Not Your Mother‘s Book Club

Croissants, Eclairs, and Cannolis, oh my!  No whisk, no weward this week as we wead Her Pastry Shifters by Mia Harlan. Will her stiff peaks get your rolling pins rolling or will this be a salmonella food fight to the death. Ever wanted to be fucked by a pastry? Yes? Well, that’s fucked. Prepare for your jelly doughnut handjob cause this is an erection you can’t argue with. 

Kidnapping, Lesbians, and Escorts, oh my!  We Googled “sexiest lesbian erotica” and The Night Off by Meghan O’Brien came up so that’s what we’re reading. Get ready for the most engorged, plump, erect, slick and sliding, nasty horny slut sex that you’ve ever had the pleasure of bucking your probing puckered juices on. We are going to pump and stroke you with our penetrative wiggling thrusts of dirt...

Dead, dripping, and …disingenuous, oh my!  Ha Ha Heinous. The shit hit the vent this week as we read Going Public by Hudson Lin. Get ready to be mansplained gay sex by a woman. A-N-A-L S-E-X-uh. Pungent sex and wrinkly holes here we come.  This episode is brought to you by Essence of C0ck N.2. A new NYMBC fragrance. Available in stores nowhere. 

Never The Same, Totally Unique, and Completely Not Ever Been Done Before, oh my! -Lady Gaga Get ready to get a heart boner cause this week we’re reading Delta of Venus by the infamous Anaïs Nin. Shit ‘bout to get classy up in here smutz! Get your cock-tails and phallic shaped cigars ready cause this episode is steeped in (whisper) literature realness. Cue cinematic piano montage music.  (Gin marti...

Senators, Centaurs, and Slime, oh my!  Tentacles are feet. Welcome to another episode of Not Your Mother’s Book Club where this week we are reading The Kraken’s Sacrifice by Katee Robert. Like his mucusy tentacles, you’ll be as slick as a slippery lil snakey snake. Didn’t have a tentacle kink before this? You do now.

Secretaries, Ex-Boyfriend’s Daddies, and Job Hunting, oh my!  This week we are finding the limit and playing within it. Yayy! It’s praise kinks! Now get on your knees as we read Praise by Sara Cate. Daddy likes it when you do as you’re told. Join our Patreon and give us money. That’s our good lil smut.

Bowing, Mewling, and Arching, oh my!  The Gods have arrived and they are ready to fight for your vaginas…but only after global warming. Do you taste sounds, command shadows, and have a burning sensation in your fingers? Well sounds like you have…hemorrhoids. Please consult your doctor before sacrificing yourself in a universal war that makes no sense but leads to a sex scene so we’re rolling with...

Shotguns, Shower Heads, and Buttholes, oh my!  A dinosaur called Big Al walks into a bar. Knock Knock. It’s his 7 foot d*ck. Protect your extremities. Welcome to another episode of Not Your Mother’s Book Club where this week we read Wet Hot Allosaurus Summer by Lola Faust. Also Mikayla traumatizes Dharma with a horrifying tale. We will leave you with this: “Gentlemen, when history calls you to lea...

Serenity, Passion, and Surrender, oh my! Welcome back, smutz, to another season of chaos! Mikayla’s celibate and Dharma has a Southern drawl. What’s new? When the clock strikes midnight…you know what happens. Sex. No shoes left behind as we read Cinderfella by Linda Jones. Were they slip-on? Did they fit? Is he gay? Tune in to find out. 

Funnies, Out-takes, and Rants, oh my! New year. Same chaos.

Magic, Mistletoe, and Moaning, oh my! You must have all been extra naughty this year to deserve what you're about to hear. Finishing off 2022 strong with our longest, most unhinged, and chaotic bonus episode of all time. Buckle your belts and secure your Santa hats because Old Saint Nick is filling you with his holiday cheer and peppermint stuffing. You'll be ho ho ho-ing and oh no no-ing while we...

Pebbles, Boulders, and Stones, oh my!  Happy Halloween you ghouls! It’s monster season so we’re bringing you Titan: A Gargoyle Daddy Dom Romance by Jillian Graves. Will this monster have you doing the mash or time warping away? Bonus question…what does a gargoyle's semen look like? Wanna know? Hit play if you dare.  

