Oh These, Those Stars of Space!

Ship's Junior Mortician Vestavia Casketshowroom (Carly Monardo) discovers the perfect wedding gift for Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt) and Meredith Chesterfield (Ali Fisher)-  Azure Skyberries from the cloud planet Cirri-7, which are in season for the first time in 500 years! But who will guide them to retrieve this gift? Perhaps the enigmatic Oberon Coaxial (Branson Reese)? But does this mysterious...

When a Vanguard Tentacle Expert arrives on the ship, Groomda (Tim Platt) can't be far behind. And when that Tentacle Man has an old friend aboard- Helmsman Pluto Cloud-Atlas (Christopher Hastings) can't be far behind either. And when a weird asteroid crashes into the ship? Well that rock's mysterious passenger (Carly Monardo) absolutely cannot be far behind. Hope they can keep up, but has everyone...

Scandal (Carly Monardo) and Begonia (Christopher Hastings) are put off at first when they meet the grim and mysterious photographer Lestecheth Feldermeld (Ali Fisher). But don't worry! Her camera reveals the specter of death :D  

Sacre Bleu...cow?? When Dr. Dewey (Christopher Hastings), grizzled veteran Klaus Kitski (Branson Reese), and ship's Translator Très Bien (Tim Platt) meet for a pleasant evening at the CSS Cavalier's Bowling Alley, they'll unfortunately have to take a raincheck for the 'pleasant' part. Because something very strange is going on with the rest of the crew. And in a world full of auto-translators, is...

When Junior Mortician Vestavia (Carly Monardo), Ship's Agent Billy Onassis (Branson Reese), and Mage of Ill Portent (Christopher Hastings), find themselves on the bridge of the CSS Cavalier, we can only hope they won't be called upon to save the ship in a moment of crisis. They are not equipped to take that kind of thing on! To hear the rest of this episode, and all of our bonus content, Join our...

When plucky Ensign Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt), ship's ENT Dr, Dewey (Chrisopher Hastings) and junior mortician Vestavia Casketshowroom (Carly Monardo) take in the many constellations from the CSS Cavalier's Observation Deck, it's sure to be an evening full of stars. But the stars are even closer than they think, when a mysterious traveler comes aboard (Guest Star RYAN NORTH). Does this voyager b...

When the Flora Regnant of Angio Prime falls gravely ill, ship's tactician Begonia Bloodterror (Christopher Hastings) is whisked away from the Cavalier for what can only be an impending funeral. But when we're talking kings and sucession, even he can't be caught unawares! For aboard this flowering starship are Hellebore (Carly Monardo) and Magentena Chokevenom (Ali Fisher), sisters from a noble hou...

On a critical mission for the CSS Cavalier, Ensign Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt) and his bodyguards Scandal (Carly Monardo) and Charity Mesterfield (Ali Fisher) have nowhere to turn but to an old friend: Xander Mercutio, governor of the Ring City of Relzax. Not only is he willing to help our heroes, he's coincidentally just made a deal to ensure the continued independence of his station. Rad! To he...

Having finally earned a promotion, Ensi-er, Lieutenant Junior Grade Bubbsriel (Carly Monardo) leads a crack team including Blooperno Illion (Christopher Hastings) and ship's chocolatier Delicious Donald (Branson Reese) down to Marsus-4 for an away mission. But will they find the galaxium they're looking for? Or will they find lots of marvelous treats for Delicious Donald to enjoy? Or will they fin...

50th Episode! When a mysterious warning is issued for Deck 52, brothers Rupert (Christopher Hastings), Dupert (Carly Monardo), and Poopert (Branson Reese) take the case! But are they in over their feathered heads? Join our Patreon now for tons more stuff, including AN ENTIRE ADDITIONAL EPISODE EVERY MONTH for patrons only. You can go listen to all of them now! Go! Hurry! It's only five bucks. And...

When a mysterious door appears before three Cavalier crewmembers, they find themselves freed from the hustle-bustle of the galaxy. Each is faced with a momentous choice. Will Werimether (Christopher Hastings) choose to live as a Mage of Good Fortune? Will Groomda (Tim Platt) find love? And will ship's Actor Hercules EGOT (Branson Reese) find a stage big enough for him? And will these choices take...

It's probably Gelmire. With Ali Fisher as Charity Mesterfield, Branson Reese as Guy Normal, Carly Monardo as Scandal, Christopher Hastings as Dr. Dewey, Taylor Moore as Tuscaloosa Casketshowroom, and Tim Platt as *gulp* Gelmire Lysander. Join our Patreon now for tons more stuff, including AN ENTIRE ADDITIONAL EPISODE EVERY MONTH for patrons only. You can go listen to all of them now! Go! Hurry! It...

