Not If I Reboot You First!

*record scratch* Yup, that's us. You're probably wondering how we got into this situation. It all started when Christina brought us the highly derivative 2005 comic Wildsiderz to reboot. She took Lindsay and Tanner on a journey through decent ideas, poor execution, and DOCTOR TYBERIUS SPYDER. Along the way the trio also discover teenage dirtbags, breakfasts that will kill you, and Xtreme Teen Lind...

This week, special guest Jake Mason is taking us on a trip to a lovely place called Raccoon City (or maybe Toronto?) in order to reboot the Resident Evil movies into a cheesy television series. He tells Tanner and Lindsay all about zombie escape rooms, being evil as A Brand, and how Wentworth Miller may not be Chris Redfield but will always be Captain Cold. Though thanks to some big tangent energy...

This week, everything else is just a toy as Tanner creates a sequel to the 90s toys-to-life movie Small Soldiers. It's gonna be a movie, or maybe a comic book? They'll tell Lindsay all about the heroic Gorgonites, especially the leader Archer and how much their mom loves him. Also discussed are nerdy surnames, Christopher Guest's noble causes, and the decomposition of transformers toys.   Our cove...

School's in session! Night School, that is! Lindsay wants to see an adaptation of an OEL Canadian Manga about a girl going to a magical school, but one far superior to Hogwarts. She and Tanner discuss how they could expand on the more interesting plot points such as the unique character curses, the immortal god-like beings, and the adorable smoke monsters. Also discussed are the problems with West...

FLORIDA! The land of gators, wacky headlines, and one tip of the Bermuda Triangle - don't you think that makes a great place for a branch of Torchwood? Tanner does! They try to catch Lindsay up on year's worth of barely-remembered Doctor Who lore in order to create an amusing series that incorporates former cast members while also standing on its own. Also discussed are how to adopt robots, the al...

This week we have a special guest as Duncan The Beast fills in for Lindsay. Duncan's a GAMER, and his favourite game is SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, and his least favourite is SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2006. He and Tanner will try to reboot it by simplifying the story, giving the development team enough time to make it work properly, and generally avoiding corporate foolishness. They'll also discuss which Sonic c...

Here comes Lindsay with another depressing story from the Cold War: The Spy Who Came in from The Cold! Are there any uplifting stories from the Cold War? If there are, we haven’t heard ’em. As Lindsay tells the story of the original novel she and Tanner discover a circus made of spies, ruin the auras of new-age shopping centres, and breath the same air as the fun and good-looking communists.   Our...

Tanner has spiders on the brain, so they've thrown out the idea they had last week and are instead trying to make a Silk movie for the MCU. They and Lindsay discuss the concerning early days of the character of Cindy Moon while trying to untangle a web of Spider continuity. Then, because it's the last episode of the year and they're tired, they also go right off the deep end talking about Banksy,...

Lindsay managed to find a tangentially-jingly subject for this week's reboot: the tale of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. She and Tanner think it could be made into a very charming animated short film despite the inherent weirdness, violence, and too much incest. They also discuss the stigma against animation, the King Arthur Expanded Universe, and twink vibes.    Our cover art is by Alex aka @pt...

Merry Chrysler everyone! Tanner's spending the Holidays by coming up with an movie based on the story inside The Waitresses' hit song "Christmas Wrapping". They and Lindsay will discuss how it's ahead of its time with the way it taps into the millennial feeling of loving Christmas while simultaneously feeling exhausted by it. They'll also talk about shotgunning a can of cranberries, a beautiful pl...

Gather round witches and wizards, it's time for Lindsay to confront JK Rowling and her many, many Crimes of Grindelwald. She and Tanner are giving hot takes about the Grindeldorf narrative needing to exist in its own movie, Newt's story needing more cryptids and gangsters, and the Harry Potter world's inability to mesh with reality in general. We'll also discuss Christian Allegories, Warner Bros'...

