Jason and Todd Talk Through Lousy Films

[[:encoded, "Vivarium is a movie about two young beautiful people stuck in the suburbs because of nerdy aliens. It hits a little two close to home for Jason and Todd who, while perhaps not young and beautiful, are stuck in the suburbs. So they talk about Bill and Ted 3, TV movies of the week, and sending children to their deaths."]]

[[:encoded, "Double Jeopardy is a movie starring a lady whose career was killed by a Hollywood monster. Jason and Todd watch it for the second time in a row due to technical malfunctions, so really this is Double Double Jeopardy. Is double double jeopardy even legal? These guys do not care, and proceed to talk about movies from the fifties versus the eighties, VP picks, and the virtues of cho...

[[:encoded, "The Apple is a musical that involves an apple. It's really quite awful, and the Andersons are up at bat. Todd, Hilary and Colby take on\nthe challenge from Jason and Corey with what can only be described as difficulty. It takes a very long time for Hilary to make the penicillin, and while the conversation starts off with some\nthoughtful ruminations on art and music, it ulti...

[[:encoded, "Beyond the Door is a spaghetti rip-off of The Exorcist, and led to a huge lawsuit when it was an international hit at the box office. Jason and Corey rise to Todd's cruel challenge, and manage to talk through the entire dumb movie while staving off the threatening insanity that comes with quarantining in America. That's right. We just made your weekend."]]

[[:encoded, "Joni is a movie from 1979 about a woman who was paralyzed in a swimming accident, and it stars, was produced, and is based on the autobiography of Joni herself. For quarantine times, Jason has challenged Todd to watch this with his family, Hilary and Colby. It's kind of crazy, and halfway through the Andersons realize they are horrible monsters."]]

[[:encoded, "Spenser Confidential is a Marky-Mark Netflix movie show and we are in quarantine. Jason and Todd can't suffer with each other right now, so they are forcing their leading ladies to suffer their tangential yapping instead. We weren't going to stop hurting each other, you guys. This time, it's Jason and Corey!"]]

[[:encoded, "Wicked Woman is a movie about a really tall blonde lady who is...wicked, we guess? Jason and Todd hunker down to talk of film noir women, the grieving process, and Hal Holbrook. It's a lot to talk about during a movie with a very short running time. They even touch on overweight white people!"]]

[[:encoded, "Chill Factor is a movie with the tag line, \"Two guys, one bomb, and a whole lot of ice cream.\" It has Skeet Ulrich. There is also a UPS truck involved. It's hard to follow the dumb plot if you are incessantly talking about other movies, tragedies in Los Angeles, and feeling superior. So Jason and Todd get lost. They get really, really lost."]]

[[:encoded, "The Fanatic is a movie directed by that Limp Bizkit guy and starring that Scientology guy. Fitting that Jason and Todd should end 2019 by talking through one of the worst reviewed movies of 2019. They talk about Tarantino's latest, war movies, and even mention the movie Tiptoes again. Have a great holiday!"]]

[[:encoded, "Dragon Wars: D-War is a movie about a dragon war that Craig Robinson is heavily involved in for some reason. Todd and Jason talk about Godzilla movies, a bad experience Todd had seeing Parasite, and Jason's fucked up back. Dragons!"]]

[[:encoded, "The Manitou is an exorcist-type deal, but it isn't Christianity but Native American based, as portrayed by a number of actors who can't ever run for office. Jason and Todd spend the running time talking about Tony Curtis's weird hair, current B-movies Todd liked, and weird space alien movies where the alien is all rapey. No politics!"]]

[[:encoded, "Uninvited is a movie about a killer orange cat on a yacht with a confused George Kennedy. Jason loves this movie, as chosen by Todd, but that does not deter either of them from talking about impeachment, whining stand-up comics, and getting in car fights during drug deals gone bad. It's all you even wanted in a two hour podcast!"]]

