INSTANT EXPERTS - the latest news, explained by idiots

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: WTF?! Trump says Middle East at peace but the Midwest a Warzone! Pam Bondi treats the Constitution like Kristi Noem treats dogs - with a bullet in the brain! US Government shutdown continues! - Except for steroid-addled Masked Childcatchers keeping the streets safe from priests, fry cooks and gardeners A...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: DefSec Hegseth cracks down! A Gubernatorial candidate steps down! Hamas might back down! As The Honk preps for WWE's Perth smackdown! Also in this week's Ep of Australia’s 47th favourite comedy podcast: Cheating drunk Pete Hegseth gives professionalism lecture to 800 officers who outrank him He...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:     1.    Trump links Tylenol to autism - Doctors link RFK Jr to aneurism     2.    Trump assures all United Nations: “ICE has a jailcell for every Wetback here!”     3.    Border Czar Tom Homan rounds up $50,000 and detains it in his pocket     4.    And, Henry enjoys The Middle Age Payrise for one glor...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: President congratulates Jimmy Kimmel on 22 hit years - "Guards, seize him!!" FBI Boss Kash Patel can't find own arse - "Right after I got it handed to me by Congress, too!" Robert Redford's passing met with outpour of grief, fluids - "Gee his acting hit my spot!" s...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Stroke victim, stroke lover Donald J Trump denies signing Epstein Birthday Book - “It must've been the Autopen!” Charlie Kirk shot dead in Utah - Second Amendment 1, First Amendment 0 Russia downplays sending drones into Poland - "When have we EVER invaded Poland, apart from 981, 1013, 1017, 10...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Chairman Dan defends Beijing trip - “It’s in the national interest! Of China" Rep Marjorie Taylor Greene tries flattery to get Files released - "Every American wants to read your biography, Mr President"  Trump scotches rumours - "I'm only dead on the inside" And in sport He...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Taylor & Travis: So Happy! - Every other longtime BF on earth: so f*cked! Aussie PM boots Iran Ambassador over local terror attacks - 'I knew he was trouble when he walked in!' Anti-Hero Vice Prostate BJ Vance tells Ukraine, Crimea - 'You are never ever getting back together!'  Pl...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Trump leaves Alaska empty-handed - ARE HIS HANDS JUST TOO TINY? Ghislaine Maxwell on Epstein: “There's nothing to see here” - AND WHO COULD DOUBT A SEX TRAFFICKER? California Gov. Gavin Newsom Trumps Trump in Trumpanese - ALL HIS TROLLING IN UPPERCASE & EXCLAMATION MARKS IS SO UN-PRESIDENTIAL!!! Plus, onc...

