Nearly Coherent

It's been about a year since we forgot to edit last year's New Apple Shit episode, but don't you worry, not only have we returned to give you the Apple Nonsense you crave in your heart, but we also talk about: Colonoscopies! Doctors who suck at doctoring! Scooters with cavernous pouches for holding things! Thousand-dollar handjobs! And SO MUCH MORE And hey, if you're looking for the transcript of...

eD! and Jeff are back after a long period of technical nonsense that caused all sorts of issues with their recap of the Apple event, some basic human maintenance that eD!'s been engaging in that has made him feel less like a gnarled old man, details on where they've been all this time, and their newfound quest for whimsy! Also, as a side note, eD! owes dbrand an apology -- he thinks that his AirPo...

eD! and Jeff are back to talk about a wide assortment of topics, including chocolate bars, language-learning apps, and sunflower seeds! And, y'know, all the stuff from the "Far Out" Apple event that happened on Wednesday. You knew that already, though, since, like, when do we not talk about the bazillions of dollars we just hand our pals in Cupertino?

eD! and Jeff discuss all the happenings at WWDC, beguiling TikTok videos, the horrors of exercise, and Bluetooth-enabled water bottles! Also they talk about where they've been for four months and, spoiler, it's none of your business, jackass . But, as an apology, here's a DALL·E image of a hamster making it rain, which should make things better for everyone:

eD! and Jeff stick to their new every-other-week schedule like the extremely dedicated heroes they are to discuss only the hottest topics of the day , even though that day was a few weeks ago! You want example topics? Put on some socks, 'cause we're about to knock your goofy ass outta 'em! The newest cast memeber for "Fast 10", and eD!'s dream casting for Vin Diesel's non-John Cena brother! Jeff's...

eD! and Jeff get back together like a sexy podcasting Voltron to discuss the horrors of feet, the glory of the "Weird Al" biopic, the ongoing nightmare that is the threat of COVID Dick, the heartbreak of heroes lost, the excitement of new sportsball heroes, and memories from decades gone by of a dude who should have been wearing a lot more on the beach! Also, no Dave this episode, so this is a per...

eD! and Jeff talk about Thanksgiving food preferences, feelings on parades, weird eyebrows, eD!’s teeth, and all sorts of other crap! Listen to this instead of the crazed rantings of your uncle that’s on Facebook too frequently, it’ll be way better.

eD! and Jeff discuss all the happenings at the September Apple Event ! And also Niki Minaj’s cousin’s balls. Yeah, it’s a weird one.

eD! and Jeff discuss disgraced governors, how to piss off jackasses in a 7-Eleven parking lot, and eD! regales you with the saga of Super Hero, his favorite deli in the universe! Also, we spend like 15 minutes straight talking about a really good egg sandwich, so maybe you should have one of them before you listen to this episode, or else you'll be sitting there all, "Damn, I shoulda had that egg...

eD! and Jeff discuss eD!'s super-weird vacation, Jeff's achievement of hitting peak Dad-ness, podcast listening habits, stank-ass celebrities, respond to some listener email! You can listen to the episode where eD!'s eye was last a funky weirdo, Villain Meeting, here. You can also see the dope Zoom Freak 2 shoes eD!'s Dad got by clicking here. And you can take your shitty opinions on "Joker" right...

eD! and Jeff discuss the Feast of St. Rocco, new shows they’re watching, how streaming has broken Jeff’s poor brain, and the majesty of The Waffle House! By the way, we know it’s taken a while for new episodes to come out, but if your podcast playing app ever shows you this shit? It’s a lie . This podcast will be finished when either eD! and/or Jeff are DEAD (especially if eD! dies because Jeff do...

eD! and Jeff discuss the new Apple MagSafe Battery Pack Thing, other portable battery packs, “Black Widow”, “Luca”, returning to movie theaters, and answer some reader mail! If you, too, would like us to answer your questions in an episode, feel free to submit them through our contact form here .

