Normalize therapy.

Christians have been trying to figure out for centuries: is divorce and remarriage ever the right thing to do? For some, that’s an intellectual discussion – for others, it’s a huge, unexpected reality in their lives. Back in Episode 13, we answered the question, “Is it ever OK to say, ‘ If you do XYZ I’m going to divorce you ’”? In response to that post, a spouse wrote us to ask, “If there are rep...

We had the privilege this week of interviewing Tyler Ward, author of Marriage Rebranded: Modern Misconceptions & the Unnatural Art of Loving Another Person . Tyler found that about 18 months into his marriage, despite having an awesome wife, things started to go south. Fights and arguments were becoming the norm. Knowing that he wanted better for his marriage, Tyler started to look at his own...

Who ever starts their day by thinking, “Hey, I’m going to have an affair today?” Doesn’t happen! But, how many people do you know – or maybe this has been you – that find themselves one day asking, “How did this affair ever happen to our marriage?” Our prayer in writing this is that it makes someone who is reading, suck air and go “OH BOY – it’s time to make an about-turn because I’m headed for a...

After going on a vacation, have you ever noticed the fact that oftentimes your family and friends are more excited about your vacation than you are? Sure, a lot of us enjoy our vacations, but they can be kind of stressful too! Why is it that we expect uninterrupted bliss, but the reality is most of us have our little spats, our frustrations and disappointments on vacation? Holidays are necessary a...

You know, even if you are committed to your marriage, you can still make it a miserable experience. Today, we will look at three negativity traps you can fall into and how to get out of them! If you have ever felt yourself stuck in a rut of negativity, you know how draining that can be on you and your spouse. Negativity is not something anybody should dwell on. So, as we explore the topic today, w...

Why do we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others? Is it a fear of rejection? Of not being good enough? Making comparisons is never healthy, but in the context of marriage, it can suck the soul right out of it. It is draining and destructive. Why? It’s because it leaves us looking for what we don’t have instead of focusing on what we do have. Often when we are comparing our spouse t...

Where do you go with your stress? Do you take it out on your wife or husband? Or do you take it to your spouse? I know, I know, there are a lot of jokes about marriage adding to your stress… The great thing about marriage though, is that its design is perfect for the management and reduction of stress. One of the fundamental invitations of Jesus Christ was to give rest/relief as  Matthew 11:28 sta...

How awesome does it feel to be completely understood by someone – to feel that they ‘get’ you when you are explaining a problem!? Do you want to be a spouse that is able to give this blessing? Listening to understand is one of those skills in marriage that doesn’t have a very sexy label, but is going to go a long ways towards building a thriving, passionate marriage. I know you’re probably thinkin...

A Ritual of Emotional Connection This is a quick episode again as we are still vacationing in South Dakota! Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in the field of marriage therapy, encourages couples to establish what he calls, “rituals of emotional connection.” There are hundreds of possibilities, but in this episode we share with you a quick one that we practice nearly every day. We...

I know we all can come out with some doozies in a rip-roarin’ marital. However, one of the most important rules of fair fighting is: the threat of divorce is never on the table. Divorce: Unjust if In Jest? So this is a short episode because we are on holidays! But we wanted to leave you with a good tidbit to chew over. We’ve noticed a few different folks mentioning that their spouse th...

Consider a couple who has been married twelve years. They are sitting on opposite ends of the same couch on a Sunday afternoon. The kids are at her sister’s. She is folding laundry. He is half-watching something on his phone. Neither of them is unhappy in any acute way. But neither of them has touched the other in days, and the silence in the room is not a peaceful one. It is the silence of...

Sometimes it is just too scary to let someone else make the decisions. Other times the fear of losing someone is so powerful we won’t even let ourselves get close to them. These sound rather extreme but are more common in marriages than we might think. Let’s take a look at what triggers these fears. Again, we want to acknowledge the research and wisdom of Dr. Weeks and Dr. Treat in examining these...

If you’ve ever come up against some really strong feelings – either your own or someone else’s – then you’ve probably felt yourself freaking out a little bit. Going into flight, fight or freeze mode! In Part 2, we talk about the fear of feelings and the fear of anger. Fears of Intimacy As we talked about last week, we all have the fear of intimacy to some degree. Whic...

When you hesitate and find yourself stopping just before sharing something with your spouse, how do you make sense of that? Shouldn’t we be able to share everything with our soul mate?

So, if you’ve been married more than a week, you know there’s a difference between intimacy and sex. You can have either one without the other, but together, it is an incredible experience! What is Fully Engaged Sex? Fully engaged sex is when both spouses are fully present and there is a real sense of connection. It is the difference between just doing it and actually bonding, between having sex a...

We started with the subject of in-laws in Episode 6 and learned that there are some powerful but subtle psychological mechanisms that can come into play in our relationships with our in-laws. The more we are aware of these things and of our own “stuff”, the better equipped we are to maintain a healthy relationship with the new set of parents and siblings that usually come with marriage...

I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “Wow, how did you do that?” “I would tell you”, answered the magician predictably, “but then I’d have to kill you.” After a moment’s pause, the same voice yelled back “Can you tell my mother in law?” In-laws Are Special! Even though it would be impossible to host an episode about in-laws without a little off-th...

We all know that one sure-fire way to get cancer is by smoking cigarettes. What if there was one thing that is cancerous to marriage? Today we’re going to look at one feeling that could destroy your marriage and what we can do to defend ourselves against this. What is this one thing? You might think, “Really? One thing? Marriages break up for a lot of reasons!” Well, Dr. John Gottman has identifie...

Have you ever caught your spouse doing something right? Haha, that’s right: so often we’re quick to get at each other when things don’t go well. It’s pretty easy to get that criticism monkey on your back but really hard to get it off. Today we’re going to work on the skill of expressing appreciation in your marriage. Reason 1: You’ll Enjoy Your Marriage More Showing appreciation goes both ways. A...

Do you ever wonder why your wife just isn’t getting on board with your decisions? Whatever your idea or plan was, it made perfect sense. But your wife isn’t going along with it–and in fact may even be pulling the other direction! This podcast is about one thing we husbands must learn to do well in order to be together as a couple on our decisions. Receiving Influence Receiving Influence is s...

In our Internet world of picture-perfect mommy bloggers, Facebook updates about how cute our toddler’s latest saying was, and family-fun photos on Instagram, there’s a lot of pressure to be the perfect mom. But: what if all the mommy-glamour could become the ruin of your marriage? Today’s episode is about prioritizing marriage over parenting. Should I Focus on My Marriage Or My Kids? The title com...

The Origins of OnlyYouForever: Only You Forever is actually a love song… written by Caleb for Verlynda. It was written on a highway in Montana while we drove into the sunset (insert “happy memories” sigh here) on the way to a family vacation in Yellowstone. The Goal of OnlyYouForever Our taglines state that our purpose is “to build thriving, passionate marriages”.  Just because you mar...