Movie Mastery

The romantic comedy that lets women know that you can finally find love as long as you are willing to leave your job, friends, and family behind in order to be with a man you’ve known for less than a week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not to be confused with Star Wars: The Cone Wars the TV show. Or Star Wars: Clone Wars the TV show. Or Star Wars: The Clone Wars the video game. This one had a theatrical release that nobody cared about! And we definitely watched it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/03/movie-mastery-spawn.mp3 Back in the 90’s when comics were gritty and the CGI was absolutely terrible, somebody greenlit a movie that’s 85% narration and 15% incredibly poorly done fight scenes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/03/movie-mastery-on-deady-ground.mp3 We’ve talking about Steven Seagal several times on the podcast before but this is the first time we get to finally sit down and sink our teeth into one of his movies. With a star-studded cast and definitely, for sure not sure Asians playing Native Americans; On Deadly Ground really makes you realize why Seagal beca...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/movie-mastery-circle-of-iron.mp3 Inspired by a script from legendary martial artist Bruce Lee, comes Circle of Iron. A movie where a whiny, asshole white guy has people attempt to teach him Zen lessons but he learns nothing and remains the worst. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/movie-mastery-tango-and-cash.mp3 A movie that both of us had heard of but neither of us knew anything about. This film walks the delicate line of being a loving example of its genre and being a complete parody. Also, it gets a sprinkling of Heavy Business! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/01/movie-mastery-ready-player-one.mp3 If you love pop-culture references to things from the 80’s and early 90’s and also nothing else, then this is the adaptation you’ve been waiting for. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/01/movie-mastery-hardcore-henry.mp3 We find out if a single gimmick stretched out over an hour and a half can in some way improve upon the action movie genre. Also, Sharlto Copley gets a lot of love in this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/12/movie-mastery-eragon.mp3   When all the young adult novels were fighting to see who would come out on top, Eragon set itself apart by being written by a teen itself. A teen that had apparently very recently watched Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. Then they made a movie. Sort of. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/11/movie-mastery-cherry-2000.mp3 In a future dystopia where relationships are no more than business contracts, one man has the romantic passion to fall in love with his sex robot. Now he has to head away from future city, to Western Town to pick up a tracker before driving into Post Apocalypse Desert and, hey, Melanie Griffith is here. Learn more abou...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/10/movie-mastery-bad-hair.mp3 A Horrortoberfest special with guest star Chanel from the Arms of the Tide podcast. Thankfully the episode isn’t just two white dudes talking about a very specifically Black woman issue turned into horror movie,. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/10/movie-mastery-deadcon.mp3 You ever wonder what would happen if the internet was haunted and social media was out to get you? Me too. Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t do that and instead is just a haunted hotel room at VidCon. Spooooooky. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/10/movie-mastery-the-whispering-man.mp3 Welcome to Day 1 of Horrortoberfest 2020, the year that’s already scary enough that doing this is actually a relief. Get ready for a big heaping helping of nothing as this found footage film tries to scare you with the sound of a guy not able to catch his breath. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/09/movie-mastery-the-shaggy-d.a.-1976.mp3 The sequel to the movie that came out almost 20 years before this because “Hollywood has run out of ideas” is nothing new. Whacky hijinks abound in this comedy with a very strangely dark turn towards the end,. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/09/movie-mastery-the-punisher-1989.mp3 At the same time that Batman was set to make his dark entrance onto the big screen; Marvel was looking to put up their own brooding man with no super powers. But this movie has an R rating so you know it fucks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/movie-mastery-nick-fury-1998.mp3 Before Samuel L. Jackson came along and made the character into the badass we know today; David Hasselhoff made the character into a weird Boomer Dad fantasy featuring some truly atrocious acting and directing choices. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/movie-mastery-hulk-2003.mp3 Before Ruffalo. Before Norton. After Ferrigno. There was Bana. In the role he was hired to play: A very boring scientist that turns into Shrek and fights his dad who is also a cloud now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/movie-mastery-existenz.mp3 Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Total Recall and The Matrix got all Cronenberged up? Here it is but it’s kind of strange you were wondering that at all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/movie-mastery-america-3000.mp3 Neggy more must you wait for us to scan this hot plastic movie. It’s a new tomorrow and we are here to guide all you plugots and frals to a new comb. Words! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/movie-mastery-monsturd.mp3 I’ll spare you a description riddled with poop jokes since that’s pretty much all going to happen in the podcast. It’s a low budget horror movie about a poop monster, there’s not a lot else to say. For bonus TV Mastery content, head over to https://www.patreon.com/posts/38619168 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit meg...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/movie-mastery-knights-of-badassdom.mp3   You might think that a movie like this is going to cater to our specific interests. The truth is that it is mostly laughing at nerds instead of with nerds. And that’s our job, so back off. Also be sure to check out our new bonus content over at our Patreon page here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit me...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/movie-mastery-bmx-bandits.mp3   It’s the 80’s in Australia and there is nothing cooler than riding BMX bikes, stealing shit you find that is obviously someone else’s, and having the worst imaginable hair. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/movie-mastery-clockstoppers-2002.mp3 Go back in time with us and see the pure distillation of early 2000’s culture into a single movie. This one checks all the boxes of what a movie aimed at kids would have and also gets to drag around poor French Stewart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-cool-as-ice-1991-1.mp3 Like most other movies starring a celebrity that isn’t an actor, this is mostly just a vanity project that has no redeeming aspects. Plus, as a romantic(?) comedy(?), the main character gets to be a super creepy asshole and the love interest thinks it’s endearing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphon...

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-descendants-2015.mp3 Over a year ago I was at a Baskin-Robbins with Jef when I saw a cake theme in their book of birthday cake options that was apparently themed around Disney villain children going to high school together. This confounded me and now I can say that seeing it is no less baffling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit...