Newbie Star Trek

Cardassians! The most generic title of any Star Trek episode ever? Seriously, what would you guess that this episode would be about from a title like "Cardassians"? If you guessed a child custody battle between a Bajoran stepfather and a Cardassian politican over the politician's biological son combined with a romping adventure with Julian and Garak, then you're a filthy cheater who's already seen...

Gambit, Part II! Now that the jig is up and the show finally admits that Picard is alive, let's get back down to business, which is watching space pirate carry out a Cannon movies-esque super weapon heist while the Enterprise kinda follows long and basketball player James Worthy towers over Worf. Yup. Back to basics.   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new ep...

Invasive Procedures! Man, this guy really wants a worm in him. So much so that he's willing to steal another worm from another lady in order to get that worm in him. Man, what a dummy. I hope Sisko beats the crap out of him, or at least that Sisko beats the crap outta somebody. Come on!   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private N...

Gambit, Part I! Gene Roddenberry wouldn't allow space pirates in Star Trek, but now he's DEAD. It turns out, space pirate stories are a ton of fun and TNG probably should've done it a while ago. So Picard's murdered, Riker has to solve his mystery, he gets captured by Richard Lynch, and Data ends up acting captain, doing the Mr. Burns fingers. Oh and Picard un-dies. Also, Star Wars vibes again! Wo...

The Siege! Not Under Siege, but also kind of like Under Siege? Also kind of like Star Wars! Also, combat rations instead of French onion soup! Boy, there's a lot going on in this episode.   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/cha...

Interface! On the one hand, we have the premise of Geordi being plugged into a new remotely-controlled holographic drone thing that's controlled through a neural interface straight out of Lawnmower Man. Neat. On the other hand, we have the premise of Geordi's mom going missing, leading to an exploration of Geordi's backstory with his family and him trying to reconnect with his mom. Also neat. Are...

The Circle! Will the Circle be unbroken? Well, if Minister Jaro and Vedek Winn get their way, they certainly will! This second-act episode sets up Kira's ejection from DS9, a Bajoran coup, and a potential showdown between the Cardassians' proxy Bajoran army and the Federation. Also, weird sexy dream between Kira and Vedek Bareil? What's goin' on here?!   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon!...

TNG Season 2 Tier List! Tier lists are fun! And TNG season 2 is potentially the most divisive season of Star Trek. From the highs of The Measure of a Man to the abysmal lows of Shades of Gray and everything in-between, join Dan and Marvin as they break down all the stuff they loved about this kooky season and even all the stuff they forgot about!   Become a member of our YouTube channel and get ac...

Liaisons! What if Misery starred Patrick Stewart and was actually kinda lame? Well, that's this episode, I guess. Also, Deanna introduces an entire culture to diabetes, and Worf fights an alien for eleven hours. Typical Star Trek.    We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! You...

The Homecoming! It turns out that the Bajorans also have their own "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance." Nice. Also, the hosts are starting to notice that Kira's kinda cute? Some of us already knew, I guess.   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://w...

Descent, Part II! Data's back! Lore's back! Hugh's back! Beverly's captain! Goalposts keep changing! Too many things are happening at once in one episode! Ah mah gah!   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClYIRsMyLf0G0ES...

Descent! It turns out Data gets really, really horned up when he kills dudes. Huh. Should we be worried about that? Everyone? Oh the Borg are back? Is that related? What's going on? What?   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/cha...

In the Hands of the Prophets! After about half a season of ignoring the issue, we're finally getting to see the ramifications of Kai Opaka disappearing. But who would've thought that a religious political structure could lead to such strife?! And Vedek Winn. Yech. Also, the hosts talk about their favorite episodes and their favorite characters of the show so far!   We have a YouTube Membership and...

Timescape! Boy, the Enterprise sure goes through a lot of timey-wimey stuff, don't they? But what if it was also a time... mystery?! Yeah, that's right, we in there.     We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClYIRsMyLf0G0E...

CONTENT WARNING: There are detailed discussions of war crimes, including r*pe, forced labor, and g**ocide.   Duet! Well, we're finally here. DS9 finally dives into some of the heaviest subject matter of the series, specifically all those war crimes Cardassians committed during their occupation of Bajor. Many fans call this one of the best if not the best episode of the entire series, which is high...

Dramatis Personae! Remember "Lonely Among Us" from TNG? Well, what if that happened to DS9, except it happened to all of the main cast except Odo? That's this episode. Yup.     We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClYIRsM...

Second Chances! The episode that definitively proves that the transporter is just a cloning machine. Don't @ us about this, you can't change the facts with all your nerd science, there's literally two Rikers. Anyway, Deanna wants to bone the other Riker, and the other Riker is really made at the other Riker. Also Picard REALLY needs this database for some reason, surely it doesn't contain incrimin...

Ask a Trek Expert with Sandy Holland! Last April Fool's, we reviewed "Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Parody" at the behest of fans, and it ended up being a surprisingly good watch! A little over a year later, the editor of that parody, Sandy Holland, reached out to us, and we couldn't pass up an interview with her! Spoilers: there's a lot of shop talk about the industry, XXX and otherwise,...

The Forsaken! Who knew that the best part of this episode would be Lwaxana?! Well, I guess it's partially because Odo was with her the whole time, but she was also a genuinely good character this episode. Also, I guess there were some other prissy ambassadors that Julian had to babysit. And I guess some sort of... computer... baby? C'mon guys, what're we doing here    We have a YouTube Membership...

Ask a Trek Expert with Brent Black! We're kicking off a new kind of podcast episode with Brent Black a.k.a. Brentalfloss! Not only does he answer some of our most burning questions about TOS, he's also composed "Khan!!! The Musical!" A Parody TREK-Tacular! Care to take a guess as to what it's about?!    Check out "Khan!!! The Musical!" here: https://khanthemusical.com/   Highlight reel: https://yo...

Rightful Heir! Worf starts to have a crisis of faith about his religion that he's never really cared about before. What are the odds that he'll find the Klingon Jesus, like, right away? This one lead to a bunch of deep dives into religious talk and whatnot, which is par for an episode where Worf meets Klingon Jesus.   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new epi...

Safe House! During the dark period after TNG ended but before the X-Men movies, Patrick Stewart was adrift doing random middling projects. One of these was Safe House. Marvin remembered this movie being a lot funnier than it actually was. But hey, at least we got to see Sir Pat Stew's dong.    Where you can find Patrick Stewart's full frontal: https://youtu.be/N0tUmrI-rB8?si=gsEQcnIbQUl0ZDwb&t=377...

If Wishes Were Horses! What if Rumplestiltskin came to life? What if an old-timey yet still from the future baseball player came to life? What if sexy Jadzia Dax came to life? What if a big space butthole came to life? What if the TNG episode Where No One Has Gone Before came to life but without that pervy Traveler? Well, if these were your wishes, they are horses now.    We have a YouTube Members...

Suspicions! For some reason, Beverly puts together a small conference about starship shield engineering? Uh, and then the experiment goes awry and gets someone killed? And then the original inventor of the new shield dies? Man, what a mess, surely she won't do anything that'll make her look crazier and get her in more trouble.   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access...

Progress! Kira needs to get an old man to leave his farm so they can frack their moon! Also, Nog and Jake turn trade up a proverbial paperclip into a proverbial house! Is this Progress?!   We have a YouTube Membership and a Patreon! Both get you early access to new episodes, access to the private Newbie Star Trek Discord, and a bunch of other perks! YouTube Membership: https://www.youtube.com/chan...