Every 8 years, the deadliest lifeforms of the galaxy gather to determine the next champion. The Great Tournament is secret. Deadly. Illegal. Kind of hot? Brutal.     Its name is only whispered, for fear of a karate chop to the skull. That name? FIGHTSTAR.   *Thwack*   *Narrator Dies*   This years combatants? Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese). Groomda (Tim Platt). Carboat Bin Laden (Taylor Moore). May...

Though beloved members of our heroic crew, sometimes officers Clare President (Taylor Moore) and Rip Van Winkle (Tim Platt) can feel like outsiders. And when the ship's hot new schoolmaster, Ichabod Crane (Branson Reese) threatens Rip's status as "Ship's Public Domain Washington Irving Character Brought to Life", he starts to wonder, do I belong here at all? Even Clare seems to love him! No one ev...

Gigantix. The name itself causes hearts across the galaxy to flutter with wonder and adventure. The ship of dreams. The voyager of miracles. The Jewel of the Correxian-Vermont Alliance. The finest and largest starship ever built. On a ship this perfect, they don't even need to bother with escape pods!! [note to self- insert more obvious foreshadowing here]. Yes, should be a totally normal voyage i...

Backyard Pyle (Taylor Moore). Dr. Thomas Dewey (Christopher Hastings). Groomda (Tim Platt). Three of the finest officers to ever serve aboard the Cavalier. Three heroes who have risked their lives to explore the galaxy. Three legends...on a daring quest...for missing stuff. Join our Patreon now for tons more stuff, including AN ENTIRE ADDITIONAL EPISODE EVERY MONTH for patrons only. You can go lis...

A hunt for a fresh navcomputer leads Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt), Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese), and Baron Baudelaire (Taylor Moore) to MaxMax-3, a bleak desert world where only the strong survive. Here, laws and manners have been gutted and left for dead by the side of the road, replaced by steel and leather. And if our heroes are ever going to make it out with their prize, they'll need somethi...

When the crew of the Cavalier discovers a shipwreck in deep space with ties to their past, you won't be shocked to learned they send an away team to check it out. Including our heroes Bubbsriel (Carly Monardo), Legs Loveless (Taylor Moore), and Scorpio Ni-Yeer (Branson Reese).  But what happens next? Something you never thought possible.  It will take everything they've got—and maybe the luck of a...

Ah, Starhaven. A simple, happy community, and the perfect place to raise a family, like loving siblings Groomda (Tim Platt), Baron Baudelaire (Taylor Moore), and Guy Normal (Branson Reese). And don't forget their talking cat, Chestershire (Ali Fisher)! Oh? What's that impossible dream they all shared, of serving aboard a starship travelling across the galaxy? No, it's probably nothing!  Join our P...

While the crew mourns a fallen comrade, duty still calls for Katya Bushnikova (Carly Monardo), Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese), and Clare President (Taylor Moore). And, with the Cavalier's water reserves running low, they are sent- where else? AQUWORLD. Hope everything goes...swimmingly.  To hear the rest of this episode, and all of our bonus content, Join our Patreon now for tons more stuff, inclu...

Following the discovery of a long-lost android brother, Threadcount-900 (Christopher Hastings) works tirelessly to revive this unexpected family link, ignoring all distractions, like Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese) and Marvin Blond (Tim Platt). But will Threadcount ever find a way to power on his robotic sibling Scion (Taylor Moore)? And will this be a joyous family reunion...or an unjoyous one? Jo...

When their old Professor pays a visit to the Cavalier, Deremith, the Mage of Good Fortune (Ali Fisher), and Werimether, the Mage of Ill Portent (Christopher Hastings) are thrilled to reminisce about their school days. But when little bambino Limoncello (Taylor Moore) enters the picture, surely nothing will go wrong. With all that awesome power and penchant for mischief, nothing could wrong. I'm no...

Yuletide Kombat Family is a game where holiday themed characters fight to save Christmas. This time, however, the These Those crew puts a whole new spin on the word “SEASON” looooooool! You’ll figure it out once you listen! I love you! Produced [and this episode description written -.ed] by Tim Platt (Baby Groomda, Gene Lime) with additional music from Steve Desiena. Join our Patreon now for tons...

It's high stakes on the Illegal Moon of Scrutum-6, where adventurers Cheredith Mesterfield (Ali Fisher) and her trusty Spacehorse Scandal (Carly Monardo) make a rendezvous with undercover allies Backyard Pyle (Taylor Moore) and Begonia Bloodterror (Christopher Hastings) on a dangerous mission. But they'll need every bit of luck they can find, if they hope to escape THE FELONIOUS PALACE OF LORD MEN...

With errands to run, Ensign Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt) and Vape Salesman Carboat Bin Laden (Taylor Moore), hope to squeeze in a little fun while on the Gaming Moon of Scrutum-6. Let's just hope there's no one waiting down there with a a score to settle. And no, we don't mean a video game score. Branson Reese (Rude Tales of Magic, FX's Swan Boy) also stars.  BEEP BEEP!! HOLIDAY MERCH NOW FOR SALE...