Lessons for Life With Gramma Kate

Are you constantly held responsible for the problems in your relationships, whether it’s financial stress, family tension, or someone else’s unhappiness? When a conflict happens, is your reaction put under the microscope while the behaviour that upset you goes unaddressed? Are you expected to follow rules other people don’t have to follow? And does your partner or another family member team up to...

When you hear the word narcissist, what kind of person comes to mind? Someone who's arrogant, controlling, loves attention, and thinks they're better than everyone else? But what if that picture of a narcissist is only part of the story? What if you've been looking for the obvious warning signs while missing the ones right in front of you? And what if those behaviours explain some of the confusion...

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, your family always finds something wrong with you? You speak up, and you're argumentative. You stay quiet, and you're sulking. You stand up for yourself, and you're being difficult. You get upset after being mistreated, and suddenly you're the problem. It's almost as if your family has already decided who you are, and everything you do becomes proof t...

Being the family scapegoat can drain your emotional energy, even when you understand the patterns. This week, I'm sharing how I've felt overwhelmed over the past couple of weeks, why I’ve stopped calling it a family scapegoat “role,” and what it’s like to enjoy family moments while still grieving what’s missing. I also talk about how I’m taking care of myself. If you’re struggling too, you’re not...

You have a partner. You share a home, maybe children, finances, and years of your life together. But when something wonderful happens to you, you don't bother telling them. When something terrible happens, you don't turn to them for comfort. And when you want affection, conversation or simply some time together, you may already expect to be dismissed. So how can you feel this alone in your relatio...

"I just worry about you when I don't know where you are." When someone says that to you in a loving, caring tone, it's hard to argue with. It sounds like a perfectly reasonable request. But what happens when you're the one who's expected to check in, explain where you're going, and account for your time, while the other person comes and goes whenever they please? That's a double standard. And in a...

If you are the family scapegoat, you may be used to assuming that every relationship problem is your fault. So when you feel anxious, you tell yourself you are too sensitive, overthinking, or simply afraid of rejection. But what if your fear is not only coming from your past? What if someone is actually mistreating you in the present? So, how can you tell whether you are experiencing anxious attac...

Do you feel like you’re the one keeping a relationship together? Like if you stopped checking in, apologizing, and smoothing things over, the relationship would fall apart? This might be your attachment style. What You Will Learn: What anxious attachment is and how it differs from fearful-avoidant attachment How inconsistent caregiving and the family scapegoat role can shape anxious attachment How...

People-pleasing says, “I need you to like me.” Fawning says, “I need to calm you so I don’t get hurt.” If you’re a family scapegoat, you may know the feeling of making yourself small to prevent someone’s anger from turning toward you. But did you know this may be a trauma response called fawning? In this episode, you’ll discover: The difference between people-pleasing and fawning Why family scapeg...

Have you ever spoken up about something unfair, only to have the conversation turn to your tone, your reaction, or your personality? You pointed out the problem, but somehow, you became the problem. In a toxic family system, this is often how the truth-teller becomes the scapegoat. So why does telling the truth feel like betrayal to some families? What You Will Discover: What it means to be the fa...

What happens when the person you depend on for comfort is also someone you can’t depend on emotionally? As a child, I learned that love could disappear without warning. I also learned that when I was frightened or distressed, I had to handle those feelings on my own. So, how can growing up as the family scapegoat shape what you expect from relationships? And how can those early experiences affect...

In many unhealthy families, there is one child who somehow ends up blamed for things they didn’t do, things they weren’t even part of, and sometimes simply for standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. It took me until my sixties to realize I had been living this pattern my whole life. Not just as a child, but in my marriage, friendships, and workplaces. Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. So...

When was the last time someone was disappointed in you, and you immediately assumed that meant you'd done something wrong? This past week, a movie producer I've worked with over the past five years asked me to come back as the accountant for another film. My availability has changed since then, and I wasn't sure I had the time. I really wanted to say no. So I did what I've done most of my life. I...

We hear the term sibling rivalry all the time. Brothers and sisters argue. They compete for attention. They push each other's buttons, and then they make up. That's a normal part of growing up in a healthy family. But what if what you experienced wasn't really sibling rivalry? What if you were assigned a role in your family that followed you into adulthood? What You Will Learn: ✅ The difference b...

Have you ever left a family gathering and thought, why does this hurt so much? Nobody yelled. There wasn't a big fight. But on the drive home, you felt anxious, your confidence dropped, and you couldn't stop replaying the event, trying to figure out why you felt so hurt and insecure. As if you'd done something wrong —but for the life of you, you can't figure out what. Sometimes mistreatment isn't...

Brené Brown once said, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." Two words in that quote stop me every time: "courage" and "disappointing" . Because if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, setting a boundary usually isn't the hard part. The hard part is the fear of their reactions. What if they're angry? What if they stop tal...

Have you ever walked into a room already knowing who might be upset, who needs comforting, and what you need to do to keep the peace? But here's what nobody tells you about being that good at reading everyone else. You stop reading yourself because you're no longer living in line with your own values. In this episode, I'll show you how to stop being a people-pleaser and start trusting yourself. No...

Have you ever promised yourself, "Next time I'm going to handle this differently," only to find yourself reacting the same way you always have? Maybe it's the silent treatment. You decide you're not putting up with it anymore. But after a few days, you cave. You smooth things over, even though you promised yourself this time would be different. Then comes that familiar feeling—t he disconnect betw...

Have you ever wanted to do something — just for you — and immediately heard a voice in your head talk you out of it? "That's not safe." "What will people think?" "Who do you think you are?" So you shrink the idea down. Or you wait for permission. Or you just... don't go. Most of us have done this more times than we'd like to admit. We've spent years — sometimes decades — putting everyone else firs...

Have you ever wanted something really, really badly... and then found a way to mess it up yourself? Maybe you wanted to start a business, but you never quite got around to it. Maybe you liked someone, but you pushed them away before they could get close. Maybe you had a goal of running a half-marathon, and right before race day, you gave up on yourself. We call this self-sabotage. And most of us t...

Have you ever talked yourself out of something you really wanted?   Not because you weren't capable. Not because you weren't qualified. Not because you didn't have the time. But because deep down you knew that if you became too successful, too confident, too independent, or too happy, there would be consequences with someone in your family. This pattern doesn't only happen between married par...

Have you ever felt guilty for doing something that was actually good for you? Going for a walk. Taking time for yourself. Working on a goal. Resting. Enjoying your life. What if the guilt isn't showing up because you're doing something wrong? What if it's showing up because you're doing something different? In this episode, you'll learn: ✅ Why guilt doesn't always mean you're making the wrong dec...

Have you ever noticed how much of life we spend waiting? Waiting to feel ready. Waiting to feel confident. Waiting for things to make sense. Waiting for someone else to change. Waiting for certainty. But here's the problem. Can we ever really be one hundred percent certain about anything? What if the life you've been waiting for is on the other side of a decision you're afraid to make? What You Wi...

What happens when you finally stop building your identity around the pain that the scapegoat role created? In this episode, we explore the emotional patterns many scapegoats fall into — over-responsibility, people-pleasing, emotional victimhood, and losing yourself trying to keep relationships functioning. Because recognizing the pattern is one thing. Learning how to stop emotionally living inside...

What happens when you finally recognize the patterns, but still stay emotionally stuck in unhealthy relationships? Many people can identify emotional exhaustion, people-pleasing, over-explaining, or walking on eggshells in their relationships. But awareness alone doesn’t always create change. Understanding your internal values may be the missing piece.  3 Key Takeaways ✅ You’ll learn the dif...