ON BOYS Podcast

Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky. Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents  want  to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible. Photo by Kindel Media via Pexels But it’s not. Boys want connection — even if they don’t show it. With the right a...

Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores? You’re not alone  — and there  is  a way forward. In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried. We’ll help you understand the difference between  intrinsic  and  extr...

You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear.  We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To  care . So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future. In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one...

It  is  possible to boost boys’ motivation. Doing so, though, starts with understanding  why  so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question their priorities, interests, and goals. That’s a good thing! AND, it can be incredibly frustrating...

The  first episode  of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018.  Seven years ago! Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe:  Maggie Dent ,  Michael Gurian ,  Amy Lang,   ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblat t,  Steve Biddulph ,  Richard V. Reeves ,  Ruth Whippman , and so, so many others. We’re talked about  puberty ,  porn ,  school ,  ADHD ,  autism ,  entrepreneurism ,  moti...

Raising Awe-Seekers , the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity.   Science, Deb says, shown that  awe isn’t just a feel-good experience —it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distractions and negativity, how do we nurture awe in...

How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity? How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track? And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school? These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A. Takeaways: Boys often f...

Do boys need a rescue plan? The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest. Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the challenges facing boys & young men...

How do we help boys along the path to manhood?  That’s a question  Paul Cumbo , a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book,  A Path to Manhood,  offers encouragement and advice to young men. The available evidenc...

What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students? David Kirkland , founder & CEO of  forwardED , believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating environments where Black boys thrive benefi...

Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy.  “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a  recent essay . Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened”...

Do you know what the parent amplification effect is?  Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit?  “Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business school professor, dad of two boys, and author of  Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself &...

What happens when we prioritize independence over connection?  According to  Dr. Niobe Way,  a developmental psychologist and author of  Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future ,  it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal...

Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest,  Georgie Wisen-Vincent , couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is  serious  or  work  in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! —...

Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think.  Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book,  This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained , the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door. Why Parents Miss the Fir...

Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024?  Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels Your favorites include: 5.  Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed...

Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today! So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K,  How to Raise a Healthy Gamer,  is our Listener Fav of 2024. Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He  knows  video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book,  How to Raise a...

How often do we really listen to boys & young men? Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately  abou t boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing  gender gap  in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned...

We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the  988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline  for help in the United States.  Call 988  or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol. More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United...

If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap."  More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males. Societal and pol...

How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis?  How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson  has been working on these issues for years. Since we last  talked in 2019 , she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families lear...

Do you know what the “man box” is? Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society. In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his...

Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains  and  bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of  Birds & Bees & Kids . Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The 3 Key Things Your Neurodiverg...

Raising boys isn’t easy.  Living  isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways: Nobody has it all figured out. Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial. Learning to tolerate discom...

Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024,  Andrew Reiner , author of  Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency ,  published an article entitled “ Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences .” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. Takeaways: Boys need support, not dis...