It's All About Connection! NVC With Dr. B!

"Jackaling is using the language of blame as opposed to Nonviolent Communication which is known as Giraffe language, the giraffe is the symbol of NVC."  (00:23.7) " Sometimes it's painful to be in jack mode, but I also want people to note that the jackal can be very productive... Can be actually very helpful. We should embrace our jackals."  (03:32:7) "Can you just stay with that? The pain of it [...

Episode Notes WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking?  (01:14.4) "There's nothing passive about the WAIT process." (03:12.4) "Sometimes you're just like, you're at your wits end. You don't care anymore, you have no capacity to try to hear or take guesses about what's going on with the other, and that's when you go on and wait, and that's when you might wanna do some things, to be a...

And I do wanna go back to the first part of the role play when you didn't wanna go into any of the strategies with me, like the conversation... couldn't go any further. It was too triggering, and I want our listeners to know that probably what I would do in a couple of days before I met with Heather again would be that I... would I be in what's called WAIT.  We've talked about that in previous epi...

How do we tackle racism? That is a big question. That's a very big question, and my answer might not be something that people want to hear, but the first thing that comes to my mind is, can we stop calling it racism .  (01.57) The main point here is, if you really want to enact change, which is I think what the caller said, she wants to enact change, it starts with yourself, start to pay attention...

Key Points Discussed: "...{This episode is for people who may not be interested in NVC or know people who are resistant because they  have] ideas about it being really prescribed and it not seeming or feeling natural "(0:11:9) "...how do you convert someone... You don't convert someone, you model and you give empathy and yes, sometimes the empathy can be too much, especially early on when people a...

Key Points Discussed: "...what self-connection does, it gets you connected with what's there, which is what we tend to not want to do very often, pay attention, especially when there's some discomfort, and yet it can be very helpful ."(3:21) "So there's a lot of emphasis in NVC around meeting your need, well, this is a different way of meeting your needs, it's not necessarily like getting your nee...

We recorded Part 2 of this Episode first and then Heather was a bit triggered by the conversation and Dr. B. was also concerned that some folks might take offense to the "education" being offered during the program.  So, we followed what we teach and decided to record another Episode and give empathy to Heather (and, perhaps, our audience as well) on her upset about the conversation. Politics and...

Key Points Discussed: I wanna speak about connecting requests because they're revolutionary. I really do believe they are revolutionary, and partly why they are revolutionary is because we don't do them, they're just a whole new concept of what you do when you're in dialogue with someone in conflict.(2:00) "I'm wondering if you're open to hearing some of my thoughts on this..." is a connecting req...

Key Points Discussed: I've been training youth and community volunteers in the NVC process, and I'm getting ready to launch my business called The Bigbie Method to operationalize peace in America schools by using NVC as the backbone.(1:20) There's a lot of people that hear the term Non-Violent Communication and they think this isn't for me,  I'm not violent. When in fact, the term Non-Violent Comm...

 So I want to give you a little background on how we even came up with us. I want you to really meet my good friend and co-host, and my daughter from another mother, Heather. So what happened was Heather came over for dinner tonight, we were supposed to be talking about some podcast-related stuff, and what you need know about Heather is she meets my needs hugely for laughter and fun. In fact, she...

Key Points Discussed: I think many people venturing into NVC, just the name of it, Non-Violent Communication. I think some folks might think that means that there's no place for getting angry or there's no place for dropping the F-bomb, but that's not true, there is a place for it in NVC and it  happens to be during the WAIT period. (00.31) WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking?  In other words, be qui...

In this episode, Dr. B. and Heather  go over the difference between needs and strategies.  They discuss why it's important, in conflict, to first identify the needs in play and then move to solutions/strategies.  Most of us have a pattern of moving towards strategies as soon as a conflict arises.  Slowing down, hearing one another at the need level is key to moving towards connection - then strate...

How do you know something is a request?  Perhaps, we have been taught a bit wrong about  this because it's not necessarily how you say something and/or if it's preceded with "please."  There is more to it. Learn more about what makes a request a request and why it's so much better for connecting than a demand, listen in…   Additional Resources: Website:  https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: ...

What do we mean by empathy? For those people that are new to our podcasts and new to NVC, we mean presence, reflection, and taking guesses about the needs the person is trying to communicate. Non-Violent Communication is based on this idea that all conflict is a tragic expression of an unmet need, and by needs we mean things like love, courage, things everyone wants. Things like beauty, play, stab...

Giraffes are tall, so they have far vision, and when you're using the Non-Violent Communication process, you have to have a long vision. It's not about being right or wrong, good or bad, it's like this longer view of what you're wanting in life. This might seem corny to some, but it's the truth, it's very much based in love. Key Points Discussed: •   So with jackal out, somebody says something you...

The definition of connection that I like to use is that connection is the flow and ease that occurs within you and between people when they experience being seen, heard and valued without judgment.   Key Points Discussed: •  When we say things like, I feel manipulated, the person that is on the other side of that message is probably not going to see it very well because it's actually a judgment th...

The definition of connection that I like to use is that connection is the flow and ease that occurs within you and between people when they experience being seen, heard and valued without judgment. Key Points Discussed: When I'm teaching NVC, I like to bring up this difference between observations and evaluations and let people become very clear on them, and it's not necessary to make that distinc...

I'd say about 50% of our population is going to be really, really upset. There's something about that that does not sit right for me at all, I want the disconnection to go away, I'm mourning connection hugely. And I just think no matter what happens, we must figure out a way to move towards connection in our society. I think the root of a lot of our issues has to do with language. Key Points Discu...

People tend to have a typical way that they respond in circumstances, we call this in NVC, other conversational responses. Here are a list of them; there's giving advice, consoling, relating one-upping, if you're in the fight, you might use other conversational responses like blaming, judging, correcting, explaining. We also do things in general, claiming playing devil's advocate, sarcastic humor,...

Key Points Discussed: Empathy process is the backbone of NVC, and I hesitate to even use the term empathy because most people, when they hear empathy, they think they know what empathy is, and empathy in non-violent communication is different than how people think of empathy. (2:38) And truth be told, most of us are not present with one another, our minds are often lost and never, never land, espe...

The ACE Study is from the early 1990s, where they sampled about 17,000 people, having them take a survey that asked them, "From the ages of 0 to 17, how many of these things happened to you?" And they listed out 10 indicators things like sexual abuse, physical abuse, did you grow up in a household where there was mental illness, did you grow up in a household where there was drug abuse, did you gr...

Key Points Discussed: Some people when they hear non-violent communication, they're turned off right from the get-go because they're thinking, well, I'm not violent with my communication, and non-violent communication came out of Gandhi's understanding of non-violence., and this idea that anything that disconnects us from another human being is a form of violence. (0:58) It's an extreme form, obvi...

Key Points Discussed: The folks in Washington that were running the whole thing, they wanted those of us on the forefront to do peace differently, because they had said back in the 60s, when people were trying to make peace come about, they were kind of often out of integrity with the piece that they wanted to bring. (1:43) And a note, mind you, this had not even been 24 hours to receive that said...

Key Points Discussed:  I've been training youth and community volunteers in the NVC process, and I'm getting ready to launch my business called The Bigbie Method to operationalize peace in America schools by using NVC as the backbone.(1:20) There's a lot of people that hear the term Non-Violent Communication and they think this isn't for me,  I'm not violent. When in fact, the term Non-Violent Com...