My Unlived Life

Leslie and Miriam discuss what Leslie's life might have looked like if on a trip to Las Vegas she hadn’t married the man who became her husband and, ultimately father of her daughter, and instead had returned home to New York un-hitched. Along the way they talk about having a complicated relationship with uncertainty, how underlining in books is a love language, and writing at truck-stops at 2am....

Karen and Miriam discusss what Karen's life might have been like if she’d returned to her native US after what was supposed to be a short trip to London, instead of staying put and building her life there. Along the way they talk about the weight of cultural norms & expectation, what it means to live far from family, and how painting and writing can help locate us, wherever we are. Karen Raney...

Vanessa speaks to Miriam about what her life might have looked like if she hadn’t gotten married at the age of 30 and moved with her husband to Lagos - the setting of her incredible novel - and had instead moved to LA to pursue a dream of screenwriting. Along the way they discuss the way place can change you; ways to change your life, step by tiny step; and how the women of Selling Sunset manage t...

In this episode, recorded live at the Margate Bookie Literary Festival, Karrie and Miriam go right back to the beginning and discuss what might have happened if she’d been born a boy instead of a girl. Along the way they try to examine our own gender biases, talk about whether it’s easier for men to take up space in the world, and also whether it’s easier for women to express themselves creatively...

Joanna and Miriam discuss what her life might have looked like if she’d studied and then pursued a career in dance, as opposed to following what she considered to be a more traditional, intellectual route for her education. Along the way they talk about the intelligence of the body, gendered attitudes to both success and competition, and the romantic dalliances of Sylvia Plath and Simone de Beauvo...

Andy and Miriam discuss what might have happened if his father - who was incarcerated when Andy was 12 - had in fact not gone to prison, and stayed in his life throughout his teenage years. Along the way they talk about what it means to break intergenerational cycles, the fine line between our lives and those of others, male friendship and a little something called positive catastrophising. ...

Dr Jandel Allen-Davis and Miriam discuss what might have happened if, only a few years ago, she’d walked away from her highly successful career to pursue her art full time. Along the way they talk about what it means to risk it all for your passions, the difference between seeing and looking, and whether it’s always necessary to pick a lane. Jandel is also a wildly prolific artist, and so they tal...

Jackie and Miriam discuss what might have happened if Jackie had learned to play the violin as a teenager, and used her skills to busk as a traveling storyteller across Spain, Africa, Mongolia and beyond. Along the way they discuss what it takes to become an artist, the joys and perils of traveling alone and how learning languages is a lot like inhabiting other lives. Jackie also encounters a lot...

Alice and Miriam discuss what might have happened if she hadn’t accepted a job offer in Poland in her twenties, and had stayed living and working in London instead. Along the way they talk about the perspective you get from travel, how to step back and examine the system you're living in and the pros and cons of mainstream publishing. Alice also has a very scandalous home counties affair. Alice Jo...

*LIVE EPISODE* Lawyer and author Hafsa Zayyan and Miriam discuss what might have happened if she’d stood up to her parents at the age of 16, and insisted on attending her local school with all of her friends, as opposed to the exclusive grammar school two hours from home where she ultimately went. Along the way they talk about the friends we lose and the friends we keep, the weight of parental exp...

The poet Maggie Smith and Miriam discuss what might have happened if she’d left her native Ohio to go to graduate school in Tucson, and thus also left the man who ultimately became her husband. Along the way they discuss the impossible questions one gets asked in the aftermath of divorce; how writing your trauma can help you through, though not necessarily in the way you might think, and ways to f...

Maxine and Miriam discuss what might have happened if she had followed her heart and studied English Literature at university, as opposed to following a path which she said allowed her to stay a bit more hidden. Along the way they talk about the unrealistic and damaging pressure society puts on mothers, why we tend to want people to be just one thing, and how, in her words, communities can put the...

