Monsters in the Morning

Legend has it that the one known only as “The Keeper” shall inherit the cans. And as it has been foretold The Keeper shall: “Salvage, store, and keep safe” thy bounties. Today, tomorrow, and until thou is called upon to “return they from hence they came”. Until authorized: “thy Keeper shall continue to keep, even as thy spoils spoil, seals become unsealed and what was once liquid turns to hardened...

Happy Halloween Everyone! Seriously we hope you are smiling throughout the day. Really smiling and beaming with joy. Glowing really! We know that can be hard. So to help you celebrate this most celebrated and enjoyed of the holiday celebrations of fun-fun we a MITM pulled all our available funds to present to you a VERY SPECIAL episode chock full fo SPECIAL GUESTS. We hope you enjoy! Heck, special...

Most doctors agree that your health is very important. Of course you can disagree, however, it’s hard to doubt the very notion when looking at the raw data and examining the fresh numbers that believe it or not you health IS a major factor when determining if your body is in good working order. It can be surprising and a tough pill to swallow and the choice is yours to use such information to bene...

Mike and Charley are back bringing you all kinds of shit for you to listen to. Put your ear near the speaker and let the crap envelop your concha while leaving a fresh coat of audio feces all over your large bowl shaped helix. Yep it’s a shit show for the ages, with plenty of burning, blasting, loud, and painful tones ready and waiting to be dumped all over your face and or neck. Beware, you’ve be...

‘Twas once a time when we had the time to sit. We’d sit on a wooden chair and gaze longingly out our kitchen window. We’d sit on an old bucket and sing in 3 part harmony with our fellow neighbors. Yes, we would sit and stare and stare sit, and sit in shit and shit and sit. It truly was a beautiful era and a time we so desperately lack today. So take a moment today and sit, listen and watch. Heck y...

Feces. For decades scientists have been trying to duplicate the subtle textures, scents, and overall durability of one of the worlds’ most plentiful organic substances. However, such a feat has illuded some of this century’s most brilliant minds, as failure after failure had rendered the process near impossible. That all changed with the development of Synthetic Shit . The worlds first 100% Synthe...

Today on the Building Fence podcast “ Where We Bridge the Gap ”. Ben speaks with Rodney Curtin, Cambridge neuroscience expert and leading scholar on sustainable energy. Rodney is also a leading thinker and notable entity on all things AI, computer interfaces and Mediterranean cuisine. Today’s discussion includes: AI, the significance of Beluga Whales, LLCs, MBAs, the NBA, VBI and P.I.G, Existentia...

Tackling the hard questions of the day while providing in debt quasi answers within a meandering complex labyrinth of words and guttural toots. Monsters in the Morning: After Dark is an open source, free wisdom, public service given to the world as a gift by Manic Mike and Touchdown Charley. Any and all donations are welcomed and celebrated.

To live in Pompeii was to live a life of happiness, joy, fruit, seawater, rocks, sand, sex, milk, mush… but also fear. For those in Pompeii knew there was an evil lurking in the sky, towering above them, waiting to spew its hot and juicy inner core all over the place. Twas only a matter of time till the grand “Party in Pompeii” would come to an end… for good.

One day it just hit me. I got up on a cool September morning, gazed upon the dewy grass, and knew right there and then that I belonged on a stage. Have I ever performed? No. Did I have any talent? No. Had I ever expressed in any way some sort of sign or signal, either verbal or nonverbal, to my loved ones, or even to myself, that I had an urge to entertain? No. Was I scared? Yes. Was I nude? Yes....

Just like the old saying goes: “March comes in like a lion, and out… like a… lion?” How true it is. How true it really is... But luckily as the cold wind turns to a quiet breeze, as the frost on our doorknob transforms from a chilly handshake to a dewing hello, we rejoice in the transformation of not only the season but of ourselves. Alas, rise up and rejuvenate in the warm glow of the sun - Ita V...

Traditions come and traditions go. But those that last the test of time are special, precious, sacred…important. We hold these traditions close, we hug them and love them and look forward to their perennial arrival with much anticipation and glee. So it’s only natural to celebrate these traditions throughly and intensely. It’s what makes them so much fun! So overdo it, indulge, and fill your body...

