast about life between this world and the next. The story takes place along the road of a lonely highway at a gas station in the afterlife called Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Servic...

With the end of Season 5 just .... an indeterminate time but probably about two weeks away, the eternal Tuesday of the spotless (thanks to Joe) 9 is getting darker, scarier, and downright rude. We hope you'll join us (though in good conscience we can't recommend it) as we spin and flip and spiral out of control toward the last episode of this season. Bring lozenges — there's gonna be a lot of shou...

It's time to check under the bed, make sure the closet doors are firmly shut, tuck any clown toys in your siblings' rooms or the freezer, and crank up the nightlight — things are getting spooky on the Oz 9. "Something is coming," and it's probably not bearing ice cream or prezzies. The crew of the 9 are in trouble, and though this is no big surprise, it is nearly the end of the season, so you neve...

So, a few things to discuss here. Basically, don't do ANYTHING you hear in this episode. So, I guess there's really only one thing to discuss. Never mind. Some warnings: sounds of person drowning. Some painful but non-lethal punching. There are no credits on this episode, so I'mma do them here. You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Eric Perry as Howard...

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Have you ever met a Kestochalian? Actually, you might have. They're sort of lovely, except when you want to thump them on the snoot. Which, to be fair, is true of a lot of living things. Also my computer. Which, if it had a snoot, would have been thoroughly thumped on today. ANYWAY, we made something for you, and if you've ever made a huge Sunday meal, this is kind o...

Olivia frequently just gets bored watching the crew of the Oz 9 tangle themselves up in disasters of their own making, and lately she's been downloading podcasts to listen to. She recently stumbled across The Sprouting, a show about battling plants (wait for it) .... cleverly. And she liked it. Like ... a lot. She doesn't like ANYTHING, so we're all a bit shocked over here. Please take a listen to...

Well, cue the sultry saxophone and the wire-brushed cymbals, we're back for part II of our "noir" wormhole. We had high hopes for this one (as in, high hopes everyone would get shot and this nightmare would finally be at an end), but we're only down a tour guide, and even he just seems to have wandered off. Goldipants Detective Agency is hot on the heels of Red (aka Colin Smith aka Horace MacRory)...

It's a quiet night on the mean streets of ... uhhhhh ... doesn't matter. And it's not that quiet, either. Lemme start this again. It's a Tuesday night, and the Oz 9 has slipped into yet another wormhole. But it's OK. This one comes with hats. You've been listening to: Lee Shackleford as Pluto Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Bonnie Brantley as Donna David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Tim Sherburn as C...

It's part 2 of this, and then I swear, we're finished and you can go back to just suspecting how pretentious we are rather than having the receipts. We know Feb 14 can be a bit rough for some, so we wanted to give you the subtle sounds of barfing fairies to help you get through the day. Just know, we love your goofy, kooky self ALL days of the year. You've been listening to: David S Dear as Dr. Th...

As Narrator 2 says in this episode, "English majors must perforce English maj," so here's the episode you've all been dreading: the Fakespeare. Come on, stop whining, you knew it was coming. If you're not familiar with A Midsummer Night's Dream , well, there are lots of really excellent versions out there. We prefer you NOT listen to those, however, as that's going to make this seem even more tort...

This episode... it fought back, I tell you what. But we finally wrangled it into some sort of shape. I'mma go with "parallelogram," because it looks like it's about to fall over, but it's a shape, anyway. We meant to get this out when we were still in the throes of the holiday season, but hey, it's Winnie the Pooh Day, and I reckon that's worth celebrating. It's also National Michigan day, soooooo...

It's episode 90! And that's the best thing we can say about it. There's a lot of sampling of condiments. Word of warning: don't get between (former) Cpt. Jessie and the cheese sauce, or lives may be lost. Also, we found a crate of "blight piston bottles." Anyone know what those are good for? You've been listening to: Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Bonnie Brantley as former Captain Jessie and Lady...

It's nearly Christmas as I type this, and I'm bah humbugging like your least favorite neighbor, but throwing out an episode of Oz 9 always makes me happy. I like making the world just a little bit goofier and more confusing. We have some additions to our ship today, and they are stupid cute in the manner of those "got my kid a puppy" videos that are all over the socials, only these might make you...

It's Thanksgiving, Oz 9 style, which means the only thing anyone has to be grateful for is surviving it. If you've ever wondered about the origin of stuffing, well, we have a theory for you. Also, were you aware you speak fluent Klep? It's true. And you didn't even have to practice. Take THAT, Duolingo. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie, Donna, and Daisy Eric Perry as Joe and Jay...

We turned five years old yesterday. The podcast, I mean — Oz 9 just turned 5. How we've lasted that long, we have no idea, but we suspect it has something to do with the fact that everyone is slightly fried from the pandemic and not giving real life 100% of their attention just now. And that's cool. Real life can be a bit of a turd on a hot plate now and again, so suspending reality right alongsid...

Remember those days, hanging out at the mall, thinking Spencer's Gifts was the height of counter-culture because they had festive roach clips? Yeah, me neither. I spent all my time at Waldenbooks. Anyway, get ready for a trip backwards in time to the mall. I can almost smell the Orange Julius and Cinnabon (which reminded me that I made coffee that was currently cooling in the other room, dammit. I...

Continuing in our endeavor to educate the public, much of the cowboy vernacular here is authentic. Well, some of it. "Brown gargle," for example, is totally legit. Should it come up on Jeopardy at some point, we expect compensation. The crew continue to explore the Oz 9, sometimes voluntarily. We know these stupid sandwich machines are trying to tell us something, but knowing that and actually und...