Life and Love in La Ville

One scary day, I drove to the laurentians, like a grown-up. From trauma, abuse and fear, I let go, stood up, and found myself.  Photo by Alyssum Mormino on Unsplash.

September 2nd-September 5th, 2022: It's a day without Mommy, and I feel sad. Life is hard. Grownupping is hard. I chat with my niece on FaceTime, deal with boring stuff, and go to the playground, pondering home, happiness, boundaries and friendship.  Image by Yours Truly

August 28th, 2022, continued: Inspiration struck tonight and I placed my phone in the flower pot. Pressed video. Hit play.  Danced to Tash Sultana on the neighbor's roof, just like I danced to her on the monkey bars the other day. Tash Sultana, my celebrity crush. Here I am, a submissive, dominated by the universe. Image credit: Yours truly

August 28th, 2022: Richard wields his emotions like a knife, manipulating her empathy, slicing through our friendship. I try to shield her from the abuse but she has to see it too.  Image credit: Yours truly

Friday, August 26th, 2022, continued:  A new day is dawning and she is dancing, slowly, awake... Image credit: Me. Taken out the bus window after a magical weekend with Mommy and our trip to the fair. 

Friday, August 26th, 2022: I've been away on vacation this summer. Writing. Healing. Learning how to wield my Happiness Palace drawbridges and set real boundaries. Now it's reintegration time. Image Credit: Yours Truly and La Profe!

August 18th, 2022: As I wait for Etienne, I prepare a curry with my brother's saffron rice recipe. I ponder all the unsolicited advice I've tried to give my brother over the years.  Image credit: Etienne and me

August 16th, 2022: I've never known a love like this. My very own fairy godmother, manifested out of thin air. I led an excavation project yesterday to find our anniversary in my diary... Image credit: Jaeri on Pinterest

August 14th, 2022, continued: Last night, Jessie asked me if I believed in magic. Something beyond the metaphysical, like the god of Abraham and Moses. He said he didn't believe in anything at all. Image credit: Rafael Guajardo on pexels.com

August 14th, 2022, continued: When your head is spinning and your heart goes numb, you must leave. If not, the cycle of abuse will keep on going, and you'll keep getting hurt.  On average, it takes 7 tries for a victim to successfully leave his/her abuser. Leaving is not easy.  Leaving Gavin was one of the hardest things I ever did.  Image credit: Sydney Sims on Unsplash

August 12, 2022: The trauma is lessening. The words are coming, even though some stories will always stay unwritten. There will never be quite enough time, and healing is always a process.  Image credit: Yours truly (see other images at https://medium.com/@lifeandloveinlaville/on-trauma-processing-and-unwritten-medium-posts-b-g-f094d8e7988e)

August 11th, 2022: My ex-husband and I started speaking again a couple of years ago. By then he was engaged to be married, I think, or about to propose. His wife’s name is Lorelai, just like mine. I got pretty emotional when he told me they were pregnant... "Ice castle" image credit: Jacob Campbell on Unsplash

August 9th, 2022 Spoiler alert: Ramy Season 2, Episode 9 The camera zooms in on a man sitting in a steam-room, naked except for a towel. He is thick-muscled, hairy, and perhaps more attractive than you had initially given him credit for. He is alone at… Image credit: Unknown artist

Andrés and I played a fun game last night on our midnight road trip home. It was called “Guess-my-real-first-name,” game.  

In which my affinity for amazing cheese and my time away unfortunately coincide with fried refrigerators. Time for a food funeral. Wah!

July 30th, 2022, continued: I try to navigate my nieces’ diet. They are fellow fairy princesses and elven warriors. In the evening, we lie in the setting sun and share a meditation.   Photograph by author

July 30th, 2022, continued: Long ago I remember my father begging his parents to enjoy their retirement. Now, I wish he would do the same. We plan a wine tour in the finger lakes, and he shares my enjoyment of stuffed animals. 

July 30th, 2022, Continued: A hot tub, a joint, and three friends. Spanish conversation drifts from mushroom trips to abusive exes, to finding a unicorn couple for Andrés and Marisol.  Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com

July 30th, 2022: Yesterday was the anniversary of Sekhar’s and my trip to Naughty in Nawlins, a swinging convention in New Orleans. It’s where I experienced flogging and subspace for the very first time. It’s when I entered the world of BDSM and met my Master. On that day, my world turned upside down. 

July 28th, 2022, continued: Sleeping in my friend's old bedroom, I remember my childhood. I also ponder my week without Mommy, first with Gale to Chinatown and the Old Port in Montreal, then to Canal Lachine where I danced on the hill to Tash Sultana. I closed my eyes and realized that I want to submit to the universe. Photograph taken by author.

July 28th, 2022: Traveling down from Montreal, the border guards think that Marisol is a human trafficking victim.  We arrive at our family friends' home, a cabin with acres of land, berries, birds, trails and gardens. I remember my childhood, a ballgame ending with an elbow in my tooth. Trump signs in the local town and a pickup truck that reads, "No Lives Matter." 

July 26th, 2022: I've somehow found the perfect guy to appreciate my obsession with butterflies and unicorns! After texting him a selfie, I run into my downstairs neighbor. We make up and Baby Girl finds a way to turn 3:30am-wakeup-call-lemons into lemonade. 

July 24th, 2022, continued: After last night's doorbell-ringing saga, I chat with my mother about our upcoming family reunion. My siblings are pieces of work. 

July 24th, 2022: Startled awake at 3:30am in my downtown Montreal apartment, I try to calm myself and get back to sleep. Unfortunately, the banging at the door won't stop. Should I call the police? Photo by Markus Winkler at www.pexels.com

July 21st, 2022: During a heat wave in Montreal, Hazel and I head to Atwater market and discover a truffle cheese some might describe as "orgasmic." We skip the picnic at Beaver Lake and dine on my living room floor.