It's Not About the Alcohol

How do you feel about yourself when you wake up and realize you did it again?   If you get hangxiety and shameovers after drinking, it's not your relationship with alcohol that needs to change. It's your relationship with yourself.    The performance-based, perfectionistic mindset that fuels your success in other areas of your life also drives you into a cycle of self-sabotage.   Because when you...

Have you considered that the inability to self-correct your drinking habits could be a sign of trauma?   Most high achieving professional women associate the word "trauma" with violence, sexual assault or emotional abuse and neglect, and assume they don't qualify because nothing "that bad" has ever happened to them.   Instead, they attribute their bad habits to a lack of discipline or motivation a...

Are you stuck in a job that doesn't fulfill you–but the thought of making a big career change feels impossible?   When your career isn't meeting your needs, it's easier to blame dissatisfaction and burnout on your own mental health issues.  Because you've invested so much time and energy to get where you are. Why can't you just be happy with what you have?   But feeling trapped and uninspired bloc...

How do your beliefs about money impact your sense of personal power?   When your life appears to be limited by finances, it's easy to blame your discomfort on your partner or chosen career instead of taking full responsibility for the choices you've made.   Even "successful" women are often victims of the patriarchal mindset that tells us we aren't capable of financial independence. We exchange ou...

Does the number on your scale have the power to make or break your day?   Most people think weighing themselves on a daily basis is the best way to hold themselves accountable and achieve their weight loss goals.    But checking your weight everyday is akin to holding yourself hostage. When the number doesn't match your expectations, disappointment and self-criticism lead to all types of self-sabo...

How often do you decide to have a single drink to take the edge off and end up getting completely wasted?   It sounds like a good idea because you're craving an escape and feel like you deserve to cut yourself some slack! But then you wake up to reality…feeling anxious, foggy, behind the ball and wondering why you can't stop once you start.   Today I'm sharing my personal experience with a recent...

Why is it that sometimes we can be hyper-focused and productive, yet at other times, the simplest tasks feel impossible?    High-achievers tend to fall into the trap of believing that pushing beyond our limits is the shortcut to getting what we want. And then beat ourselves up for being lazy or weak when we're actually just tired…because we're human.   Lynne Edris is host of the ADHD Support Talk...

Do you put on a brave face when you're struggling– conducting business as usual while juggling a million things even though you know something is deeply wrong? You may feel isolated, overwhelmed, nauseated, or even have panic attacks in the middle of the night.  But pushing through the symptoms of mental and emotional distress leads to breakdown. When you hear yourself say "I can't keep doing this...

How do you make sense of the fact that, even though you really do want to drink less, you keep making the same mistakes?   You know what you should do. But your brain is blocking your motivation with three sneaky obstacles: Using your past to predict your future, thinking 'I've failed before, so why should this time be any different.' Believing you don't have enough time, energy, or motivation to...

In this special bonus episode, Colleen interviews Susan Keller, author of the new book Mostly Sober: A Love Story and a Road Trip. Susan shares her personal journey of rethinking her relationship with alcohol, how she found her way into the mindful drinking movement, and why she wrote Mostly Sober, a groundbreaking novel for those who want to cut back on drinking without quitting entirely. In this...

Are you tired of feeling trapped in a cycle of emotional eating and self-criticism? Many high-achieving women believe that if they just had more willpower or stuck to stricter diets, they'd finally overcome their struggles with food and body image. But this relentless pursuit of perfection leaves you exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from your own needs—leading to stress, burnout, and an ev...

What happens when you're trying to "not drink" but your brain keeps pestering you to "just have one?"   Most of us put up a fight, trying to override intrusive thoughts with willpower and distractions.    But even if we're successful, it's exhausting. Which is why staying sober feels so hard and drinking feels like a relief.    You have to learn how to respond differently to intrusive thoughts if...