Send us a text here! "Hiatuses are for P*ssies!", said our great current President (not really, he only uses words he invented, like 'equalise' and 'grocery'). Still, like a woketard Smithsonian exhibit showing slavery actually happened, our hiatus this weekend is cancelled on account of the sheer number of Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons invading our inboxes from all ove...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Don and Vlad anchor down in Anchorage - and a Peace Prize, BJ and TACO are on the menu! JD Vance Ushas more water into Ohio River - while Erik the Viking pines in Nagorno-Karabakh, Azerbaijan! It's Marjorie Taylor Greene v Laura Loomer for the Women's Borderline Personality Disorder Title - proudly spons...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Trump sh*ts pants then sh**ts messenger after dud US Jobs Report - Even BJ Vance's b-jobs are going down! Danish zoo shocks world by feeding pets to its carnivores - The Asiatic Lion loves eating dog, The European Lynx loves eating pussy! Aussie state of Tasmania on a knife's edge after 12th election thi...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Hulk Hogan is dead. But don’t count him out just yet!  Jeffrey Epstein is dead. But like The Hulkster he’s coming back! And Trump's going down like The Iron Sheik, Andre the Giant & Macho Man Randy Savage! Sydney Sweeney comes off the top rope in her great jeans! But so does Inner West Karen - a...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Coldplaygate CEO Andy Byron updates Astronomer's HR Policy - 2-Way Office A*al is in!  Trump covers up Epstein Files like he covers up his doodles - with his signature "Obama faked Russian interference in 2016 election" says Trump, from Russia, in Russian Plus, Wests Tigers go viral as NRL incompete...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons Who Are All 100% Innocent:  Australia finally gets a world-class crook, f*ckwit & moron all its own - Mark Latham, take a huge bow! (but on yourself, thanks) The Epstein Files just keep on giving if only they existed which they DO NOT! Grandpa Trump thinks he won the FIFA Club World Cup Plus, the Aussie Cricket...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons not on The Jeffrey Epstein Client List which doesn't exist, ok?: The Poison Mushroom Murder Verdict - What if it was The Patriarchy all along? The Texas Floods Disaster - Kids died but we saved money, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) had a weekend of Greek, plus the word 'BLAME' IS FOR LOSERS! The Jeff...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:  Diddy Do It, or Diddy Not? Our long-awaited verdict on the Puff Daddy Trial Australia's Poison Mushroom Murder Case - Still no word from Prosecutors after plea deal lunch at accused's place Jeff Bezos' One-Click Wedding! - Please no naked flame near Lauren Sanchez Origin III: Decider! Can Hornsby H...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:  Trump drops the F-Bomb, and finally - if briefly - makes sense  The Honk proposes Middle East Peace, the WWE way  In Sport - it's The Attack of the Killer Lunchbox Plus TRUMP'S REVIEW OF INSTANT EXPERTS! And so much more! - NATO's 'Mad' Rutte's Daddy fetish! Inner West Karen: back to...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Your Place or Mine? Israel, Iran trade sleepovers as the love affair continues Trump’s Birthday Parade Fizzles - To Rapturous Applause 'Save the Illegal Immigrants!' - Who I deported (Also Trump) And so very much more! Like Henry at Lord’s for the cricket with Mick Jagger, The Williams of Orange and Our...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Straight Intta Compton! ICE raids L.A. - And turns a whiter shade of pale Israel and Iran's Explosive Love Affair Continues - Will they finally get a room? Music legend Sly Stone takes his bat, his ball & Brian Wilson back to the Everlasting Pavilion And so much more! Like the hairy-headed gent, who ran a...

Send us a text here! Live from Lord's cricket ground in London - *We're* the Crooks, F*ckwits & Morons, as we explain our next episode won't be out this Saturday Aussie time as normal, but rather at the special new time of Sunday (Australian Eastern Standard Time). Everything else will be the same: the mistakes, the apologies for last week's mistakes, the appalling language...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Freedom Fighter Vlod skewers commie thug Vlad right in the Urethral Meatus! Urethral Meatus Musk skewers commie stooge Trump right in the pork barrel! Moronic Marjorie Taylor Greene declares war on rival vegetables!  Cricket-Loving Henry Lee turns scalper as other fans' dreams turns to Ashes! Plus Getting thr...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Coalition coalesces after a week of frantic self-discovery by Nats and Libs US House Republicans pass signature bills “Lock up the Chicos”, “Would You Like A Pardon With That?” and “Death to the Poor!” Aussie maths genius Terence Tao in shock cage match with Henry VII and WWE's Rhea Ripley And so much more! I...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: Randy Aussie Nationals tell dud root Liberals they want to see third parties (aka Libs don’t go with Nats at Sussan) Habeas shot in the Corpus by dog-killer Kristi Gnome Donald Trump Jr has stage 5 stupid and it’s terminal  And so much more! Including The Honk’s own surprise Presidential push, Wests Tige...

Send us a text here! In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: It's leg day AND chest day as the US Constitution gets an all over workout The last Australian Liberal Party MP narrowly elects herself leader Our beloved Wests Tigers footy team fake their Premiership credentials Plus Erik The Viking's beautiful message to us, Ghana's slightly less beauti...

Send us a text here! In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons: American Cardinal pips Filipino Singer for World’s Biggest Hat Aussie PM enjoys biggest election win since Pope Sixtus VI India plays Pakistan, but not at cricket - and an Englishman is to blame  And so much more! - including The Honk’s birthday musings, Henry’s electoral exclusion and Mexico’s regards to Trump’s...