Melrose Place Cast

Look, because we* are completionist, we *have* to go back to past seasons and identify the guest star we'd most like to podcast with.  Of course then at the very end of this podcast, when we've watched our last episode but still keep churning out special episodes, we can have a proper tournament of season champions. * I am obligated to say that "we" means "Teege" This week, we'll discuss the...

Why are we calling him Dick, now? Is this some pop culture moment from way back that we don't understand? Or was it meant to be a bit racy? Peter and Amanda are arguing over whether or not Peter killed his first wife. Amanda, mystically, thinks he could never do something like that even though he was on probation for attempting to murder her. Michael is helping Kimberly along, hoping she'll regain...

You can't get it out of your head - the image of Kimberly and Sydney, flowing attire flapping in the wind, casually eating ice cream while walking along the beach and plotting a M U R D E R of Michael Mancini. Or as they say in My Cousin Vinny, Murder IN THE FIRST DEGREE! But, did their ginger plot start with murder, or was it more of a slow build? Maybe the began by imagining what would happen if...

If you are as confused and dumbfounded as we are about the re-election of Donald Trump, then join us on this special inauguration day episode. Mary and I work through each of the characters, with a remarkable ability to know how they voted on a secret ballot, to determine just how the election tilted towards Donald Trump.

This is a throwback episode, for sure.  But in order to be completionists, after the rousing success of the Tournament of Sadness at season three, we went back and revisited the first season.  Using an epic tournament style deliberation, we answer the question: which Melrose Place character had the worst season? Here are the brackets: The Mrs. Mancinis Jane / Sydney Winner takes on: Kimb...

Melrose Place is back for another season, and so are we! We come back to see what happened with the fact that Richard, while dead, was literally crawling out of the ground. His psychological warfare on Jane Mancini is epic. Also, who exactly is the villain in this scenario? Alison and Jake are dating behind Billy's back, to spare his feelings. I can't wait to see how this turns out. Peter is in ja...

Okay, fine - so the incest was creepy. Let's try to jazz this up with two former fiancés who always seemed like a better brother and sister than they did future spouses. However - is the Folgers ad too boring without the incest overtones?

Okay, so a brother / sister remix weirded Mary out. So did big brother / little brother even though they just act like they're full brothers, when in reality, they're half brothers. So let's go in another direction. We asked robot to write us a version of the ad that even frat boys wouldn't be weirded out by. Well, perhaps robot understood frat boys better than us.

We're continuing our journey to use robot to rewrite a more acceptable ad than what Folgers delivered fifteen years ago. Let's see what robot thinks would happen if we rolled the Hanson brothers into the ad, with the Jo walking in at an inopportune moment.

The Folgers ad really shocked the conscience of a troubled nation. Robot helps us imagine what that commercial would have looked like if the brother / sister combo were indeed Amanda Woodward and David Michaels, with Hillary Michaels stepping in at an uncomfortable moment.

Folgers Incest Ad: The Oral History of "Coming Home" for the Coffee Commercial's 10th Anniversary | GQ In 2009, Folgers released a nice, downhome, wholesome ad, where a brother and sister are clearly into each other. Mary had never seen the ad. Until now.

With Richard literally crawling out of the ground after being buried, we ask robot to help us imagine a scenario where Melrose Place and The Walking Dead cross over. Who will win in a leadership battle between Amanda Woodward and Rick Grimes? Is Daryl Dixon or Alison Parker the better sidekick? Which Melrose Place characters will take advantage of the zombie horde to begin an illicit affair? Also,...

As is custom, we wrap up the season with an overarching view of this entire season as one contribution to the culture. But is it art or is it trash? We both take our best shot at winning this argument before, mercilessly, burying the season right alongside Richard, where I'm sure it will never be heard from again. Certainly it won't be literally crawling out of the ground in a few months.

We're nearing the end of our legally-required human resources intervention. At least as it relates to Melrose Place. Let's round out this mini-series with a thorough analysis of what an HR professional thinks might be uniquely problematic in the Melrose (work) Places during season four.

In a recent special episode, expert guest Christopher (of Melrose Sheltering In Place infamy) told us that Sam was the worst character on Melrose Place - and her actions led directly to the worst thing that happened in the entire series. Of course, Mary and Teege have no idea what he's referring to. Of course, that won't stop us from throwing out haphazard guesses anyway. Join us in trying to gues...

A long, long, time ago, season one featured a one-episode family for Billy Campbell. He leared at a sexy lady having car troubles on the side of the road, picked her up literally and figurately, dated her for a week, took the kid to Six Flags, lied to Alison, fought the boy's father, and thought "hasta la vista, baby" was a secret code between him and his step son. But what if Dawn c...

This is a unique situation for us - a main-stay character is coming aboard with just enough background for Mary and I to speculate while simultaneously being someone we know nothing about. So while Sydney and Kimberly both had some guest appearances before becoming a season regular, we both knew what to expect. Sam? No clue. So Mary and I are guessing - with our rival and threat to our podcast kin...

What could make season three more explosive than a boat bombing and a building bombing? HR forms in triplicate dealing with the decisions our lovely characters are making along the way.

Well, mercifully, it's over for Jo Beth Reynolds. She came in as a dark, mysterious, sophisticated photographer from New York City, and left, we think, as Dominick O'Malley's plus one for an uplifting tour of war-torn Bosnia. But was Jo's entire story line high art for the generations worthy of literary praise, or was it just giving trashy soap opera, and that's fine? To join us in this important...

As you've heard by now, it has infuriated Teege that the actress who played Linda on Models, Inc. was brought into Melrose Place as the character Claire, instead of bringing Linda back to Melrose Place. Nothing had to change. Linda would have worked just well with the storyline. Why did they do this? Just to hurt Teege? Probably. So join us, as Teege manipulates artificial intelligence to remi...

What a stunning end to a long, long season. Jane and Sydney kill a man (Richard) who is crawling out of the ground, presumably unhappy with his current situation. Jo and O'Malley have their long goodbye, and now it seems like Jo is going to be back next season but IMDB says no, no, no. Kimberly goes on a redemption arc only to flatline right when Peter needs her to testify. What does she need...

This episode has everything you could ever want in Melrose Place. Amanda and Michael are gumshoe capers trying to crack the case like they're on a special episode of Melrose Place 'Cast Investigates. Meanwhile, the heartthrob and organrob that is Peter Burns seduces Priscila Presley, only to be busted as two genuine patients of Willowbrook follow him out. Peter is going to get a full lobot...

The court-ordered intervention of human resources continues. Let's find out what this global powerhouse of HR-ness has to say about what happened in the second season of Melrose Place. To be clear - he is not pleased and thinks there may be some policy work needed by the good people at Dungeons and Dragons Advertising.

Well this was a wild ride. We are joined by our expert millenial guest, Gail, who voted well this week. Things we discussed: are we still doing shock therapy? Is karma a bitch, or is that just Monday's? How much did we all enjoy Jake putting Billy in his place? Does it matter that Alison and Jake are going to hook up? How do we address Jane's story line? Is Dr. O'Malley interesting or...

Whatever happened to Carrie from Models, Inc.? The last we saw her, she was somewhere in Central America, trapped in "hell, baby. Hooker hell." Well, Hillary Michaels gets a note from Carrie, which sends her off on a mission to rescue her last, missing model.