Married to Addiction

When we marry our husbands we usually don't have any indication that we will be married to an alcoholic. And if we do, we usually don't think it's 'that bad'. But one of the main problems with alcoholism is that it is a progressive disease, meaning that it gets worse over time. Unfortunately that is also what happens to most alcoholic relationships as well. In this episode we w...

You've probably heard the phrase 'One day at a time' as it relates to an alcoholic's recovery. But what does it mean for us? In this episode we'll talk about how that concept is different for the wife of an alcoholic, but just as important. If you frequently find yourself in the midst of fear, anxiety, and overwhelm then you need to give this one a listen. _____________________...

If you're anything like I was when my husband was deep in addiction you may find yourself listening to this podcast and shaking your head a lot. To be honest, I'm not even sure I would have liked this podcast back then, because I thought that a lot of the 'advice' I heard for wives of alcoholics was ridiculous. But I didn't know then what I know now. So if you have found yourse...

"I've GOT to make this stop!" This is one of our first reactions when our husband's drinking starts to spiral out of control. We would do anything and everything to get him to stop, and to get our lives back to normal. So that's exactly what we do. We try to control anything and everything around his drinking. Problem is that it is all an illusion. It is not going to fix it....

My husband and I just celebrated our 13th anniversary. And sometimes I can still hardly believe that we are here. Things haven't just been bad for us in the past, they have been absolutely nightmarish. In this episode I will share some of the most difficult parts of our journey through addiction, and also give you the dose of encouragement and hope that I so desperately needed back then. Thank...

Are you codependent?  Do you even feel like you know what that means? I wasn't sure I did for the longest time, and then once I started grasping the concept I thought 'That's not me. I'm just trying to help.' I know now how wrong that statement was.  In this episode we will talk about what codependency is, how it hurts your husband and his recovery, and how it hurts YOU. Please...

This might be THE biggest question that wives of alcoholics have: Should I stay, or should I go? Everyone's situation is different, and I will never tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. But in this episode I wanted to give you some things that I think should at least be considered in a situation like this.  I hope it helps shed some light.   _______________________________________...

I will never forget the first time I heard 'renewal of the mind' actually explained.  I had heard about the concept before, but I didn't really understand what it was, much less how to do it.  Once I was enlightened I remember thinking 'Wait! We can actually DO that??' Then I started practicing it and it changed my life.  Not kidding. That's why it's the very first thin...

You wish things could go back to the way they were.  This was not the relationship you wanted.  This was not the relationship you thought you were getting. At it's most fundamental level it's loss, and it's okay to grieve that loss. But in this episode we'll also talk about the second part of that. The 'what to do next' part. Because it's okay to grieve your relationshi...

Have you experienced this? You say you want to go to an Alanon meeting, or join the Secret Sisters Circle, or get counseling, or whatever else to help you deal with your husband's alcoholism and he gets mad. He tells you that it won't help you, or that they're just going to 'fill your head with lies', or that he feels like you're going behind his back, etc etc. It basically...

Sometimes I think it's even harder to be the wife of an alcoholic when you're a Christian. Why? Because we're not 'supposed to' have problems like this, right?  At least that's the perception, both outside and even inside the church. This just adds to our already overwhelming shame, guilt, confusion, and isolation. In this episode we will talk about the stigma around Christ...

We don't even know it's happening. We're just trying to survive the day-to-day. We move through the weeks....months....years....and don't realize how much we're changing because of what we've been through.  Wives of alcoholics experience trauma. That trauma creates a near-constant state of apprehension, and keeps us in high alert mode. It is really difficult to live like th...

I am super excited to share this conversation with you all, because it is SO IMPORTANT. In this episode I am talking to Dawn Ward of The Faith to Flourish and Christian Moms of Addicted Children. Dawn and I are of like mind when it comes to treating addiction: One size does not fit all. That's because there are actually three different layers to addiction, but for some reason this is rarely ta...

Looking back on my journey with my husband through his years of active addiction I can see SO many things that I did do that I shouldn't have, and SO many things that I didn't do that I should have. Today I will share with you the five things that I most wish I would have done differently. Sometimes we just can't see things objectively when we are in the middle of them.  I had a friend...

When my husband was struggling with alcohol addiction it used to frustrate me SO MUCH to hear 'There's really nothing you can do.'. I used to wonder how in the world I was going to survive such a difficult situation for an undetermined amount of time. So today I want to give you hope. I want to show you that there actually are some things you can do to help your husband, yourself, and...

Well, this was the first time I've ever cried on the podcast....but it probably won't be the last. In this episode we will talk about the stages of recovery.  I'll let this episode speak for itself, but suffice it to say that if you only listen to ONE of my podcast episodes this should be the one. (Just in case you didn't have a chance to jot down my email address during the episod...

I used to think that detachment sounded cold and uncaring.  How could I possibly detach from my husband right now?? And why would I want to at a time when he needs me the most? I didn't realize that detachment wasn't about that at all. In fact, it was one of the best things I could do....for both of us. In this episode we'll talk about what detachment really means, how to do it in a he...

All of us have heard of 'self-care', but self care looks very different for the wife of an alcoholic. Manicures, bubble baths, and all the rest do little to nothing for us, because we are just trying to SURVIVE. In this episode we will talk about what self care should look like if we have an alcoholic husband. I'll outline the three things that I consider to be THE most important thing...

Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it? How can you grow when you feel like you're constantly being pulled under by a tidal wave?? I was there for SO long. Just angry and resentful and trying to get through the days.  Growing in my faith or in any other kind of way was the furthest thing from my mind. But now that I'm on the other side of it I can see so clearly how much it ended up chang...

'My husband keeps choosing alcohol over me.' That is what I thought for a long time and it drastically affected my marriage, my approach to my husband's addiction, and my psyche. This is a common thought for wives of alcoholics, but today I want to share with you why I now 100% believe that choice as it relates to alcoholism is a myth. In this episode I'll talk about how I arrived...

I didn't want to hear it!!! The notion that *I* needed 'help' or recovery was downright ridiculous to me when my husband was deep in addiction. But then things got harder and harder for me. I started having trouble at work, physical issues, and full-blown mental breakdowns. I finally realized that I was sick too. In this episode we will talk about three signs that you need recovery too...

We all know that we should try to 'love as Jesus loved', but I don't think there is any circumstance that makes that more difficult than being married to an alcoholic. Between the defensiveness and empty promises and personality changes, our addicted husband came sometimes make feeling love or compassion a true challenge. But how do we do that in spite of all that? And why should we ev...

We hear we should do things like 'accept what we cannot change', 'detach with love' and 'create healthy boundaries'. But when you're stuck in the middle of the storm of addiction with someone it can feel almost impossible to do those things sometimes. That's because there is a super critical step that needs to come BEFORE we try to do those things, but no one ever t...

One of the statements that I think is SO true for most wives of alcoholics is 'You don't know what you don't know.'. I did everything wrong for the first couple of years that my husband was struggling with addiction. But I absolutely did not know that at the time!  I thought I was 'helping', and I tried a million different things and a million different tactics. After learn...

I asked myself a lot of questions at the beginning of my journey as the wife of an alcoholic. Did my husband really have a problem with alcohol or was I just being over-sensitive? Were the things that I was noticing fairly common, or not so much? Had I just become more aware of how much he was drinking, or had it actually increased? Just how much was 'a lot' of alcohol per day? Did other p...