Modern Couples

Jealousy can show up in the smallest moments and suddenly take over your nervous system, your thoughts, and the way you relate to your partner. In this episode, Rick and Lilian help you get clear on what your jealousy is actually trying to tell you and how to respond without turning it into a fight, a spiral, or a “prove it” dynamic. You’ll leave with practical ways to calm yourself in the moment,...

Open relationships can work, and they can also create problems fast when couples rush in without clarity. In this episode of Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You , Rick and Lilian talk through what it really means to “open up” and the questions that matter before anything changes. They cover common motivations, what tends to go wrong when couples use non-monogamy as a fix for conflic...

Cheating is one of the most painful and confusing crises a couple can face. But suspicion and secrecy don’t always tell the whole story. In this episode of Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You , Rick and Lilian break down the real signs of cheating, why partners become suspicious even when no betrayal has happened, and how infidelity affects relationships far beyond the act itself. T...

The holidays are supposed to bring joy, but for many couples, they bring tension instead. Deciding where to spend the holidays, whose traditions to follow, and how to manage family expectations can quickly turn into emotional minefields. In this episode of Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You , Rick and Lilian explore why holiday planning often sparks conflict, how family dynamics sh...

What really defines a toxic relationship? Is it the yelling, the control, the quiet dismissals, or the moments that leave you doubting your own reality? In this episode, therapists Rick Miller and Lillian Borges dig deep into one of the most difficult subjects for any couple: the fine line between normal relationship conflict and the kind of emotional damage that chips away at your sense of self....

Trust is one of the most complex foundations of any relationship — and few topics spark as much tension as snooping and location sharing. In this episode of Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You , Rick Miller and Lillian Borges unpack what’s really happening underneath these behaviors. They explore why so many partners resort to snooping instead of communicating, how gender roles and...

When you hear the term “ADHD,” what do you think about? Someone with a short attention span, who is forgetful, who can’t settle down? This neurological condition is difficult to live with—whether you’re the one experiencing it, or are in a relationship with someone who is.   ADHD is like other disorders in that the resulting behavior, while frustrating, is never intentional, so both partners need...

Who hasn’t at one time or another referred to someone else as a narcissist? But really, the clinical version of narcissism is relatively rare… which doesn’t mean that many people don’t have narcissistic traits! Some are healthy and related to self-worth, but others are harmful—and completely invisible to the person exhibiting them. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably alr...

What goes unspoken when separate bedrooms become the norm? More couples are choosing to sleep in separate rooms, but what does that actually mean for their connection? In this episode, we explore the emotional and relational layers behind this growing trend. Is it a practical move toward better sleep, or a quiet signal of emotional withdrawal? The answer depends less on the arrangement itself and...

Do frequent fights mean you and your partner are incompatible? Could fights actually be part of how some couples stay connected? In this episode, therapists Rick Miller and Lillian Borges take a closer look at what conflict reveals about relationships. They explore why fighting isn’t always a red flag, how our upbringing and attachment styles shape the way we argue, and the difference between conf...

Infidelity is one of the hottest of hot-button issues in relationships, and a never-ending source of judgment, recrimination, and pain. But where all that misses the mark is in that infidelity isn’tjust about sex , and there’s never just one side to the story . Andsurprisingly, some relationships do survive one or the other “cheating” on them. While that’s not always possible—unmet emotional and o...

By now we’ve all had a chance to try ChatGPT. And it’s probable that the first few times you used it, you were amazed, right? But as time went by, you probably found it less and less enthralling. And that goes double, or maybe even triple, when you’re using it for relationship advice. So, yeah, trusting your relationship to a machine, no matter how quick and clever it might seem, may not be the be...

Marriages work (or don’t work) in a number of different ways. Some couples enjoy frequent sex; others have less sexual activity, or none at all. Whatever they choose is right for them, as long as both partners are in agreement about the level of intimacy they give and receive. Problems arise when one partner wants more (or less) sexual intimacy than does the other. This can often manifest in thefe...

Couples generally raise their voice when they are not being heard, understood, or when they're feeling desperate. Feeling that nobody is listening can make anybody want to yell! But there are better ways of making yourself heard, and Lilian and Rick want to share them with you today.

Our Children need to be allowed to simply be children, but we often put them in the middle of our relationship conflicts, creating a triangulation that's not healthy for anyone. Co-parenting effectively involves modeling loving, respectful intimacy for our kids. Let's talk about how you can do it!

Many couples choose to have separate residences for myriad of reasons: job requirements, school district preferences, even military postings. Making decisions together can be challenging when you're living apart. How do you keep it together? How do you define your own couplehood around residences, visits, children, and intimacy?

Who hasn't seen their partner rolling their eyes? Who hasn't done it themselves at times? So much is being said in this gesture, often underlining attitudes that make one or both partners feel unsafe in the relationship. What is encoded in nonverbal communication? Is this something you or your partner do routinely? What can replace it to make nonverbal communication work better?

Couples argue incessantly about who does (or doesn't do) what chore, when, and how, and resentment around these seemingly mundane tasks can build and become a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship. You don't have to keep doing this dance- Rick and Lilian will tell you how you can change your dynamics!

The prevalence of couples who meet on the internet is increasing, while the command of each other's language can be rudimentary, creating communication challenges. Do we use communication as a bridge_ or as a weapon? And is it a metaphor for speaking different languages in other, less obvious ways?

The way we handle money in relationships can be a metaphor for how we handle love. Do you keep your money jointly or separately? Do you argue over how to spend money? In this episode, Rick and Lilian talk about issues around control, intimacy, and safety around money.

What is it you don't tell your partner? What kinds of secrets do couples keep from each other? Do you keep secrets so you can avoid conflict with your partner, or do you tell your partner everything, or something in-between? What's the best policy?

What happens when one or both partners need to travel for work, pleasure, or other reasons? If being apart is part of your life together, how can you develop a routine for checking in with each other? Emotional distance can increase with geographical distance while issues of trust can play out in traveling schedules.

Lilian and Rick take on intimacy and sex in this premiere episode: who decides whether pets are allowed in the marital bed? Can these decisions represent barriers to emotional and sexual intimacy? Do all couples have to sleep together? Do issues of power and control affect the way we are intimate together?