Winter, Buffets, and Livestock, oh my!  We ‘tis thee farewell. Leaving you with Jasmine Haynes’ Past Midnight. Will this throwback be just as good as we remember or have we been forever scarred by sexy priests, hot uncles and blue barbarians…oh my. We know you are gonna cry lots because you’ll miss us but never fear…your mistresses are always here. Like Santa…we know when you are sleeping. We know...

Actions, Speak, Louder, oh my! This week we are listening to the lesbians. Join us as we read Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake. There’s a reason women are better at everything and we are going to demonstrate why. It took us a while but we finally got the ladies on board…and once you go lesbian…you never go back. Book your one way ticket to Vagina Town here!  

Men Written by Women, oh my! It’s our first regency novel of the season and Tessa Dare came to impress with A Week to be Wicked. Are we getting romanced by the rake or raked by the romance? Me thinks thy orgasm shant hypothesize no longer. Confused? Oh don’t be…Lord Colin’s got you.

Kegs of Lube, Penis Straws, and Espresso Shots, oh my!  This book claims “hilarious and erotic surprises”...we claim…BANKRUPTCY! Call the police 'cause someone broke the TV and the unicorn is upset. What could possibly go better with a pump of lube than a wet blanket. Fasten your double-sided dildos 'cause this book is gonna fuck you up. Oh yeah…the book is called Night Shift: A Choose-Your-Own Er...

**Our generous Distinguished Patrons have deemed you all worthy and selected this EXCLUSIVE EPISODE to release for your pleasure. Enjoy!** Space, Planets, and Jail, oh my! THE PRISONER IS ESCAPING….into my…vagina. Welcome to another exclusive episode, distinguished patrons. This week DP Jamie lost again which means we will be reading, In Fugitive Arms by Christine Michels. Was DP Jamie right or wi...

Your two favourite smutty ladies are taking a break for the next two months due to exciting things in our personal lives! Be sure to check back in in September when we will continue Season 2! If you miss us, check out our Patreon here , or follow us on TikTok (@notyourmothersbookclub). Love ya!

Beavers, Mounties, and Denim, oh my! Hope you’re all wearing your Canadian Tuxedo this week as we read Full Mountie by Ainsley Booth and Sadie Haller. It’s Canada Day and we’re here to make sure your beavers are extra frisky. Hope your True North is strong, free, and sexy cause we are ready to Mountie your ass, eh.  

Demons, Magicians, and a Girl, oh my!  This is the most vanilla sex scene we have ever read. There are no demons, forked tongues, or clawed hands of any sort so brace yourselves as we read Her Soul to Take by Harley Laroux. They may be f*cking on sacred ground but there is nothing holy about this. Are you ready to sell your soul? CONTENT WARNING: minor blood play and primal play.

Wizards, Dinos, and Mammoth Shafts, oh my!  It’s Pride Month Smutz and you know we’ve got something TINGLY in store for yall. Magic clits at the ready as we read Trans Wizard Harriet Porber and the Bad Boy Parasaurolophus by, you guessed it, Chuck Tingle. Hope you like bad boy wizards with tattoos, a bowl cut, talons, and scales.  

Biting, Bleeding, and Boning, oh my!  Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton has officially left us both speechless.   CONTENT WARNING: consensual non-consent, gun-play, violence, murder, sex-trafficking, stalking.

Magic, Flying, and Typos, oh my! She’s a little bit boring and his name is Justin. Welcome to another episode Smutz! It’s Mother’s Day and we are here to give you the orgasm you’ve been waiting for. Scrap that…you’ll need a spa day after reading One Little Secret by Maureen Child. Another white brunette with money problems!? Prepare to be thoroughly underwhelmed. 

Uncles, Cousins, and Estranged Nieces, oh no!  Join the confusion smutz! They say love is a battlefield but they never mentioned uncle porn. Well, it’s definitely an internal war zone this week as we read Credence by Penelope Douglas. Will this book have you developing a new taboo kink or calling child services…we don’t know either.  CONTENT WARNING: taboo, incest, and suicide 

Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, OH MY!  The heavens have opened on this most glorious of days. Welcome to our special orgasmic Easter Sunday Episode! Today’s sermon is brought to you by Sierra Simone’s Priest. Gather up your flock and prepare the eggs ‘cause the holy fertilization is upon us. Amen.    CONTENT WARNING: suicide and child SA.