Jetwelder

This one goes out to all the old fuckers with a guilty conscience. Especially the orange guy. Written by & Recorded at home by Tony Fitzgerald, October 2025 p © 2025 The Davis Baby Music (ASCAP)

Originally did this back in 2009. Now that I'm a Certified Old Fart, it hits even harder. Remixed at home June 2024. --------------------- You know That the world is what has changed They want you To go off and die And that can be arranged All the bright lights are going out And all the old madmen are gone You're slow They want you to step aside You take too long At the burger joint You're holding...

Going on hiatus for a little while. Might be back soon, but maybe not. Here's an old fave from 2011 that strangely sums up my feelings in 2024. This would be a good place to thank all the adventurous listeners who supported and enjoyed Jetwelder's musical offerings for the last 30 years. Your numbers are tiny but you are mighty. ================ Recorded at home by Tony Fitzgerald in the 21st Cent...

Hey Resident The turquoise phase is underway Great supposedly Say, Occupant The turquoise phase is underway Now baby Yes we’d love to be your heroes Though we’re mostly ones and zeroes And all the work we did today Ends up crushed on the highway Hey Citizen The turquoise phase is underway Today maybe Hail Plebeian The turquoise phase is underway Dig it baby And we’d love to be your idols There’s n...

REMIXED! This is the place where diamonds go To turn back into coal This is the place to learn about The science of holes Everybody driving in their cars They’re turning right into Colfax And when their tail lights fade They’re not coming back Not need to wonder why Their lives just aren’t as good as getting high From Pifler’s to the Dollar Tree It’s fun to steal from the king And anywhere is the...

At a deserted Sinclair gas station 4 AM rural highway in Pennsylvania Inside the dusty garage bay I saw the ghost shirt Whirling in the debris Spinning and undulating in the dim light Cars pass by Their headlights shifting illuminated squares across the walls Through which I saw the ghost shirt Whirling in the debris Fluorescent and white I never told anybody ====================== Recorded at hom...

Good morning demons I trust you slept okay You're wondering why I called you here today We're having a very rough quarter And we can't afford to keep you around Sorry, demons, It's time to clean out your desk We'll give you all good references Because you're the best And we'll also offer A nice severance package plan We thank you for your efforts To avoid the wreckage man Good morning, demons Mayb...

An ambulance just went by It wasn’t coming for me An ambulance just went by It wasn’t coming for me This one wasn’t for me But is the next one free? An ambulance just went by I wonder who is inside Could it be a friend of mine Going for a ride? This one wasn’t for me But is the next one free? Is the next one for me? Is the next one free? Go Go Ambulance An ambulance just went by But it wasn’t my d...

Why should I only be one story? Better to be a tortured allegory Why be a victim of random circumstance I'll wake up with my legs in someone else’s pants I wanna be free to be other people Be other people other than me Free to be other people Be other people I always wanted to be I want to change the channel to an awesome new series Leave you behind to your conjectures and your theories Someday I’...

The age of hopeful monsters Is coming to an end We hope we won’t see monsters The likes of them again And we don’t need to give monsters Any more encouragement Please monsters Don’t hurt ‘em The age of hopeful monsters Might come back again someday The average joe can’t be trusted To keep those monsters at bay And some of them become monsters Themselves and go astray And no one wants to live throu...

Karens and Darrens They’re living large And they’d like a word With whoever’s in charge They want service And they want it fast And they want it cheap They’re a pain in the ass You want to start an argument With the employees or the management Let’s all join The Great Resigning To get away from your constant whining Karens and Darrens Make no mistake When they come around It’s time to take your br...

No Hell No It's not your circus any more It belongs to the clowns and the acrobats No Hell No It's not your circus any more It belongs to the elephants and big cats And nobody here needs a ringmaster (Too bad for you) And the show will go on without the bastard (So sad for you) And nobody loves the gatekeepers They're just a bunch of old creepers (They'd love to take you out) No Hell No It's not y...

A glorious destiny awaits you That's what the people say We sing this song in unison To ourselves most of the day Ahhhh A glorious destiny awaits you The message gets received Onward glorious soldiers You really must believe It's a glorious glowing city on a hill ========================== written by Tony Fitzgerald recorded at home June 2022 © 2022 The Davis Baby Music (ASCAP) Fitzgerald did this...

