Not Actually Film Critics

The wrecking crew bursts into the new year and  expatiates  (mmmm) on the peculiarities of calendars and the concept of time, which is what the last film of the Vampire theme is called:  Cronos.  For director Guillermo del Toro's debut film, this 1993 movie about an older Mexican antique store owner's chance encounter with a bloodthirsty device features some sweet gore. But will it make Gibbs' lis...

We recap the end of the year with our takes on recent video game awards, including Gibbs' and Zea's favorite,  It Takes Two . The gang records a liiittle early since Izzy is off for a stay in a cabin, AKA a murderden, The pick this week is the Korean horror-drama-romance?  Thirst  (2009), from the director of Old Boy - a twist on the classic vampire tale as a priest-turned-vampire gets hot and hea...

Hope you're ready for a SMACKEROONI of an episode, since the gang is armed and loaded with bullets of laughter. First they fire off about recent Netflix adaptations and what the next series should be, which leads them to ponder about adapting the Bible, particularly as a wrestling opera. Speaking of recent adaptations, how about The Wheel of Time? More like Wheel of WASTE of Time, according to Izz...

mmmm this is a real juicy one as the gang fantasizes about the soundtrack to deliciousness, then pauses to consider how to make offensive pop music and if Awkwafina's representation of the Asian community - Mox and Izzy are not fans. They verbally salivate over puddin before diving into our newest theme:  vampires . Izzy starts us off with the recent Netflix film,  Blood Red Sky  (2021), about a *...

Gibbs and Izzy take this episode on their backs and carry it to glory. They explore the logistics of polyamorous relationships, their reactions to the first couple episodes of new  Cowboy Bebop , and the black hole that reboot culture that has become. Spookiness everywhere as Gibbs recounts his viewing of  The Shining  on a full Beaver Moon night. They cap off the  Dream  theme with 2001's  Waking...

Join us as we reconvene from an Internet-outage delayed episode, where we witness the birth of Santa Turkey. The guys profess their love for the new tactical RPG  Wildermyth , Izzy reviews Netflix's  Midnight Mass  and  Arcane: League of Legends . We then dive into the brilliantly ridiculous and surreal  Brazil  (1985), from Monty Python member and noted weird moviemakerTerry Gilliam. We'll let Iz...

What if, like, when you teleport, you aren't the same person anymore? And, like, what constitutes "you"?    Such gems of profundity can be gleaned from an exquisite episode this week; you better wear a helmet, because we're gonna blow your mind. The gang discusses Gibbs'  Future Self   © , the weird lingo of the workout community, and what to do when you want to say something is "meta" now. We the...

Fresh off the spice kick of watching Dune in an IMAX theater, Gibbs begins his ascension towards Muad'Dib-dom and all lay witness. Other than an express review of the new Dune , the gang also gets into the new Cowboy Bebop teaser and Izzy tells us about the latest Bond film, No Time To Die . Oh yeah... and that Chappelle special too. We wonder too about the state of live action anime and just Holl...

Where in the world did South Korea come from?? Other than Asia, we attempt to answer this question as we wonder about recent Korean hits like Squid Game and BTS. We jump over the Sea of Japan to pontificate on Japan's future, including the release of the newest Demon Slayer episode (spoiler: Izzy doesn't like it) and anime series like I Want to Eat Your Pancreas. Some listener fanmail probes the c...

Izzy is so on top of things this episode you can even see up his shirt, you weirdo - he's got Community talk, an explanation for gaming terms like "whale", and even a 007 movie VIP experience to discuss in the near future. The rest of the gang is pretty much speechless from Izzy's topitude, other than Gibbs longing for the new Smash character Meta Mario. Izzy then makes a brave pick for the theme...

In preparation for No Time to Die (in theaters October 8 ), Izzy explores the Daniel Craig pantheon of James Bond movies. Support us on Patreon !

Gooooood morning Mox, and welcome to the show! We wake him up with a listener email about Evangelion while we mourn Zea's absence due to a brand new cherry-flavored booster shot. We fill the devastating void by reviewing the recent  My Little Pony: A New Generation  movie, along with  Japan S(t)inks  and  Star Wars Visions . We also create your favoritest new DnD character, the Lo-Fi Bard. It's re...