[[:encoded, "8 Million Ways To Die is an eighties movie about an alcoholic cop played by Jeff Bridges, who has to deal with both Andy Garcia and the luminous Rosanna Arquette, but nowhere near 8 million possible deaths. Jason and Todd of course talk about alcoholic cop movies and try to construct a perfect triple feature, then talk about how genuinely horrible it is that Harvey Weinstein took...

[[:encoded, "1990: The Bronx Warriors is a spaghetti hybrid of Mad Max and The Warriors, has an angry Fred Williamson, and tons of crazy action. Jason and Todd take it all in while talking impeachment hearings, an old John Cusack movie, and the how one might handle being smarter than everyone else. Italy!"]]

[[:encoded, "Who? is not just a question, but also a movie. It stars Elliott Gould and a tinker tin man potential soldier spy. Most of it takes place in boardrooms. Or bored rooms? Anyway, it's perfect for Jason and Todd, because they love talking, whether it be in boardrooms or lounging on the daybed in Todd's office. It must be summertime! Anyway, mostly they talk about Us and old...

[[:encoded, "The Seventh Son is a movie about the seventh son of a seventh son, we guess, but it's really hard to understand a word Jeff Bridges is saying. Words you can understand are supplied by Jason and Todd, who talk about other bad movies that'd rather be watching and what an actual alien invasion would do to the political divide in the United States. Also, they talk about the...

[[:encoded, "Moonfire is a movie that at first seems to be about an astronaut who crashes his capsule on the Mexican ranch of a nazi living in hiding, but then it is really mostly about Charles Napier driving a big rig with no shirt on. Jason and Todd touch on the greatness of Napier, the genius of Andy Robinson who is not in this movie, and also the problem with shrinks who come from oversea...

[[:encoded, "Gender Bender is a gross-out comedy made by professional stand-up comics about the horrors faced by a group of men who wake up with vaginas. This one particularly gets under Jason's skin and he vows revenge, but still he feels guilty about not supporting Todd's career. Todd's plumbing is all messed up, so he is too numb with house owner consumer debt to feel anythi...

[[:encoded, "Cop is a movie with everyone's favorite right wingnut James Woods and it is grizzly and gross. Jason and Todd of course talk about the star's odd look, get distracted by Los Angeles locations, and try to figure out what the hell they're going to do if Trump gets his stupid wall. Happy New Year!"]]

[[:encoded, "Wild Things is an exploitative Floridian thriller about Matt Dillon committing sex crimes. Jason and Todd talk about real sex crimes, alligators, and play a fun new game called, \"What would you do?\" Also, they spread love and holiday cheer."]]

[[:encoded, "Performance is a weird movie directed by a recently dead guy about a gangster who switches places with Mick Jagger because he needs to know how much better it is to be a rock star than a gangster. One good example of that is that you don't have to pay for sex. Also, it doesn't matter because Jason and Todd don't call each other names this time, but instead spend a...

[[:encoded, "Performance is a weird movie made by a recently dead guy about an abhorrent gangster switching places with Mick Jagger, thus reinforcing the idea that it is always better to be Mick Jagger. Luckily, this doesn't lead Jason and Todd to start calling each other names because of politics, but instead leads to the boys exchanging weird, mostly anally oriented, sex stories. Also,...

[[:encoded, "Rolling Vengeance is a movie about a guy who gets revenge against a bunch of nazis led by Ned Beatty with a monster truck that looks like a giant toaster on wheels. Doesn't matter, though, because Jason and Todd have to get in their biggest fight to date, complete with petty name calling from both sides, about the state of current politics. If this doesn't exemplify wha...

[[:encoded, "The Suckling is a movie about an aborted fetus that comes back from being flushed into the sewers to get revenge. Also, it takes place in a brothel. It's awful, but who cares, Jason and Todd have to talk about politics."]]

[[:encoded, "The Last Resort is an oddly star-studded low budget eighties exploitation-ish sex comedy starring Charles Grodin. But who cares about that, can you believe this episode came out right after that last one? I mean, within minutes! Damn, Jason and Todd have come roaring back like a bad case of hemorrhoids."]]