Jason and Todd Talk Through Lousy Films

[[:encoded, "Humanoids from the deep is a reprehensible movie about gross mutated fish men attacking a town and getting all rapey. Yuck, man. Anyway, Jason and Todd are back to talk through this piece of shit in the first part of a same-day, two episode double feature release featuring Roger Corman productions which we swear we totally planned on purpose. Was that a run-on sentence? It was, w...

[[:encoded, "Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf is everything you could want in a movie sequel that jettisons the satire of the original to make room for plenty of soft core porn action. Doesn't matter at all, though, because Jason and Todd don't have lycanthrope sisters and have many other things to talk about, and Jason has to read a disturbing story by Todd's kid. Happy s...

[[:encoded, "Wolf Guy is an old movie from a land far, far away that has a bunch of naked ladies, gore, and Sonny Chiba. Todd can't keep up with Jason's selection this episode because there really is too much talking to do while trying to read subtitles, but no matter. Politics, Ridley Scott movies, and weird stories abound, so the movie doesn't make a damn bit of difference.&q...

[[:encoded, "The Baby is a weird and creepy exploitation movie with no actual babies in it, but it does have some toddlers with Downs Syndrome. This particular entry was brought to Jason and Todd by special guest Steve Skelton, who graces the podcast with a special story about Van Damme and Roger Moore. Jason talks about Stargate. Todd just sits there. Enjoy!"]]

[[:encoded, "Shark Night is a movie about river sharks and snuff films. Jason doesn't care for it, Todd thinks it's delightful, and this of course leads to debates about politics, racism, sexism, and a whole litany of things that these two old jackasses have no business discussing. You put on a bad movie about sharks, and this is the kind of armchair politics you are asking for!&quo...

[[:encoded, "Frogs is a movie that has Sam Elliot, but it is not a movie that has a lot of frogs. It's got a couple frogs, but a shitload of toads, a handful of lizards, and waaaaaaaaay too many snakes. Plus alligators. And racism, I'm pretty sure. Doesn't matter, because Jason and Todd barely pay attention to the boring dialogue BECAUSE THEY ARE SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD. (Now...

[[:encoded, "Castle Freak, simply put, is a movie about a castle with a freak in it. It does not go well for the people in the castle, but Jason and Todd kind of enjoy it in all its Stuart Gordon grossness and Jeffrey Combs funness, at least when their heads aren't up there own asses with their weird, pointless opinions."]]

[[:encoded, "The Swarm is a movie with Michael Caine, Katharine Ross, that old just who used to build model airplanes with Jimmy Stewart, and...oh yeah, bees. If you thought The Last Jedi wasn't long enough and had too many pictures, this it the podcast for you. Jason and Todd talk and talk and talk so you can stay home alone on New Year's Eve and still be bothered by a couple of ya...

[[:encoded, "The Swarm is a movie with Michael Caine, Katharine Ross, that old dude who used to make model airplanes with Jimmy Stewart in complete silence, and...oh, yeah...bees. If you thought The Last Jedi wasn't long enough and had too many visuals, boy do we have the podcast for you! Jason and Todd talk and talk and talk and talk so you can stay home New Year's Eve completely a...

[[:encoded, "The Assignment is a thriller by legendary Hollywood guy Walter Hill, and stars Michelle Rodriguez as a man who gets turned into Michelle Rodriguez. There's lots of nudity to make Jason happy, but he's kind of grumpy anyway, and he and Todd get into long conversations about how men are dirtbags and we're all going to hell. Enjoy!"]]

[[:encoded, "The Valley of the Gwangi is a bad movie that was close to the heart of the wonderful Susan Tankersley. This one is for her."]]

[[:encoded, "The Super Inframan is one of those Japanes kaiju movies, except it's Chinese. It's wonderfully colorful and the guys in monster suits are really spazzy. Jason and Todd talk other bad movies, fist fights, church shootings, great character actors, and politics all while half-watching this piece of low-rent garbage unfold. Sexy."]]

[[:encoded, "Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal is a movie about a rock concert on an airplane that somehow goes horribly wrong. It's running time is only ninety minutes, but this podcast runs two full hours because a special guest drops in in the form of Todd's roofer. Jason and Todd's roofer essentially fall in love, and leave Todd alone to fend for himself. Enjoy!"]]