Tom and Miriam discuss what might have happened if, at the age of 17, he’d come out to his parents when an opportunity unexpectedly presented itself at a school picnic, instead of waiting until the age of 23 to tell them his truth. Along the way they talk about full moon parties in Thailand, the impact of hiding your identity at a formative age and how often others can see you more clearly than yo...

Caro and Miriam talk about what might have happened if she had attended a traditional university as opposed to going to drama school, which she describes as an 'intense and edgy place'. Along the way they discuss being two opposing things at once, the impossibility of actually having it all, and how tricky it is to find a good harp. Caro Giles is a writer based in Northumberland, whose words are i...

Sophia and Miriam discuss what her life would have been like if she’d received an offer to work as assistant private secretary to the Queen, a job she was asked to apply for but which ultimately went to someone a bit older. Along the way they discuss what one wears to an interview at the palace, the bravery of female artists, the liberation that comes on the other side of the menopause and some ve...

Journalist & writer Emma Hughes and Miriam what might have happened if, after going through a rigorous application process, she’d received and taken an offer to work at M!5. Along the way they discuss the things we learn as we get older, the way society privileges certain types of intelligence and whether or not we need to be a bit more serious. Emma Hughes is a London-based freelance writer a...

Davina and Miriam discuss the moment in her life when her father was diagnosed with lung cancer, a moment that is central to her book. She and her husband were living with her parents at the time, and while she continued to be very involved in her father’s care, she chose to move out of the house in his final months, one of several moves that would take her away from suburban London and deeper int...

Helen and Miriam explore what might have happened if - at the age of 26 - she’d not moved from Australia to the UK with the man who became her husband (and who she ultimately divorced). Along the way they discuss finding joy after divorce, the wounds left by infidelity and the lifesaving magic of really good girlfriends. Helen Thorn is an award-winning comedian, podcaster and author widely known f...

John and Miriam discuss what might have happened if he’d followed in his parents’ footsteps and run his own restaurant instead of pursuing a career in physical therapy, before he began writing. Along the way they discuss how waiting tables increases empathy, the ethics of combat sports, and why restaurants are an excellent training ground for authors. John Vercher is a writer on race, identity and...

A.M. and Miriam discuss what would have happened if, during high school, a particular mentor had encouraged her to study medicine, and she’d gone on to become a doctor. Along the way they discuss the AIDS epidemic, being penpals with Pete Townshend and the importance of being truly seen, both within medicine and in life. A.M. Homes is the author of the novels May We Be Forgiven , which won th...

Miriam and Miki discuss what would have happened if as a child, when her mother and stepfather moved to Los Angeles, she had moved with them as opposed to staying in London with her father. Along the way they discuss music, making friends on the peripheries, growing up between two homes and why being a little wishy washy can be a superpower. TW: Emotional and sexual abuse Miki is a singer, songwri...

Kamila and Miriam discuss what would have happened if, after graduating from university, she had not been able to attend her creative writing MFA in Massachusetts, and therefore returned home to Karachi instead of staying in America, where she met her then agent and now longtime editor Alexandra Pringle. Along the way they discuss the destructive nature of guilt, the implications of early setbacks...

Lisa and Miriam discuss what her life might have looked like if, when in her twenties, she’d listened to her instinct and not accepted a second date with a man who she didn’t really fancy, a man who went on to control almost every aspect of her life for the next five years. Along the way they discuss the positive and negative effect of peer expectations and how easily women override their intuitio...

Travis and Miriam discuss what their life might have looked like if they had finished university instead of walking out of their exams. Along the way, the two talk about the cultural obsession with certainty, the importance of geography when forming communities and the sex appeal of really bad shoes. Travis Alabanza is an award-winning writer, performer and theatre maker. After being the youngest...

Miriam and Chris discuss what his life might have looked like if he hadn’t been fired from the animation studio where he worked at the start of his career, and therefore not been forced into trying to make his way as a professional illustrator. Along the way they discuss the history of animation, how editing is good practice for children’s storytelling, and what it takes to carve your own path. Ch...