Mr. Nice Guy & the Broken Wife | Navigating Love and Intimacy After Past Abuse

One of my biggest fears as a young mom was that one day my children might find themselves in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. For years, that fear shaped how I parented. Over time, I realized something important: I can't control who my children will love or the challenges they'll face. What I can do is teach them the relationship skills that healthy love requires. In this episode, I'm sharing...

If you feel like you're having the same argument with your spouse over and over again, this episode may change the way you see your relationship. For years, I believed that if I could communicate more clearly, my marriage would finally change. But one idea from relationship therapist David Schnarch completely shifted my perspective: the two-choice dilemma . In this episode, I'm unpacking what that...

Have you ever become painfully aware of a pattern you want to change only to find yourself repeating it anyway? In this episode, I'm exploring Stephen Covey's concept of the transition person : the person who changes the trajectory of their family by refusing to pass harmful patterns on to the next generation. But becoming that person requires more than awareness. It requires action. I talk about...

After healing from an abusive relationship and doing years of personal work, I realized something surprising: knowing what isn't healthy doesn't automatically teach you what is . In this episode, I'm breaking down the difference between abusive relationships, unhealthy relationship patterns, and truly healthy, collaborative relationships. I'll share the lessons Brent and I had to learn the hard wa...

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship, parenting decision, or mistake and thought, What was I thinking? In this episode, I'm talking about self-forgiveness , healing from shame , and why so many survivors use past mistakes as evidence against themselves. I share my own struggle with carrying shame after an abusive relationship, the powerful lesson that helped me stop judging my younger...

What if healing isn't compliance... but it isn't defiance either? Many survivors spend years people-asing, staying small, and keeping the peace. Then, as they heal, they swing to the opposite extreme—resisting anything that feels like pressure or control. In this episode, I'm exploring why neither compliance nor defiance is true freedom, and how healing is really about developing agency: the abili...

Why are women statistically more likely to end up in abusive relationships? And why do so many survivors continue struggling even after they’ve found a safe, loving partner? In this episode, I unpack the deeper relational patterns beneath abuse — not from a place of blame, but from a place of awareness and healing. I talk about how men and women are often socialized differently around connection,...

If you trust your partner but still shut down, avoid sex, or feel disconnected during intimacy, this episode will help you understand why. I’m breaking down what’s actually happening when your body responds to sex as if it’s unsafe, even in a loving, secure relationship. This isn’t random, and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. We’ll talk about how past sexual trauma shapes your bel...

If you’ve ever thought, “I know something needs to change… but I don’t know how without making things worse,” this episode is for you. In this conversation, Brent and I talk about why it feels so difficult to break patterns in your marriage, even when you can clearly see they’re not working. I share what it actually looked like to start changing my own behavior without any guarantee that Brent wou...

What happens when sex stops being about desire and starts becoming about obligation? In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most common dynamics I see in marriages: one partner feeling responsible for sex, while the other feels dependent on it for connection, reassurance, or validation. On the surface, it can look loving. But underneath, it creates pressure, resentment, emotional management, an...

Forgiving your parents can feel like the one thing you just can’t do, especially when the pain is real and justified. In this episode, I’m sharing the shift that changed everything for me. For years, I stayed stuck in blame. It helped me make sense of my past… but it also kept me tied to it. And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough. This conversation isn’t about excusing what happened or dis...

If you’ve ever been called out by your partner and instantly felt the urge to shut down, defend yourself, or spiral into self-criticism—this episode will help you understand why. Because the issue usually isn’t a lack of self-awareness. It’s what happens after you see it. In this episode, I’m breaking down the connection between self-compassion, accountability, and the patterns that show up in you...

In this episode, Brent joins me as we unpack a dynamic that quietly erodes so many marriages: using love as a reward. For years, we were stuck in a painful cycle—one of us trying to earn love, the other withholding it. The more we pushed, the more disconnected we became. Resentment built. Criticism increased. Withdrawal followed. And neither of us felt seen, valued, or understood. What finally cha...

If you’re a survivor of abuse trying to rebuild your life or your marriage, you’ve probably turned to self-help hoping something would finally click. I know I did. For years, I read book after book thinking I had found the missing piece, only to close it and find myself stuck in the same patterns. In this episode, I’m sharing five books that genuinely changed how I see myself, my marriage, and wha...

In this episode, I’m sharing a recent shift in my healing from sexual abuse and how it’s been showing up in my marriage. After years of progress, intimacy started feeling difficult again. Not because my partner isn’t safe, but because I was overriding self-trust in the name of progress. We talk about: Why intimacy can still feel triggering in a healthy relationship How to recognize the difference...

If you’ve ever thought, “Why does everything my partner says trigger me?” this episode will give you a completely different lens on what’s actually happening. In marriage, most conflict isn’t really about the surface issue. It’s about how each person is relating to themselves. When your sense of self is tied to how your partner responds to you, reactivity takes over. You either push harder—trying...

Many of us grow up believing love is something we earn . If we behave the right way, meet expectations, and avoid disappointing people, we receive love. When we fall short, that love disappears. But that belief quietly creates resentment in relationships . In this episode, I talk about the shift that changed how I show up in my marriage. For years I tried to make people feel loved —by sacrificing,...

What if the real reason you keep having the same fight isn’t the topic… but the role you automatically slip into? In part two of this conversation, Brent and I unpack the exact pattern that kept our conflict on repeat— pressure vs. people-pleasing —and the two skills that finally helped us change it: curiosity and courage . We talk about Terry Real’s idea of practicing the opposite of your default...

Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it can either build trust or slowly drain the relationship. In this episode, Brent and I are sharing what conflict looked like over 12 years together… and the patterns that didn’t work: peacekeeping that turned into resentment, arguing to win, shutting down, and trying to “hold space” in a way that left one of us voiceless. We talk about:...

The thing that frustrates you most about your partner? You may be unintentionally reinforcing it. In this episode, I’m breaking down the criticism–withdrawal cycle that keeps so many couples stuck. The more one partner pushes for what they want, the more the other pulls away, and both end up feeling like the victim. I share what this looked like in my marriage with Brent, the insight that shifted...

If conflict makes you shut down, apologize quickly, or question yourself, this isn’t insecurity. It’s survival. In this episode, I’m breaking down the tension between attachment and authenticity, and how childhood adaptations can quietly shape your marriage today. What helped you survive years ago may now be keeping you disconnected from yourself and from your partner. We’ll talk about people-plea...

How do you change a long-standing pattern in your marriage without just giving in to keep the peace? How do you stay true to yourself and stay connected, especially when conflict is high? Last week, I shared why setting clear expectations often backfires and creates more resentment than resolution. This week, Brent joins me to bring that concept to life with a real story from our own marriage. We...

What if your “clear expectations” are actually creating distance in your marriage? In this episode, I unpack the subtle but powerful shift that happens when expressing a desire turns into demanding agreement, and how this dynamic often stems from deeper wounds, especially for survivors of abuse. You’ll hear how I navigated this in my own relationship with Brent, why healthy disagreement matters, a...

What happens when one partner carries sexual trauma into a marriage and the other feels guilty for wanting sex at all? In this honest, deeply personal episode, Brent joins me to talk about what it was like being the higher desire partner when sex still felt unsafe for me. We share what helped, what didn't, and how important it was that we both stopped masking what we were experiencing in our sexua...

For years, I believed I was broken because I was the wife who wanted nothing to do with sex. In this episode, we explore what it really means to be the lower desire partner in a relationship... and why it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. I talk about the dynamics of mismatched sexual desire and the emotional toll it can take on both partners in very different ways. I’ll also walk you throu...