Has your relationship with your partner become a significant source of stress?   When you're unable to connect with the person who is supposed to be your safe place, the fight or flight response in your nervous system hijacks your brain.   Which causes you to exhaust your mental and emotional resources trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Because the alternative is terrifying…divorce would...

Is anxiety one of the main reasons why you crave alcohol? Because drinking is the simplest way to shut down your mind?   The problem for most high achieving women is they assume anxiety and productivity go hand in hand. So even after alcohol becomes an official problem, the idea of giving it up feels impossible.    But before you beat yourself up for not having an off-switch when you drink, you mi...

How do you respond when you hear yourself say, "I can't keep doing this?"   Most of us crack the whip and keep doing it. We beat ourselves up for being weak or undisciplined. And suppress the growing anxiety and overwhelm that's telling us something is wrong.    The harder we try, the more exhausted we get. The excitement and motivation that gave us the energy to keep going mutates into cynicism a...

Does your brain call bullshit on positive affirmations?   Today's topic was inspired by a client who is struggling with negative self-talk. Whenever she tries to tell herself, "I love you, I trust you, and I believe in you," the voice in her head screams, "No you don't!"   As a hard working mother and full time professional, she runs her ass off seven days a week trying to prove that she is capabl...

How do you respond when you're feeling overwhelmed and worried about everything happening in your life?   Most high-achievers think that success comes from the ability to perform under pressure. And while that's true, the mistake that leads to burnout is thinking you can't feel better until you get everything done (well), and everyone around you agrees with your decisions.   But that is literally...

If you're wondering whether or not it's really possible to become someone who has no desire to overdrink and therefore trusts herself completely with alcohol, I can tell you that it is. I have gone from being trapped in a cycle of heavy daily drinking for over 15 years to being able to enjoy drinking in moderation without worrying, counting or pacing myself.    But it's one thing to accomplish suc...

How often do you pour a drink that you wish you had the willpower to resist?   There's a big difference between knowing what you should do and having the motivation to follow through.    The mistake most people make when they want to cut back on their drinking is to use an all or nothing approach. Because it seems easier to avoid alcohol than to worry about that slippery slope of temptation.    Bu...

Are you a positive person feeling defeated by your drinking habit?   It's hard to feel optimistic when you're struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety due to overdrinking. Worrying feels like the responsible thing to do.    But if beating yourself up was an effective strategy against alcohol use disorder, your cravings for alcohol would disappear.    It's counterintuitive to let go of the sh...

EP130 Three skills to manage your mind so it works for you (instead of against you)   Are you tired of worrying about alcohol because no matter how hard you try to change, you always end up back in the same place?   The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But most people who are serious about cutting back on their alcohol consumption have a...

Do you have credit card debt or feel like you have to hide purchases from your partner?   Feeling bad about spending money triggers cycles of shame, overwhelm and uncertainty. Which often lead to excessive spending because heck, what's another thousand bucks on the card?   Most people assume that solving money problems requires money. So they work longer and harder to try and get ahead. Yet someho...

Do you feel stuck in your marriage and assume that life after divorce will only get worse?   The only reason most of us stay in relationships that have run their course is because we think that staying married is somehow easier than getting a divorce. We want to avoid the shame, blame and fear of being alone.   But your well-being does not depend on your decision to stay married or get a divorce....

Were you raised to believe that thoughts and feelings that don't align with your religious values are wrong and even "sinful?"   Many of us who grew up in church are in the habit of ignoring emotions that contradict what we've been taught to believe is "right."    But rejecting our emotions requires us to reject ourselves, leaving us fractured instead of whole . And the disconnect between our head...

Do you struggle to show up as your best self because you feel fat, tired and grumpy?   Most high achieving women diagnose themselves as lazy or bitchy when our bodies feel like "one more problem" we have to deal with. We push through our feelings and try harder to do better, but deep down wonder what is wrong with us.   But even if we're diagnosed with a legit hormone imbalance, medications can on...