Not A Straight White Male

We made it to day 100 🥲 For the past 100 days, I’ve sat down every single day and shared whatever was happening in my life and whatever was going through my head. Somehow it became one of the most honest versions of myself I’ve ever shared online. For the final daily vlog, I reflect on what this challenge taught me about consistency, my all-or-nothing mindset, relationships, learning to love your...

Day 99 — somehow there’s only one vlog left. Today I’m sick, exhausted, and apparently using the vlog as therapy again 😂 A small conversation with my mum sends me down a rabbit hole about why I feel guilty saying no to my parents, why certain family expectations trigger me so much, and how to set boundaries with someone you love when they don’t necessarily realise they’re crossing them. I also an...

Today our clothing brand samples finally arrive… and they are nowhere near what we expected 😭 Apparently designing clothes involves a lot more trial and error than I realised. I also talk about trying to understand why Peter sometimes dreads filming, why I think successful relationships require both people to keep looking for solutions, and a mindset shift I’ve been experimenting with lately. Ins...

Today I’m thinking about something Peter and I definitely disagree on: working with your partner. I’m now working with Peter on our productivity app and Joel on a completely different project, and it’s made me realise how important it is to separate frustration with a problem from frustration with the person you love. I also talk about how I define friendship versus relationships, why living in di...

I think I’m finally figuring out why I actually want to make more money. It’s less about having “stuff” and more about having freedom — our own space, travelling without worrying about every flight price, paying for convenience, and designing life around how we actually want to live. Peter is also making more progress on our koala productivity app, and somehow Chai leads me into a whole conversati...

Today I somehow end up spending 20 minutes trying to figure out where jealousy actually comes from. I break it down into fear, insecurity, envy and FOMO — including what I felt watching two of my boyfriends make out — and talk about the opposite feeling: compersion, or feeling happiness because someone you love is happy. I also share updates on our clothing brand, Peter’s productivity app, using A...

A lot of life and business updates today. Peter and I have decided to start working together again — this time by building a productivity app around a little koala that only makes progress when you actually focus and get your work done. I also talk about why my relationship with money is changing, our clothing brand shoot, learning to work around our different strengths, and whether discomfort is...

Today I’m thinking about how much of what we believe is simply inherited from the way we were raised. From being taught as a kid not to stick chopsticks into rice, to seeing completely different behaviours become “normal” in another country, I’ve realised how easy it is to mistake our own perspective for objective truth. I also answer some comments about cultural differences, judging other people,...

Today somehow goes from trying to “beat” a buffet to me spiralling about what my life would look like if Peter died 😭 Then I get into why school teaches us to follow rules, how our upbringing shapes the way we think about money, and something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: maybe good relationships aren’t about compromising in the middle. Sometimes the better answer comes from understandin...

Our Hanoi family trip is officially over and we’re heading back home to Ho Chi Minh City 🥲 We reunite with Chai, somehow survive the scariest Grab ride I’ve ever had, debrief all the family arguments from the trip, and I start figuring out what I actually want to work on next. Back home and back to reality.

In today's vlog we take a day trip out of Hanoi for some beautiful views and scenery.

In today’s vlog: Visiting Hanoi’s colourful incense village and seeing the entire process of making incense sticks from bamboo Learning how traditional Vietnamese nón lá hats are still handmade , with each one taking hours to complete Discovering lotus silk and insanely detailed embroidered artwork that can take months or even a year to make Finishing the day hunting for food around Hanoi while Pe...

In today’s vlog: Waking up for our final morning on the cruise and visiting a tiny local village in Lan Ha Bay Finding out we’d actually been cruising Lan Ha Bay rather than Ha Long Bay , and why I’d recommend the quieter option Returning to Hanoi and discovering our new Airbnb looks significantly better in the photos than it does in real life Trying to reset my mood after getting overstimulated,...

In today’s vlog: Leaving Hanoi with the family for our overnight cruise through Ha Long Bay Somehow getting a free upgrade to a much nicer cruise , complete with a huge room, balcony and ridiculous amount of food Kayaking through the limestone islands with Peter, nearly hitting the rocks and discovering jellyfish in the water Swimming, making spring rolls, eating a multi-course dinner and attempti...

In today’s vlog: Spending a chill day exploring Hanoi Old Quarter with both our families , eating, shopping and wandering the streets Realising our parents have a very different idea of a holiday — they want to maximise every hour while Peter and I just want to eat, rest and take things slowly Visiting Hanoi Train Street with the family and watching the train pass ridiculously close to all the caf...

In today’s vlog: Arriving in Hanoi with Peter’s parents and moving into our huge three-storey townhouse in the Old Quarter Wandering the streets looking for bún chả, phở and local food , while trying to keep everyone fed My parents, brother and sister-in-law gradually arrive and the whole family trip finally comes together Peter is still recovering and struggling to eat, so between exploring Hanoi...

In today’s vlog: Wondering whether loving someone sometimes means letting them be uncomfortable enough to grow , rather than always making life easier for them Thinking about tough love and the conflict between wanting Peter, Dan and Joelle to be happy versus wanting them to achieve more My ADHD sends me into a spiral after I lose a tiny SD card , while sick Peter somehow ends up finding it for me...

In today’s vlog:- Why changing someone’s mind often starts with making them feel understood, rather than telling them they’re wrong- How living in Vietnam has forced me to question what I considered “normal” or “right” simply because of how I was raised- Why I think new and unexpected experiences are some of the fastest ways to grow and change how you see the world- Realising I’m increasingly pass...

In today’s vlog: Peter finally goes to the hospital for his painful mouth swelling and ulcers , and I realise what taking care of your partner actually looks like Why love for us sometimes means putting each other’s needs above our own , even when they insist they can handle things themselves Answering whether our future kids would have four dads , and why the relationship matters more than the la...

In today’s vlog:- Whether the four of us could ever actually break up, when our relationship never really had an official beginning- How we went from two established couples to four boyfriends, and the conversations that made affection between everyone feel comfortable- Learning that “I’m fine” doesn’t always mean someone is fine, and why understanding a partner requires reading beyond their words...

In today’s vlog: Realising that hard things don’t stay hard forever — you either quit, or repetition eventually makes them easier Going completely back to basics at the gym after years of lifting, and relearning how to move properly Feeling overwhelmed writing and editing our clothing brand skits , while reminding myself that every attempt makes the next one easier Peter starts building his own ap...

In today’s vlog: Peter’s psychiatrist gives him a daily mood chart , and we start recognising the pattern between his highs and lows After a couple of difficult weeks, Peter suddenly has more energy and motivation again Spending hours on the phone with my other two boyfriends because we miss each other Realising how easily sales and discounts influence our spending , plus the end of our house reno...

In today’s vlog: Realising relationships aren’t just about receiving love — your partner also needs to be able to give it in their own way Why I still love holding Peter’s hand in public , and why visibility for different relationships matters Planning our US road trip with all three boyfriends and trying to make everyone happy with the itinerary Our house is still full of construction dust and mo...

In today’s vlog: Why some people who supported us as a gay couple turned against us when we shared our four-person relationship Learning to stop shaping my life around other people’s approval and becoming more comfortable being myself Construction turning our house into mosquito chaos , including putting a giant mosquito net over our bed Realising my brain works differently for creative work , and...

In today’s vlog: Why we still sleep with our original partners — comfort, habit, history, and not wanting anyone left out Working through creative block while writing skits for our clothing brand Testing fragrances for the clothes to make the unboxing experience more memorable Why relationships can be whatever works for the people in them , rather than following a preset template