On Her Way - with Grief and Loss by Beryl Botman

Suddenly so many people have much to say about your money.  Making considered decisions about how to handle your financial affairs becomes very important especially when you have to take into account that this is what you have to make do with for the rest of your life. Whatever you do, don’t take any advice from those not knowledgable or qualified to do so.

While busy winding up the late estate and closing down the activities of your beloved, you might be called upon to attend and even participate in events that commemorate his/her/their life. These may find conflicting spaces in your head and heart. Consider them very carefully and seriously. The question is: How do I think my beloved should be remembered?

The business of your deceased loved one needs to be wound up. Winding up an estate is not only legal and financial matters. It is also deeply emotional . Documents used during one’s lifetime find an all-important place in your life following the death of you beloved. Along with the documents come processes and procedures to be followed or executed. You cannot do this on your own.

Upon reflection I see the first week as the most intense, and not the following week as well. Therefore I make a break and speak about the question: Why am I doing this? I reflect on the reasons for my writing process five years after the passing. I explore the reasons for this podcast, after five more years. I explore what has lead me to the decision to write and speak about my grieving process,...

Arranging and attending the funeral of the love of your life  is certainly one of the most difficult events to have to organise at a time when events management is the very last priority on your agenda. Looking back on the role I played and the luxury of hindsight, I would have done it differently, or maybe not. Russel and I having had the discussion of our respective funerals, facilitated many of...

When my husband died in the employ of Stellenbosch University, the situation of having to deal with mutual expectations and responsibilities arose. What I could expect from them, what I could and could not accept from them became issues to deal with from the very start. Know your rights regarding employee benefits and employer obligations.

Mourning with your in-laws is based on current relationships and these relationships raise expectations regarding how I would include them in the arrangements of the funeral and further support, also to our children. Not in my wildest dreams did I expect to experience a sudden shift in relations – a shift for the worse – and the hard lessons I have come to learn.

Almost immediately after the news broke the mourners started arriving. To put this fact into context Beryl introduces this episode with some context regarding the persona Russel Botman was and remains. She continues by reflecting on how she chose to deal with sharing the facts of the tragedy as well some other relevant cultural practices.

Beryl introduces this episode with some background regarding herself as writer and briefly sketches how she came to write her books. Then she reflects on how she composes herself and gains some sense of logic in order to deal with the question of the next moment, namely how to inform those who should know first and support them after they arrive.

Discovering sudden death comes as an emense shock especially for the first one faced with this fact. She explores her initial psychological shock by reflecting on and interpreting some symptoms, like not interpreting observations. For further reflection she relies also the insights of Prof Veonna Goliath who raises issues like hitting blanks and being devoid of logic and other thinking patterns.