[[:encoded, "White Comanche is a movie where William Shatner gets in fights with William Shatner, and one of them thinks he is Comanche for some dumb reason. What better way to celebrate the 50th episode of a podcast with a listenership in the low 20s? (That's numbers, not age.) Jason and Todd talk about a lot of stuff on this one, very little having to do with Comanches, regardless of t...

[[:encoded, "The Naked Cage was one of the last gasps of the subgenre of sexploitation known as \"women in prison films.\" After last episode's space walnuts, Todd thought it'd be nice to watch one of the most offensively exploitative films from the infamous Cannon Group of the 80s. Turns out a parade of naked ladies makes Jason and Todd fight less. Who knew?"]]

[[:encoded, "Message From Space is a Japanese Star Wars knock off that revolves around glowing space walnuts. Yeah, you read that right. In any event, Jason and Todd get into the usual aggravated left vs. left political diatribe, talk Star Wars rip off movies, and of course talk about old man ailments like tennis elbow. Whaddaya want for nothing? Grab them space walnuts and get ready for the...

[[:encoded, "Megaforce is a movie with dirtbikes, Barry Bostwick, and that old guy from Knight Rider. (And somebody from Xanadu, maybe.) Anyway, Jason and Todd talk about a lot of other stuff, like their newest fan who is in no way actually related to Todd, religious friends, and of course Henry Silva. Always Henry Silva. There is a new reading from the latest works of Colby, and most importa...

[[:encoded, "Death Machines is not a movie about trucks that kill people. It has karate or some damn thing. Doesn't matter, because the discussion is heated following Oscar night, someone calls someone else a racist, and Todd has too few Twitter followers, and maybe there is something about old Hercules movies in there somewhere. It's crazy."]]

[[:encoded, "Mutant is a zombie movie starring Wings Hauser, all-time favorite actor of both Jason and Todd. Rest assured that they still don't respect his performance, talking constantly while barely taking a breath. They touch on subjects like the work of Bo Hopkins, the healing effects of Dramamine, and the 45th president of the United States. (Numerologist alert: this is the 45th epi...

[[:encoded, "Virus is the name of a lot of movies, and the particular one these two fools watch is probably the worst of the bunch. And they are all pretty awful. This one is about the end of the world, and has weird rapey stuff all over it. Gross. Doesn't matter, though, because Jason is all worked up and has to get a ton of stuff off his chest. Also, Todd brings up French Stewart for s...

[[:encoded, "Arlington Road is a superbly acted thrilled marred by mixed messages about white liberal paranoia and homegrown terrorism. Doesn't matter, because Jason and Todd have to get through an obligatory, however measured, political discussion, and then turn to avoid reality by talking about...well, lousy films."]]

[[:encoded, "Rabid is David Cronenberg's take on zombies starring a 1970s adult film star. The excitement of this horror show riles up Jason, and he goes off on Canada, American politics, and Todd. Todd sits mostly quietly, pretending to listen, while secretly enjoying former Ivory Snow girl Marilyn Chambers acting chops. Happy Halloween, suckers!"]]

[[:encoded, "Poseidon is a remake of a movie that was an adventure. Doesn't matter, though, because Jason and Todd are back together in the same room and they have to discuss other stuff. Weirdly, they are both doing very well. They talk their lives and careers, which only possibly they could care about, as well as what's going on with the movies these days. Also, a cat knocks Jason...

[[:encoded, "The Big Trees is NOT a movie about a bunch of murderous trees seeking revenge on the human race. Instead, it is about strip logging. Even the good guys are strip loggers. It is really, really dumb. And Kirk Douglas never stops smiling. This movie is Jason's revenge for having to watch Ice Pirates. He doesn't just get revenge on Todd, but his whole damn family. It's...

[[:encoded, "The Ice Pirates is a dumb parody movie that Todd likes for some reason. Because Jason is in another state, Todd forces Jason to watch said Ice Pirates with friend of the show Susan Tankersley while he sits quietly by himself, chuckling about how much Jason is going to squirm through this one. Enjoy, folks!"]]