Its a dog eat dog world out there. Everywhere you go someones trying to strap a short lease on you and strangle your emotions. Leading your ass along as they watch you urinate in the nude. Real nasty like that. Yelling every time you happen to bark at a car or the door bell. Lambasting you for eating out of your trash can or enjoying the taste of your own shit. Rubbing your under belly like your s...

‘Tis a busy time to be a sports fan, and an even busier time to be a sports fanatic! So many sports to choose from, yet so little time to watch each and every match one wishes they could… What to do…? Well for starters you may need to reevaluate how you spend you time. If you spend most of your time at work earning a good wage to support your family, however, in doing so your missing the big games...

When the winter air begins to nip, Heres a quick style tip. Toss out your puffy coat and your long johns too, And embrace the world with a fashion so old that it’s new. So what is this new and exciting mode that we speak? It’s nothing more that a simple sweater tweak. Tighten the neck and add elastic to the wrist, You see it’s still a sweater but heres the twist. You ditch the hood attached to you...

If you like salt and love yourself some soda then you’ll have a grad time tuning into our resident salty-soda heads: The Salt ‘N Soda Boyz featuring: John Salt and Dan Soda. Sit back, recline, and relax as these world class soda-sippers fill your bucket to the brim if all the bubbly salty liquid your big bloated belly can handle. Life can get pretty salty sometimes, rest assured as the soda stuffe...

Traditions can be hard. They can bring about anxiety, worry, and a host of other suppressed feelings one has worked diligently to bottle deep within the bowels of their psyche. However, in some rare occasions time honored traditions can in fact provide just the right amount of respite and cheer our bodies and souls require in order to make its way through yet another year on this god forsaken plan...

It’s the holiday season and with the holidays come everyones favorite annual holiday tradition: the annual holiday party. So jump into the holidays with the holiday maestros themselves Mike and Charley, and listen in as they guide you through the best holiday inspired ways to rein in the holiday cheer. Holidays can be hard, and no doubt these upcoming holidays will be no different… for it is the h...

Relive the journey as the Monsters in the Morning proudly present: Moon Dump 2022: The Entire Saga in One Nice and Neat Package.

Strange how every year around this time we no doubt will wake up one nondescript morning, roll up our socks and gaze in disbelief at the sudden metamorphosis in our environment. This once comfortable and cozy atmosphere now filled with chilling uneasiness and biting unfamiliarity. We wander around with a head full of wonderings unsure of the future yet petrified of the present. It’s a scary place...

Its The Monsters In The Morning Election Night Extravaganza Spectacular Fun-Fun Big Time Up To The Minute Hyper Local Hyper Focal Hyper Notable Dirty Little Stink-Pit Election Headquarters HQ Dr. Q Crazy Time Wow Show.

Every morning during the month of October I like to start the day with a fresh hot pumpkin for breakfast. It’s nothing special. I simply pop a small one in the microwave for a few seconds till soft, sprinkle it with powdered sugar then proceed to eat the pumpkin stem and all. I don’t condone the practice, nor particularly enjoy it myself. In fact anther tradition I have during the month is vomitin...

Autumn leaves whisper to us their sweet song As they crackle and crunch while we walk along. The air is brisk and the smell is amber. I hide my shit-stained undies at the bottom of the hamper. The coffee is hot and the flavor is pun-kin. Its my drawers I say that I accidentally took a dump in… We rejoice each year with this sudden change of the weather. You know what that means, break out the swea...

‘Twas written long ago, on some sort of ancient scroll, made of some sort of ancient parchment: “Be it so, thy first dump to fall upon thee surface of thy moon will be grand indeed!” In keeping with tradition and driven by a curiosity bordering on mild stupidity and ineptitude, Mike and Charley finally reach their final destination. Landing a much needed end to this long winded and meandering stor...

It’s the kind of thing every little boy dreams of: getting the chance to fly to the moon, land on said moon, and then having the unique opportunity to take a large shit on that very same moon, only to fly back home to a waiting ticker tape parade and a true heroes welcome. It’s all so surreal that it could have come directly out of a book of space themed fairy tales with a scientific spin. God spe...