One Topic (Now Known As Potato Sandwich)

Puberty - what a horrific time in one's life. Four out of five children actually say they'd rather burn in an acid bath than have to experience the grisliness that is pubescence. The fifth says they'd rather drink bleach. No matter. Ever the masochists, Autumn and Greg take a look back to the chapter of life that our brains have so desperately tried to forever block from memory.

If you think this episode is going to be a celebration of summer, you need to adjust your expectations. Autumn and Greg dig into the worst season of the year.      

Break-ups are hard. And so is writing a description for this episode. 

Shows on TV can provide insight as to where we stand as a society. Is reality television as bad as Greg perceives, or is he just using it as another excuse to rail against humanity? Maybe it actually falls closer to reality-television-lover Autumn's point of view; that there's a role the programming can play in our lives that doesn't illustrate pending doom. Will any minds be changed? Will points-...

It can be stressful or freeing; a nuisance or a motivator; a sign of status or a thief of morality. While there are countless perspectives regarding it, the one thing that's common across the board is that money impacts our lives, good or bad, like it or not.    It ain't funny, and it ain't sunny, I tell you honey, when it comes to money.   -Some adult who writes like a first grader

Pull out a brown paper grocery bag and place it over your head as a means to hide because this week Autumn and Greg take on embarrassment. The awkwardness and discomfort comes from every angle, through the discombobulation of others, to asinine personal decisions and shortcomings. Don't worry, after listening, you won't be left hanging with unsettled feelings - Greg will share his tip on dispellin...

Maybe you’re lucky enough to live on an isolated plot of land where the nearest person is six hours away by horseback. Most of us, however, share proximity with others, sometimes for the positive, sometimes for the negative. Autumn and Greg explore this wide range with tales of lovable weirdos and disdainful jerks.

Greg is in denial, incapable of admitting he's an animal. There's nothing more disgusting, in his mind, than being a filthy creature who thinks it's better than all the other filthy creatures solely because it is capable of thinking at a higher level. Part of the defense mechanism that comes along with this stressor is that he believes he has no needs. Only animals have needs, so if he has none, i...

Some stupid hobbies that people think are funny could be listed here: Something about goat shearing or lint collecting. We’ll leave that for the hack shows, though. Hobbies are a good way to distract from the ever-passing time; time that ultimately leads to death. Autumn and Greg take a look at ways to distract yourself from mortality.

Braggart she is, Autumn kept showing off, sending Greg videos of her playing her video game emulator, which contains a library of all NES, SNES, Sega Genesis, Atari 2600, and TurboGrafx-16 games. Even when he begged her to stop, blind with envy, she persisted. It’s this happening that served as the inspiration for this week’s show.

"I don't judge. I'm far too evolved and superior to engage in such unrefined behavior."    -WokeAintNoJoke1987, from the "Advanced Maturity" subreddit, January 2019   In response to WokeAintNoJoke1987: I saw your profile picture. An asymmetrical haircut, dyed green...wow, so original! And that shirt...THAT SHIRT!...what in the hell were you thinking? Also, it looks like you have bad breath. There'...

Autumn is gross. Greg is disgusting. That's the conclusion from this episode, which is all about hygiene. You'll either feel better about your existence after listening, knowing you aren't alone in your subpar self-care habits, or you'll be completely repulsed and horrified. Eh...respect wasn't high to begin with, so really, what's there to lose?

Autumn visited Greg in New York, which induced a flood of anxiety. Being a guest - if you're a decent, thoughtful human being - can be a nerve-wracking experience. How much time do you request of the person you're visiting? How do you make sure you don't over-stay your welcome? And if you're the one who is being visited, what obligations must you fulfill, and to what extent? Autumn and Greg use th...

For lack of a better title, this week's discussion is on notes. Autumn and Greg dig out their notebooks, scratch papers, journals, and phones to wade through the many writings that weren't meant for public consumption. You can bet it's going to get dark - it's just a matter of how much light is going to be lost. 

You got old. And now you dislike many of your friends, having realized they're selfish scoundrels with whom you have nothing in common. They're only around because they've always been around, like a piece of old furniture. What are you to do? Is it okay to get rid of them, and if so, how are you supposed to make new friends as an adult?   In this week's episode, Autumn and Greg will help you navig...

Buckle up and settle in for the long haul. Autumn and Greg take the scenic route, covering everything that comes along with a road trip: snacks, pee breaks, music, road rage, truck stop showers...join them for the ride.

While she's in denial over it, Autumn acts like she's constantly in a show, performing for an ever-present invisible audience. This is confirmed when we take a look at her behavior whenever she's alone.   Greg, a veteran of spending time alone, also acts a weirdo. His actions however, are intended to repel an audience, real or imagined.   Maybe the difference between the two isn't so different aft...

Greg had his bag stolen, which provided the inspiration for this week's topic.  After running through his own history of stealing, the initial anger and violation he experienced evolved into that of acceptance and justification. This raised the question as to why people steal. There are plenty of motivators, but do those change within the same thief over the course of a looting career?   As for Au...

To be more precise, this week's topic isn't about vanity in all its forms, but that which is precipitated by aging. If you're wondering how this came about, it's simple: Autumn is panicked about her looks as she grows older. Greg thinks she's beautiful as is. Autumn thinks Greg is an idiot.   The conveyor belt of time keeps moving and there's nothing any of us can do to escape it. Futile as it may...

The episode Autumn doesn't want you to hear! Instead of sticking to the topic at hand, which opened the door to an array of observations about, and discussions regarding idiosyncratic behaviors in, hotels, Autumn decided to use the opportunity to talk about...other things, none of them even salacious or scandalous.   Despite her expressed desire to edit - or even scrap! - the show, doing so would...

We all have to eat. Some people, like Autumn, love it, viewing at as an opportunity to bond and connect with loved ones. Others, like Greg, hate it, finding it to be a nuisance and another scam for people to make money. Do these different viewpoints affect one's diet? Or do we all just eat like crap?

Tired of living in isolation, Greg reaches out for help, hoping Autumn can lead him out of the cave of avoidance and into the light of life. Does she even know the way, or is she just living in a cave of her own?

Autumn is on the search for answers as to why men and women approach sex differently. Can Greg help her find what she's looking for? Probably not.    Fear not. If you're thinking "I've heard this hack BS before," know that the two dive deeper into the sad mental state of human existence that drive such behavior, rather than linger on surface level jokes like the ones your pathetic uncle would tell...

What should we talk about today? Marijuana use? Perception versus reality? No. Let's really get into the what's going on in our society. I mean, we didn't make this podcast to dance around the important issues going on today! We're not going to just take time out of our lives to talk about things that don't matter! THAT'S why we chose the grocery store as this week's one topic.

You ever hear of the film Home Alone? Luckily Autumn and Greg have their finger on the pulse of what's fresh and can fill you in. Take a listen to their hot take on this hot movie. Just try to ignore the audio clipping that happens in the first seven minutes - I swear it goes away - and give them some leeway as they become comfortable doing a show that allows them to speak more than 30 seconds at...