This week Lindsay and Tanner join forces to discuss their idea for a modern Sherlock Holmes adaptation, with a bunch of other amateur sleuths added in. It features a discussion on mental illness in several public domain detectives, lots of gender flipping, and the universal Watson. We also discuss relatives with the same names, University seating arrangements, and yelling at Houdini.   This episod...

  It's all in Tanner's hands this week as they bring Animorphs to the table - though since Lindsay never read the books it's mostly just Tanner gushing about it. They talk about the franchise making all the wrong merchandising decisions, and how to adapt it in a way that doesn’t detract from the morality plays and mature subject matter the series tackled. Also discussed is Lindsay's constitution s...

  Aloha listeners! Lindsay’s gotten us all tickets to an American live-action reboot of Sailor Moon in Hawaii! It’s got everything: an Usagi who games, multiple uses for the term “cousin”, and Lindsay trying real hard to sell the toy rights to Hasbro. They also discuss the hypnotist from their real-life after-grad party, Tanner’s accents going all over the place, and what infernal forces have trap...

It's a retro flashback episode full of 80s cheese and 70s sleaze when Tanner proposes that they and Lindsay create a prequel to the Ocean's Eleven heist movie franchise. Tanner digs into the deep lore gleaned from all four movies to create the story of Danny and Debbie Ocean's first job, with Lindsay providing all the historical information on aesthetics and highly stupid real world crooks. Along...

This week Lindsay is creating something new: a film based on the life story of Francis Pegahmagabow, a Canadian First Nations soldier from WWI who went on to do some pretty great stuff both during and after the conflict. She and Tanner also get serious when talking about the treatment of First Nations peoples in Canada and the importance of standing against fascism. Though along the way they do co...

Tanner's a little sick this week - maybe they were cursed by The Mummy! They're rebooting that film for the fourth or fifth time this week, and with Lindsay they'll discuss how to make a good cinematic universe, complain about death gods always getting the villain treatment, and wonder if Lindsay can be (legally) mummified and eaten after her demise. Along the way they also come across Pre-Raphael...

Content warning for animal violence - we do talk about what animal attacks can do in some detail. This week, Lindsay brings to the table The Ghost and The Darkness, a horror movie based on real life(!) man-eating lions attacking a construction site in the 1890s, followed by a 1990s movie with screentime-eating actors. She and Tanner end up going on lovely tangents about how animals are simultaneou...

In this weeks episode, Tanner brings to the table the neo-noir action-goth film Underworld. They and Lindsay take it to task on why its fantastic racism narrative works even less than usual examples, and Tanner tries to improve it by introducing more sympathetic characters. Along the way they also come across vampires with weak names and werewolves who's names Tanner refused to google, and they de...

The latest entry in the Conjuring Cinematic Universe landed a few weeks ago, bringing all it's Soviet-less historical inaccuracies with it - and Lindsay's have nun of that. She takes apart The Nun, giving Tanner a crash course on the split between Roman Catholocism and the Orthodoxy, the latter's team-up with Stalin, and the terrible fallout that ensued in real life. Along the way they also encoun...

This week, Tanner is rebooting the classic teen film The Breakfast Club. Them and Lindsay will determine how to improve its portrayal of adolescent angst and public school library architecture. Along the way they also encounter proper method acting, 80s rich girl problems, and canine fashion choices. Our cover art is by Alex aka @ptchew, and her work can be found on  ptchew.com . Our theme music i...

In the inaugural episode of Not If I Reboot You First, Lindsay brings to the table the second season of "Once Upon a Time", a hot mess in a series of hot messes. She and Tanner try to take the good parts and string together some decent character development, with a helping of some real good therapy. Along the way they also encounter Germanic inheritance rulings, Enchanted Forest Iron Man, and lite...

Welcome to a Podcast all about taking something that already exists and remaking it the way we'd like to see it - before Hollywood does, that is. Join Tanner and Lindsay in rebooting, remaking, sequelizing, adapting, and all manner of second tries at their favourite properties!