eD! and Jeff discuss fitness goals, how much eD! loves his new iPads Pro, acceptance of comfort, and new drinks that eD! just found out about while recording this episode! Also: eD!’s local Crossfit was replaced with a new business that will fill your heart with delight.

eD! and Jeff discuss stupid work cliches, Apple’s lossless music plans, weird-ass dreams, and the return of the single greatest food mascot in the history of food mascots, and the history of why he wasn't around for a while! If you, too, want to read the article eD! references from The Washington Post about the return of The Noid, it’s right here, you goobers.

eD! and Jeff discuss all the goings-on from the WWDC keynote last week, reverse tramp-stamps, eD!’s history with cars, and dumb fitness routines! Also, eD! mentioned that you could find information on the brouhaha with his email service, HEY, at The Verge , but we all know you’re not going to look it up yourself, so you can just click that link to get to it. You’re welcome, you lazy jerks!

eD! and Jeff discuss beard coloring, a shared hatred of a beloved movie musical, and dad stereotypes! Also, eD!’s been to a real weird supermarket, extremely dangerous meatloaf, Jeff loves some hard seltzer, and delight at our new hobby, corrupting the children of Canada!

eD!, Jeff, and Dave discuss bullshit holidays, a new theme for Dave’s News Corner, and the latest installment of Tales of the In-Laws, “The Day The Lights Went Out”! This is also a continuation from Cucumbers on the Moon , so for those of you who messaged me to say Jeff’s joke at the end of that episode wasn’t good enough to end on, now you get why I did it, Sandy .

eD! and Jeff talk about Jeff’s new computer, and, in honor of Dave’s completion of another lap around the sun, regale you once again with the story of Dave’s 21st birthday! Also this episode was recorded before Prince Philip died, so our jokes about how terrible he looked are only somewhat tasteless, not completely tasteless, which is a fun change of pace for us.

eD!, Jeff, and Dave discuss how many iPhone chargers is too many, Jeff and Dave’s experience getting the COVID-19 vaccine, and pillows made for giant-ass heads! We also talk about that U2 album that no one wanted that Apple gave us all, because y'boys do not let shit go!

eD! and Jeff talk about all the going's on at Apple's Spring Loaded event, and gadzooks they're gonna spend so much money . They also talk about Jeff's 3-year-old's first outing with her kickball league and Jeff's 3rd grader playing lacrosse, but let's be honest, you're really here for the Apple stuff, but whatever we have lives outside of shiny new crap, too! (Well, Jeff does. eD!, not so much.)

In A Christmas Moose , eD! mentioned that he had a few episodes that he had yet to finish editing from the end of 2020 that he would finish up and release "soon". But, if 2020 showed us anything, it's that time has no meaning, so "soon" can be whenever we want it to be and, in this case, it's now ! A list of some of the hot and still very topical subjects discussed: Presidential debates! Consideri...

Jeff has binged a new show that he's ashamed of! Cyclists being assaulted by nature! Tales of the In-Laws! And a discussion on how no one should give a damn about Potato Heads, there's more important shit going on if you didn't notice! We also talk about breakthroughs in Reese's Peanut Butter Cup technology, cookie considerations, awkward Google searches eD! is not going to do, and Dave's life is...

eD!, Jeff, and Dave discuss their shared love of the rom-coms on Netflix and The Hallmark Channel, Dave shares a Tale of The In-Laws, eD! and Jeff listen to a Dave's News Corner about illegal lunch meat, and all agree that olive loaf is weird ! Also, eD! finally watched "Ted Lasso" and makes Jeff wait until the end of the episode to talk about it because, let's be honest, occasionally eD! is a com...

eD! and Jeff are joined by the newly-married Dave and Lisa to discuss their wedding, their honeymoon, Dave's incredible dance moves, manicures and pedicures, and other horrors that the mind can barely comprehend!

Right when this podcast got started, Dave, our producer and all-around dumb dumpster-fire of a friend, met Lisa, a woman whose only fault is that she decided to continue to date Dave this whole time , despite that she could do way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay better. In 2019, Dave finally got his shit together and decided to ask Lisa to marry him . Despite our continued warnings about what sort of a terrib...