My Messy Little Life Podcast

In this episode I talk about how I usually get anxious during summer and other long breaks from school, how I do not like crying in front of people and how fifth grade was when my son really started to shine. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I had my worst migraine attack yet, how I used to keep myself busy to avoid thoughts and feelings and how I blame toxic productivity culture for not knowing how to rest. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how people are mostly not okay right now, how there was a time that I was triggered by everything and how I’m trying to get better about asking for and accepting help. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlife.com.

In this episode I talk about how the idea of a partner sounds nice but the production of looking for one sounds hideous, how I worry that in a relationship I will lose myself again and how I’ve already survived the worst heartbreak of all. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how with hormone imbalance I have experienced low grade depression, how I got up the courage to rejoin the gym and how I no longer see crying as a setback or failure or an overreaction to grief. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how the logistics of an event are way more anxiety inducing then the event itself, how once you decide to hold onto a thought that is all your brain is going to allow you to see and how I gained a whole new perspective after my husband died. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how when my husband died I broke all the rules, how I just do what I can to show my son love and how the part of parenting I struggle with the most is letting him fail. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I still get nervous when talking to new people who don’t already know my husband died, how my real healing began when I started loving myself and how I feel like I’m at the mercy of my hormones. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I decided to start my own podcast, how I’ve often wondered if consistently talking about my husband keeps grief in the forefront of my mind and is keeping me from moving forward in some way and how I thought this would be a good place to pause and come up for air and decide what I want the podcast to look like going forward. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlel...

In this episode I talk about how the most challenging job I’ve ever had has been parenting, how when my son started grieving he needed everything I had in me to help him through it and how it’s my job to make sure this human being will be ready for the world someday. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I don’t like change and don’t adjust well to new things, how I can always tell when my emotions are getting away from me when I don’t even realize I’m having them and how I’ve learned that the need for control is about feeling safe. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how the resistance I have to facing big feelings is the fear that I won’t be able to handle it, how it’s so easy to focus on failures that victories get glossed over and how in an art therapy session my son said to me, “I love you because you can do anything.”

In this episode I talk about how Christmas morning was my end game and I never thought past that point, how I spend so much of my time trying to just get through things and how I decided that I want to focus on being more present.

In this episode I talk about how after I found out my husband died I would ruminate on all the things I should have done, how I found out something I can never unknow or undo or forget and how I learned that forgiveness was something I could do for myself.

In this episode I talk about how I always know when I’m ready to do something big and daring and bold when the thought of it puts a huge smile on my face and makes me want to throw up at the same time, how after my husband died my “what if” ideas were replaced with “what if” thought spirals and how the only weapons I’ve found to be effective against panicked thoughts are logic and love. You can fo...

In this episode I talk about how I don’t always understand why I feel the way I do, how I spent my entire life not feeling my feelings and how unconditionally loving myself means showing myself compassion no matter what judgements or doubts I may have about myself and accepting whatever flaws I think I may have. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I grew up in a society that saw self-confidence as bitchiness and self love as arrogance, how hearing myself talk about my experiences changed my relationship with myself and how whenever I’m being unkind to myself I try to figure out how I can show myself love. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how when my husband died people seemed to have an awful lot of advice, how there are no perfect words to say in grief and how it helped me to have a safe place to be honest and to have people that would sit with me and just be. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I used to be a grinch around the holidays, how I felt guilty for not doing something special on the anniversary of my husband’s death in the past and how I decided to start a new tradition by inviting my son to a Remembrance Event in honor of Daddy. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how when I use terms like hot mess to describe myself it makes me feel awful, how I’ve learned that we tell ourselves stories and I’ve been telling mine for years and how I have my shit together way more than I give myself credit for. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how sadness is fairly new for me in this journey, how anger is a disguise for what is hiding below the surface and how it took losing my husband to learn how to love myself and figure out who I am. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how I was conditioned to be good and to behave and to not ask for too much, how I recognize that people pleasing was a way to cope in the past that isn’t serving me anymore and how I’m tired of saying yes when I desperately want to say no.

In this episode I talk about how the gravity of being solely responsible for my son hit me hard, how there is nobody walking through my door at the end of the day to rescue me and how I can’t be my son’s dad but I can be the best mom I know how to be.

In this episode I talk about how I started having random pain and other symptoms after my husband died, how maybe it’s safer to play small and stay with what’s familiar instead of risking more loss and how I am safe and no longer need to live in fear. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.

In this episode I talk about how my son’s grief started showing up as rage and frustration and tears, how I worried that because my husband died by suicide my son might do the same and how replacing my anger and worry and fear with empathy allowed me to parent from a much more loving place. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.