Mox kicks off our newest category of RITUAL  while Zea hatefully sits out, which can only mean one thing: casting calls! We hear Gibbs' horrifying story of the treadmill shuffler and get an impromptu review of 2021's Malignant - (tl;dr  it's not great ). Izzy regales us with his review of recent Bond movies in the leadup to  No Time to Die , and we wonder if changes could be in the mix... which le...

JONATHAN - JONATHAN - JONATHAN Jonathan is the hero our crew leans on as we watch the 1975 film Rollerball  to cap off the theme of competition. Before that, we follow up with Gibbs' quest for the truth about bathroom motion sensors and eventually get to breaking hymens while horseback riding. Get thee to a fried chicken sandwich! Support us on Patreon !

Minus a Zea this week, the bros talk about what's on everyone's mind recently: ballerina foot fetishes. Gibbs gives us an update on his bathroom quest, and we dissect the 2011 Tom Hardy+Joel Edgerton film  Warrior  which has great MMA action but some unnecessary bad-daddy drama. Support us on Patreon !

We're back to titillating toilet talk as Gibbs explains his misadventures in a motion sensor bathroom at work, which leads to a new quest. Mox isn't quite sure what the name of his pick is, which is 2018's  Game Night  with Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams. This fun, game-themed comedy is a solid hit with everybody; you should watch it NOW. Support us on Patreon !

Oh yeah, this is the good stuff where we Gibbs you some Mox all over the Evangelion 4.0 movie. Mox gives a lotta hot takes spicier than your grandma's chili and Gibbs adds some thoughts on the end? of Evangelion.      for now. Support us on Patreon !

It's a reviewapalooza as we give our takes on having inner monologues (what's it like to not have one?), #brandnewcherryflavor (is the gore and lore worth it?), and IKEA urinals (why do they have junk mirrors?). We then launch into our new theme of competition with the 1988 film  Bull Durham  starring Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon, and Tim Robbins in a sports-romance-comedy about minor league base...

It's a whapwowserbowser of an episode as we muse on the possibilities of using tech to flip through our memories, inspiring our guts with some new shit, and the origins of Fievel - did he come from Bible Black? Then we watch the 2014 Chinese-made  A Touch of Sin,  a 4-story anthology of class struggles in different areas of China. We learn that classism is the same, but different, everywhere in th...

Sorry we're late, technology got in the way, but this week we watch our FIRST ever documentary. We discuss if documentaries should be considered as movies, and more importantly, are white people dirtier and more unclean than others?? We investigate by asking our resident white people about their cleaning habits. We then launch into reviewing 2010's  Inside Job , which explores the financial crisis...

Here's a sneak peak at Zea's ASMR Podcast series. Support us on Patreon !

The gang minus Mox extols and deliberates on the many possibilities for high heels. We talk about people we like, like Rami Malek, Billie Eilish, and Ted Lasso. We successfully secure a VPN promoter. .? and sink into the Sudeikis-Wilde-Styles fiasco. Then we watch the excellent 2015 biographic comedy drama  The Big Short  with a lot of famous people who act well and deliver convincing performances...

This week, we learn that Izzy is feeling the new Billie Eilish Compact Disc. Gibbs invents the Floppy (Fl) as a standard measurement for song, albums, and of course, penises. The men once again mansplain how womanscaping isn't a thing nor is Netflix's recent  Gunpowder Milkshake  a good movie. Zea picks a fight over Pickle Rick. We then start off our new theme of Class Warfare with the eccentric 2...

Oh how sweet it is to be reunited. Gibbs and Zea are back and tell of their Southern vacation tales, including a memorable trip to a New Orleans vampire bar. We then round out the theme of Madness with Mox's pick, the French 1967 film  Playtime . Dizzying choreography and visual gags mark this 2-hour loonfest, and comes recommended from Dunkey himself.   Support us on Patreon !

Just Mox and Izzy again. Netflix's Kingdom America: The Motion Picture Izzy's 3D printer Trash talk about Gibbs and Zea The Batman circle jerk Thoughts on theatrical releases during covid Upcoming movies The Tomorrow War is having a sequel?! What are movies that need to be on the big screen? Support us on Patreon !