Live From The 405 Podcast

What a lovely Wednesday mourning! Colonoscopy extravaganza. Adventures in Los Angeles customer service, starring Luke Allen and Eric Rocha. Going to see Deftones next week, but of course there has to be a catch, because god hates me. 

Polish Brandon is a special guest this week, because I had fuck-all to talk about for 488. I needed back up. We talk about LA haircuts, the Superbowl a little bit (rare sports talk!), freezing your shit, and working at a bowling alley that lots of famous people came into. (And we had to deal with) You can hear more from this son of an onion on his weekly podcast, The Liquor License. One.

There are refugee camps in Gaza with better amenities and less issues than my god forsaken apartment. There always has to be "one weirdo." Rob's birthday part II (it's never too late!) and the gun range with Vince.

Calve-raped by a dog at the gym, and my first stand up comedy set/mic in over a year. (Fuck it) Bob's Big Boy. Fuck anyone that pre-emptively beeps at you at a red light. I'm getting bi-coastally fucked by the two worst governors in the country. (Details inside) "C.O.M." movie marathon with mister Eric Rocha.

Fuck "the fountain of youth," just give me a ripe banana. The thing about The Thing. God got so tired of the California fires, he put them out himself. I forgot about the time Chris Hardwicke fucked me over.

David Lynch died. Stop making movies about the wolfman. I dip my toe into the whimsical world of AI creation, and it was annoying, and confusing. Really taking the "able" out of "Gable," and how Hollywood has essentially fucked me in the ass with no lube for 15 years and running because I dare to "try." Bored-walk Empire. The air is still horrendous and fires are STILL going…three weeks later, in...

Los Angeles will literally be on fire for the foreseeable future for a myriad of reasons, but mostly "arson." (Shhhh!!!!!) At Chipotle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (Suck my Dickens) I mostly likely bore you to tears about my screenplay and the dramatic breakthrough I managed, but it will be worth it because Taylor Sheridan is totes going to produce it and it'll be on your...

From the smoldering embers of Studio D, I tell you my harrowing final days in Buffalo and the dreadful return home.

Last days in Florida, first days in Buffalo. New Years Eve, and the trip to my brother's house. (Please excuse the annoying audio for a few minutes, and my distraction at driving through a nasty snowstorm/white out for a while in upstate New York.) Happy new year!

Huston, we have a problem. The day before I left was a real kick in the rear end, fam. (Keeping it PG for Christmas, folks.) (And by "PG," I mean "pretty gay.") The flight to Florida, and the struggle for a proper Belgian waffle. I had Christmas and went to see Nosferatu so that you don't have to, then I watched Rogue One directly into A New Hope, and had thoughts on those. I apologize, not only w...

I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I can't think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas....

28 Years Later, 23 years later. I'm the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arby's. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see "Horizon," the Kevin Costner western, so you don't have to.

What did you do on your 30 th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).

"I'm the asshole" because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they don't really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isn't the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of "Fever?" Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. I'm excited about  meeting an interne...

It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes

I'm usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Leno's black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Miller's Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. "Mondays, amirite?"

Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; "NBD," as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie "Find Me Guilty" with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DP's suck.

I don't care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) "Girl" trouble. Smile 2 ("tWoOo?!") Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as you'd expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of "we all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now." Grave circumstances in B...

I finished The Godfather, and give my final thoughts on the fucker. (You won't have to hear about it again. At least not for a long time. Probably.) I saw that movie "The Apprentice" about young Trump and Roy Cohn. I was lulled in by suggestions that it was "objective" and almost "sympathetic" to the man; spoiler alert: it wasn't. I talk about the Will Haven/Strife show at the Troubador.   *Editor...

The story of my two tattoos, esp the lousy Star Wars one that I have that I'm too much of a pussy to get fixed. (For now) The story of this guy that had his amazing scenes cut from Return Of The Jedi, and how it must have impacted his life. I met the most Evan-y Evan of all time. The Ed Wood screening, with Dana Gould.

My sentence for being a self indulgent pig: hamburger hands. A slight reduction on my fatty sides! Things that are needlessly and hopelessly difficult and insanely expensive in Los Angeles: getting your concealed carry permit, rejoining Central Casting, getting your haircut. Rusty came to visit, we saw "Saturday Night." (That SNL movie)

Escape the fate on a windshield AND a door! After a two month reprieve, the daily doom and gloom is back. A homeless guy was too good for my shoes. (AND socks) Who the FUCK is "Carmela Creeper?!" Chipotle Incompetence. SOMETHING IS STILL BITING ME, DAILY. At night I can't sleep, I toss & turn. Saturday night Date with Blood In, Blood Out. Real World Season 2 revisit. Bruce's show, and an accidenta...

Megalopolis is quite possibly the most pretentious movie in Hollywood history. Im still watching Tulsa King, somehow. I feel like a real fraud piece of shit at the Comedy Store, and totally don't need therapy. I'm still watching The Penguin, are you?

I guess I'll never see Sepultura again. Tennis in Los Angeles has a few different interpretations. (I found out the hard way) I tried to take headshots but deserved a different type of "headshot." Sympathy for McClusky. October 1 2024, everything is just going great! Definitely still a 1 st world country. Last note about "1923," I promise. (Well, at least until another fuckin season comes out…) Ho...