Love Over Addiction

It's normal to feel angry when your partner lies to you about how much he or she had to drink or if they've taken drugs. It's normal to feel angry after your loved one promised you they'll stop and then you find out they've started his or her bad habits again. It's normal to feel angry even after your partner is sober at all the pain and distrust you're still trying to work though. It's okay to fe...

When I was married to an alcoholic and substance abuser , he would try to blame his addiction on me. He would call me a nag or controlling or no fun. As if I stopped nagging he would stop drinking. Or he would try to get me to believe if I stopped monitoring how much he drank he would stop drinking so much. Or how about if I had a little more fun (i.e. party with him) he wouldn't need to party so...

Happiness. It's a feeling that seems unattainable when we're in the darkness of loving someone who suffers with drinking too much or addiction. How can you feel happy in the thick of your pain? Is it possible? Yes, it's totally and completely possible to go from hurt to joyful in an afternoon. How do I know? Because I've done it many, many times. There were lots of mornings when I was a young mom...

Are you feeling trapped in your marriage with an alcoholic or substance abuser? You love him or her, so you want to stay in this relationship. But you're angry, confused, and feeling hopeless. You don't know how much more you can take. Have you ever threatened to leave your loved one because you want to scare him or her into getting sober? (this almost never works for long-term sobriety, so no nee...

I had a friend who worked evenings. She was gorgeous and kind-hearted. She always wore the most beautiful outfits. We were both pregnant at the same time. She was having a boy and so was I, so we bonded over our growing bellies and swollen ankles. We also had something else in common: Our husbands were both addicted to cocaine. And because she worked nights, he would throw wild parties while she w...

Holidays… when you're married to someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction they can be difficult, can't they? You're hoping for the best. You're praying that they will stay sober so you can have a wonderful, warm, and loving holiday.   Maybe you're planning on visiting with family and they don't have any idea how bad things have gotten at home. Or perhaps you have children and you just...

Today we are going to talk about the top three ways to get your partner to stop lying to you. Let me start off by asking you a question: Have you, my sweet listener, yelled, screamed, pleaded and begged, bargained, counseled, and done everything else you could possibly think of to get your loved one sober? You are exhausted and resentful that you stay up late into the night worrying and trying to...

Warning: you're about to read something that will be difficult to swallow. It was posted by an alcoholic from another website. And although it might be tough, I think hearing it will help you understand that starting your recovery is the most important, life-changing step you can make.   If you want a happier, more peaceful life, you can start with the one thing this disease can't control - YOU. T...

Loving a man who drinks too much or suffers from addiction can be hard 365 days a year. But on some days, it's more difficult. This year on Halloween night I want you to be prepared for a lot drinking. When most people are passing out candy and enjoying themselves during the holiday, you might try to make the best of it, but you are left feeling anxious and worried about your partner's choice to d...

Do you want to learn how to feel joy, happiness, and peace whether your partner gets sober or not? I thought you would. I have a free video for you at the end of this post that will teach you why your happiness doesn't depend on your loved one's sobriety. In that video, I share more details about the Love Over Addiction program that's now open for enrollment. You love an alcoholic or substance abu...

If you’re the wife of an alcoholic or substance abuser, you are not powerless over his addiction. You don’t need to wait for him to get sober to start to feel happiness. Join us for encouragement, hope and some fun (because recovery doesn’t need to be all depressing.) How to feel love, joy and happiness while loving an alcoholic or substance abuser.  If you feel exhausted from trying to help, depr...

Loving an alcoholic can be such a devastating, heartbreaking relationship. It's difficult for people to really understand the pain and loneliness you're going through. This disease can make you feel like you're crazy. Because of that, I created a checklist that will help you know that what you're feeling is normal. You're not alone, my sweet reader. Loving an Alcoholic Checklist Do you worry about...

You feel trapped in a marriage to an alcoholic or substance abuser.   You love your partner, so you want to stay in this relationship, but you're angry, confused, hopeless, and you don't know how much longer you can take it all.   You might have told your loved one that this was the last chance to save your relationship. That he or she had to get sober because you don't know how much more of this...

When you love someone who drinks too much or has substance abuse issues, you are hoping with all your heart that they will finally get sober. You want the pain and suffering to end. So are you helpless? Do you have to sit back and wait patiently for your partner to decide that enough is enough? No way! Waiting for your loved one to get sober leads to depression, anxiety, and resentment. Yuck! Toda...

I often talk about one of the ways  this community  is different - we believe you're not powerless over this disease. And for those of you who know me and have been listening to the podcast or reading our blog for a while, you might be thinking "Yeah, Michelle I know. I've heard you say this so many times." Here's another way our community is different: We believe that codependency can be a very g...

I met my first husband in high school. At the time, I was broken. I didn't have a super traumatic childhood like some people, but I was definitely lacking love and attention and seeking approval from the wrong crowd as a result. I also really, really cared about people. Their pain was my pain. Even if it was a conversation with a stranger sitting next to me on a train. For that hour-long ride, I w...

The disease of addiction can make you feel so little so fast. But, remember - there are three of you in this relationship: you, your partner, and this addiction. And it's important to remember that it's the evil disease called "addiction" that is killing your relationship, not your loved one. Addiction wants to take you down. So what do you do when your partner's addiction has taken over once agai...

One of the biggest things to remember about the disease of addiction is that it loves to lie to you. Addiction has no shame either - it will lie straight to your face and use the one you love most to get the biggest impact. Here are three of the biggest lies to look for when you love an alcoholic or substance abuser. 1. It is my fault he drinks too much. It was much easier to blame myself for my e...

There's a popular expression that says there are two sides to every story. The reason it's popular is because it's true. Usually, during conflict in a marriage, there is responsibility that needs to be owned by both husband and wife. And as some of you know, I was once married to a good man who suffers with addiction and alcoholism . I'm now remarried and have six beautiful children. I wondered if...

In today's post, I am actually going to do something a little different. I'm not going to give you a tip. Today, I just want to encourage you. Tips and advice are good and can be super helpful, but sometimes we all just need a friend to encourage us. And that's what my heart was telling me you needed today. No how-tos.  Just encouragement and love. Just a friend to come alongside you and remind yo...

You might be feeling angry or like your life is out of control sometimes. You are mad at yourself for staying with your partner . And you can hate him or her at times when they break your heart because once again you trusted them and once again he or she lied. But you don't  really  hate your partner. You love him or her. Deeply. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't care. That's why you feel so a...

Wife of an Alcoholic podcast is a new community for women who love an alcoholic or substance abuser who may or may not be attending Al anon.