Is It Wet?

“This isn’t freedom, this is pandorum!” Interstellar mutants, Sophie and Caitlin, are violently awakened from cryo-sleep into the grimy, oily science fiction horror, Pandorum (2009).They are joined by local space madness expert and friend of the pod, Pat Mara. Episode may contain explicit references to Cam Gigandet.

"The rich have always sucked off low-class shit like you.” In perhaps their wettest episode yet, flesh-melding, organ-sucking socialites, Sophie and Caitlin, take on the satirical body horror film, Society (1989). Eat the rich before it’s too late!

“I’ve just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach.” Rotting, cockroach-filled alien meat bags, Sophie and Caitlin, take a wacky 90’s ride in the slimy galaxy of the science fiction action comedy, Men in Black (1997).

“Oh! You are sick!” After our hiatus from being stuck in a radiator for a year, WE’RE BACK and wetter than ever! Chickens ooze and mouth sperm abound as interplanetary barnacle men, Sophie and Caitlin, take care of the sick, wheezing, and weird baby that is David Lynch’s debut surrealist classic, Eraserhead (1977).

“I have confirmed that he's got an outer layer of protein polysaccharides.” On a quarantine-breaking, chest-bursting season 2 finale, space miners, Sophie and Caitlin, put on unfathomably tiny underwear and hunt down Ridley Scott’s science fiction horror classic, Alien (1979). Bask in the peak wetness of milk-filled robots, lubed-up xenomorph teeth, and all the spaceship rain water (?) you can dri...

“I'm just gonna go with it, okay? Can't cheat on your fiancée with a dead girl, right?” In order to make their quota of souls for Davy Jones, sexy Italian ghosts, Sophie and Caitlin, spend the night in the creaky, rusted-out hull of the 2002 supernatural horror film, Ghost Ship . On the Ghost Ship Lollipop it’s a sweet trip to HELL!

“You have more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars have in their whole body.” In a very horny, vehicular double-feature, sleek, streamlined, speed machines, Sophie and Caitlin, find themselves violently thrust into the erotic, chrome reverie of both David Cronenberg’s Crash (1996) and Pixar’s equally depraved Cars (2006). Amen, Ka-chow, and may God forgive us for what we are about to do.

“Man, I love being a turtle!” 30-something, sewer-dwelling, pizza-loving dudes with white belts in Karate, Sophie and Caitlin, slide shell-first into the tubular, extremely ‘90s sludge of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991). Coincidentally, the secret of this podcast? Also ooze!

“The whole pod went into your hole!” Psychedelic, amphibian-based game developers, Sophie and Caitlin, stumble around together and get their bioports plugged into the pulsating, glopping head-trip of David Cronenberg’s eXistenZ (1999) . We return to Cronenberg’s work and its timely themes of bodily autonomy and the horrors that come when trying to constrain The Flesh, this time older, wiser, and w...

“What are you doing this time, computer boy?” It’s Black Mirror meets B*witched as neurotic AIs, Sophie and Caitlin, hang up the phone and dial into the horrifying feminist parable of the 1999 Disney Channel Original Movie, Smart House. They are joined by their friend, Y2K DCOM scholar, and IMDB savant, Aseem Kulkarni.

“You think you’re so cool cuz you can pee with your penis.” Time-Traveler’s-Wives and body-swapping teens, rejoice! Caitlin and Sophie enter the Schneiderverse with guest comedian, tarot reader, and all-around creative, Antonio Morales to discuss the 2002 comedy, The Hot Chick. You’ll learn to be a better person through the power of a bag full of nachos, split-second Michelle Branch cameos, and pl...

“I know you want me so bad it’s like acid in your mouth.”  It’s a 50-year storm, baby, and FBI agents-turned-anarchist surfers, Sophie and Caitlin, take a leap of faith and brotherhood into the transcendental, shimmering wake of Kathryn Bigelow’s magnum opus action film, Point Break (1991) . Vaya con wetness, listeners.

“I just came through your jump scar.” Globe-hopping, nihilist condominium owners, Sophie and Caitlin, get yanked into the leathery, flight world of the sci-fi action film, Jumper (2008) .

“Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.” Limey, heart-pounding hitmen with hearts of gold, Sophie and Caitlin, try to keep their adrenaline pumping long enough to survive the sweaty whiplash of the 2006 action film, Crank.

“Welcome to hell. Now, recreate the soup.” Anthropomorphic, gastronomically-inclined rodents, Sophie and Caitlin, feast all their senses on the weird, bubbling sewer of the animated body horror classic, Pixar’s Ratatouille (2007). Our deepest condolences to all our zillennial listeners, for whom this movie is for some reason their Shrek .

“Mud is still mud no matter how small you are.” Nearly microscopic, reluctant neighbors, Sophie and Caitlin, traverse the muddy, bizarre backyard of the 1989 science fiction comedy classic, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Prepare for child gods, the 80’s Moranis Panic, and the podcast being ¼ inch smaller than it usually is.

“If my best friend keeps his farts from me, what else Is he hiding from me? And why does that thought make me feel so alone?” Flatulent, shipwrecked comrades, Sophie and Caitlin, are joined once again by fellow comedian and Outlander superfan, Marisa, as they ride the gaseous corpse of the 2016 surreal comedy, Swiss Army Man. You can follow Marisa on twitter @mj_borregine but, again, NOT if you’re...

“We thought you was a toad!” Dusty, crooning fugitives from all things dry, Sophie and Caitlin, get flooded by the greasy, sepia-toned deluge of the Coen Brothers’ O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) Spoilers for Homer’s The Odyssey, the love letters of James Joyce, and the series finale of Supernatural.

“ You know, I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck.” Freeballing, poet-warriors, Sophie and Caitlin, sweep their eyeballs off the floor and get their throats– and hearts –ripped out by the pinnacle of cinematic achievement and Sam Elliot-based eroticism: Road House (1989).

“ A magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan, bedazzlement, a sensual ravishment!” It’s the turn of the wet century and consumptive courtesans, Sophie and Caitlin, drip diamonds and bloody handkerchiefs during a glitzy, bohemian night at the Moulin Rouge (2001).

“ I have seen a security hologram of him...killing younglings.” On a special, CGI-heavy Valentine’s Day, Generally Grievous Sith masterminds, Sophie and Caitlin, get swallowed into the roiling magma of George Lucas’ mind before being stuffed into the sleek, sweaty melodrama of the greatest installment of the Star Wars saga: Revenge of the Sith (2005)*. This episode is great if you too enjoy starin...

“ Do you make sweaters, or do you kill people?” Textile-based assassins, Sophie and Caitlin, elevate their heart rates, sweat blood, and bend bullets in an attempt to understand the waxy, dripping meat locker of the 2008 action thriller, Wanted, and TAKE BACK CONTROL OF THEIR LIFE! Now what the fuck have you done lately?

“Let’s shampoo us some aliens!” Hapless, goo-soaked adjunct professors, Sophie and Caitlin, don their periodic table merch and plumb the tacky, oozing sphincter that is the 2001 comic science fiction film, Evolution.

“A world without string is chaos.” Hapless, slapstick house-flippers, Sophie and Caitlin, slide their jacuzzi tub into the turbid, spring-loaded trap of the 1997 dark comedy, Mouse Hunt.

“I’ll kill you with my teacup.” It’s a Fast & Furyan race against the sun as glistening Necromongers, Sophie and Caitlin, enjoy the acidic wit of sweaty maverick, Richard B. Riddick, and the slick shtick and space politics of the Chronicles of Riddick (2004).