Mumbo Jumbo OK Uh-huuuh Love mumbo jumbo forever Go to the record store and close your eyes Put your hand out and try not to stumble Now grab any random batch of sounds You’ve got a handful of love mumbo jumbo Mumbo Jumbo OK Uh-huuuh Love mumbo jumbo forever Love mumbo jumbo is everywhere I’m afraid that is a fact But thank the lord for love mumbo jumbo Or we wouldn’t know how to act Mumbo Jumbo O...

(commence drivethru story in 5-4-3-9-12-11-) The guy in the car ahead of you It’s his anniversary He has a big long complicated order But the microphone is of cheap and poor quality When he realizes nothing is happening He gets very angry He forgot his anniversary And things are bad at home, you see The fumes of resentment Set ablaze by a spark of anger The familiar beloved face of the iconic hamb...

Born to be a Yes Man What’s the best thing you can say? Nope nope nope Nope nope nope And we saw it online So it must be true okay Nope nope nope Nope nope nope Please everybody If we haven’t done What we could’ve done We tried We tried! Bred to be a nice guy Maybe on some other day Nope nope nope Nope nope nope Please everybody If we haven’t done What we could’ve done We tried And we tried How we...

They call me Styrofoam Fang Leader of the polythene gang And we’re just doing our thang Call me Styrofoam Fang I’m a dude too heavy to hang And my bell is already rang Take some drugs Do some crimes Go to court It’s Judge punching time Have you seen my Styrofoam Fang Good gosh golly gol-dang And I wish I were in the Wu Tang Pleased to meet Styrofoam Fang I wanna go out with a bang But I’ll be back...

The ghost in the car ahead of you It’s his anniversary Celebrating that special day Of his sad and small catastrophe The ghost in the car ahead of you Just turned right into the drivethru He so dearly wants to do All the things that he used to It’s his anniversary Anniversary ================== written by Tony Fitzgerald recorded at home May 2022 © 2022 The Davis Baby Music (ASCAP) Fitzgerald did...

Would you like to kiss my wallet? It’s shiny and it’s thick The Middle Class can’t get enough Because my money’s sick Still in love still in love With the world that tried to crush you so Look above look above And watch that money go Sick plans need sick money Sick things need sick money Sick money Old money smells too funny Held by dumb elitist dick New money’s crisp and sunny But it isn’t really...

Where there’s a hole There’s money to be made Industry needs some holes And a ticker tape parade Where there’s a hole Some people will get paid Throw money down a hole The economy is saved The economy is played ======================== yet another short arse song by Tony Fitzgerald recorded at home May 2022 © 2022 The Davis Baby Music (ASCAP) Fitzgerald did this--> bass, keyboards, samples, drum s...

Well I’m getting out of bed And I got it in my head To find me a box o food People popping out of doorways Enjoying a box o food If you knew how I seek out chow You’d maybe have a stroke If I don’t find me a box o food I think that I might croak Box o food Box O Box O Food Here’s a styrofoam box With a latch that locks All the goodness deep inside There’s a lid on the top So the food won’t rock If...

Celebrity Death Car is coming to town It's only two dollars why don't you come down? Celebrity Death Car is falling apart And it sorta looks like some bad modern art Celebrity Death Car is something to see It might've been nice before it wrapped 'round a tree Celebrity Death Car at your local mall Let this be a lesson to one and to all I wanna ride I wanna sit inside In the place where he turned t...

Everything is going to be nice You’ll get your donuts for half price Chariots of gold will descend from the skies And everything is going to be nice So sleep nighty-night Perchance to dream Everything’s as nice As you want it to seem Everything is going to be good The story turns out the way it should The happy ending is understood And everything is going to be good Everything is going to be nice...

I’m one of those people Who doesn’t like to let things go to waste Been farming through the dumpster Looking for something good to taste Somebody get me a fork and plate A knife and a spoon cos I can’t wait Monosodium Glutamate You won’t believe what I just ate Some people Some people Some people will eat anything Some people will eat anything I said I wasn’t hungry And I already ate before I went...

From the new Jetwelder album TYRANT ================================== Hey tiny time pills Can you take me back home I’m a lost traveler in time and all alone Now tiny time pills Can you please take me away To the day after tomorrow or yesterday This is the smartest thing we ever did We hopped right off of the grid And the truth unfurled We were trapped in a world We never made Now in the plastic...