Lucidesse - Inspiring Strokes of Genius

My left hip spoke to me recently, told me that it locked-down 15 years ago because of a misunderstanding, my misunderstanding; I did not understand the situation, my self, others, and healthy responsibility. Today, my left hip is cautiously unlocking. We are talking. I am understanding, and learning. ALWAYS LEARNING!

I have worked my whole life to have healthy, healing, strengthening conversations, the ones which require each person to dwell in the discomfort of their vulnerability, their authenticity. I’m finally doing that. And not just doing it, I’m understanding a few of the keystones which lead up to those moments when hard conversations become something magical, transformational; Like a rainbow becoming...

I am resilient. But not all the time. It happens best when I find the golden thread of my journey, and follow. I don’t just find this thread lying around, I align with it, resonate with it, listen and feel for it. And then, when I find it, I see that I’ve given up all the other possible journeys for this one, for mine, for me in this moment. 

After 15 years of having a very active nervous system, and so faithful, like Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park, I’m done. This is my love letter of farewell to this habitual triggering, and also an invitation to harness all that energy into a symbiotic relationship, a meaningful and productive life. I’m dying to live my purpose again. So, as my mother said, “Take my hand. We go soon.”

I know 'fighting to live' very well. What is new to me is 'dying to live'. I thought it would be a less active process but it requires much of the same, namely, awareness, acceptance, allowance, but with less outward physical, and even mental, actions. I don't think either is better, there is a time to fight and a time to die, and both can lead to new life, they are like m...

My grandmother is one bookend. I am the other, or one of them. And it wasn't until I spoke my grandmother's words about my mother, at my mother's memorial service, that I began to understand just how deep the ties are between generations, not simply with parents. And it's beautiful for me to see this continue from my mother to my son. I hope they find the same strength, solace,...

We have many sources of grief and they flow like streams into one pool. When a great loss comes, that pool is given an opening and the waters flow for ALL the streams of grief. We are given the gift of grieving, for not just the current loss, but all the losses, from all the sources of our griefs.

More musings, thoughts, experiences of grief, sorrow, loss, death, and the natural yet overwhelming (at times) waves of these energies, emotions, teachers. The dark purple robes of Sorrow came to me nearly 20 years ago, I know Her well, and have learned to love Her. Sorrow is a Queen among royalty. Truly, the finest of ladies. 

A few days before my mother passed, I wrote her a letter. And then she wrote me back - immediately! Such a sweet surprise. I Love You, Mom. Miss you already. Wish you the safest travels. Call as soon as you can, I'm here, waiting...

A novel about humanity, divinity, time, space, and why we do what we do...

“Pressure is a privilege.” ~ Billie Jean King Life is an athletic event, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  To feel, hear, listen, respond, and grow through that pressure is our greatest privilege.  

Porcelain Lives lives is a book I began writing in 2015 as I was helping care for my father as he passed from Alzheimer’s. I didn’t realize I was writing a book at the time, I was merely capturing what was happening in my fathers passing, until a few years later  I realized I wanted to turn it into a book. I have written most but I’ve been waiting for my mom to finish her journey with Alzheimer’s....

Porcelain Lives lives is a book I began writing in 2015 as I was helping care for my father as he passed from Alzheimer’s. I didn’t realize I was writing a book at the time, I was merely capturing what was happening in my fathers passing, until a few years later  I realized I wanted to turn it into a book. I have written most but I’ve been waiting for my mom to finish her journey with Alzheimer’s....

Am Whole. Here Be. I found this tattooed into my pillowcase. So I began Cultivating a new relationship with Time & Space. Just finished reading “Kindred”, book by Octavia Butler, which revamps my ancestors from dead ghosts to alive and living. “Kindred” also shows me how easy it is to be human, to fall into the same patterns we always fall into as humans. READ the book. For every reason imagin...

In my most recent EMDR session, I met hate again. Only this time Hate was grounded in the moment, Alice within the experience, felt by my body, acknowledged by my mind, and given room to breathe, to be, and …. Well, I’m still figuring out what. But for now, I feel relief after learning that so much of my hate was tied to the rape, yet unknown to me as I was not able to experience it in the moment....

Carl Jung speaks to my Soul with teachings concerning ego-Deaths as necessary to become our whole and integrated selves. And of living as embodiment of wisdom, ‘a living symbol of wholeness’. He tell us to, “Stop asking ‘am I too much’ and begin asking ‘am I aligned?’” Carl Jung - watch video!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srdoej-Ogeo Nothing In Excess - Oracles of Delphi - an old episode of mi...

These are three separate moments captured over a few days where I was experiencing the fullness of Death's lessons.

I discovered an old friend after my latest EMDR session. We've met Death before, but never from a place of vitality and health. In the past Death has taught me much about fear and loss and sorrow and ashes. That isn't the story today. Today, Death teaches me Forgiveness, Renewal, Clear Rushing Waters of Cleansing, and most importantly, IMMEDIACY. The immediacy of every moment. The space...

I share the richness of each moment, gained through awareness, presence, experience, breathing, revealing, becoming, deconstructing, change, source, compassion, patience…in one word, Meditation. It’s more than sitting with eyes closed. It’s everything. It’s the richest of the rich for every breath is precious. 

I continue to swim in a deep mountain lake, exploring Hate, both present and past. These waters have led me to Power, or lack thereof, the loss of personal power. And the reclamation. I’m widening, broadening, encompassing more of life, more of me, by exploring the thing I despised most - Hate. It isn’t what I thought. 

What's meditation really like? Like obsessing over a new toilet bowl scrubber, over and over and over... Truly. It's funny, absurd, crazy, humorous, ridiculous, compassionate, REAL REAL REAL. And always a gift I give myself. (and honestly, others!)

I share my recent experience and learning from the emotional teacher called Hate. It’s teaching me to feel hate, it’s ok, and to return to moments when I felt hate. To see hate. Look at it. Know it. Then decide. Hate is a powerful teacher for me, I appreciate all that I’m learning.

In the episode I share the many arcs of my meditation practice, along with Forgiveness as a clear waterfall of cleansing energy, and of Growth as a similar effervescent energy. I also speak to the uselessness of beautiful words when/if they don’t convey the energy the speak of. 

This episode is of a powerful life story spoken by a beautiful woman, who also happens to be one of resilience, honesty, strength, courage, and most importantly, Self-ness: she is her self, and her self is her --- together they are an inspiring force of change, inner and outer. Thanks innumerable to this dear friend, mentor, woman, and Soul. I treasure you always, in All Ways. 

If you start exactly where you are , you will get where you need to go. I started in an ‘ugly’ place of hate and trusted the process of being in the immediacy of the moment…that’s how I found myself moving toward the center of a labyrinth, creating a new structure of spacious learning, and seeking the softer dimensions of possibility and potentiality.