In Oeuvre Our Heads

MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY LIFE DAY! We hope you are all safe and happy on your home planets watching your Jefferson Starship holotapes with family and friends. Happy Life Day... and we do mean Happy Life Day. Edited by Zach. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach

Heeeelllloooooo and welcome to an all new show! Now that we've finished watching terrible movies for a solid year-and-a-half, we thought it would be nice to sit back, relax, and... *checks notes*... start a whole new show about bad movies!? At least this time we're pretty sure that we're gonna like some of these. This episode is about the Super Mario Bros movie (no, not that one). Trust the fungus...

Wow aren't you lucky, two episodes back to back. That's what happens when we build up this rich back catalogue by not releasing anything for like 5 months. Not really fighting the abandoned podcast allegations... We made it... Did you think we would make it? I don't think we were even sure we would make it. But we made it! Edited by Zach. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer...

Guiseppi Gasagna is back and he is back with a vengeance! Follow along as he tortures us one last time on our encyclopedic knowledge of Steven Seagal and his many terrible movies. There are no winners, only losers, but we're battling to see who loses the least! Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts o...

You've stuck with us for 49 episodes over nearly 2 years, and for 49 episodes we've talked about the long awaited sequel to 1988's Above The Law. We're finally here, and boy-oh-boy is it disappointing and anticlimactic. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to b...

Sorry this one is a week late, but Bad Boys: Ride or Die came out last week so I had to catch that... and I also kinda just didn't feel like sitting down to edit it, ya know? We're 48 deep here and lemme tell ya, it ain't getting any easier. What is there to even say about General Commander (2019)... not sure but we somehow managed to talk about it for like an hour. Almost there. I'm seeing the li...

We found it. We finally found it... the Platonic form of Seagal movies. If you ever wanted to see the Seagal-iest Seagal movie ever made (which you don't), look no further. This thing has got everything! Life advice delivered via fist fight, Seagal doing Eastern medicine, ambiguous magic which is both central to the plot and possibly nonexistent, and much, much more! Come listen to us talk about i...

What can I say about China Salesman? It's all in the title. You might ask yourself then, what do Steven Seagal and Mike Tyson, the front-runners on the poster, have to do with the China Salesman? Well the answer is easy. Nothing. Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any o...

This episode may look slightly long but a full ten or eleven minutes of that runtime consist of a discussion surrounding Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). That discussion mostly just being Zach and Aaron shouting different Fury Road quotes at each other next to a vaguely bemused Hans. This Cartels movie has it all: gunfights, interrogations, betrayals, comedy relief side characters. Is any of it good......

Yeah, yeah, Seagal made a movie in which he plays a fascist and the movie somehow does not comment on fascism in any way. It's exactly as fun and interesting as Bladerunner would have been if it weren't directed by Ridley Scott and if the budget were $12. Most pressing, however, is discovering which of us is the podcast's Brad Pitt. Edited by Aaron. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach...

He's on a contract alright, but not to kill. Will that stop him from killing anyway? Definitely not. Does that ruin the whole plan? Absolutely. Is the whole experience as dull and boring as it is frustrating and infuriating? You betcha. Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal no...

I'm gonna be 100% pure uncut completely honest with you; even after watching this movie and talking about it and listening to all of that again while editing the episode, at the time I'm writing these show notes I don't think I could tell you much of anything about this movie. It's that forgettable. At least we had friend of the show Josh Rosa on as a guest to help flesh out the Steven See-It-All...

In this week's episode we spend a little bit of time discussing, as Aaron puts it, "Bonnie and Clyde but BORING" and the rest of the time is either spent discussing other terrible movies or talking about Batman. Essentially a good overview of the quintessential American male interaction in the 21st century; for any future anthropologists who are listening. Do we ever figure out what exactly it is...

It happened. It finally happened. We knew it would happen sooner or later, and if I'm honest, it took longer than I thought it would. But this one broke me. I never knew just how far downhill we could go. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career...

This week we discuss Seagal's take on the Punisher... dang... I could be watching The Punisher instead of this... Remarkably there's an almost Jackie Chan-inspired shootout where the main character has to defend himself while stuck sitting in a chair the entire time and it somehow isn't Seagal doing this. They gotta be jerking our chains at this point. We also speculate that maybe this movie kind...

INT. WRITER'S ROOM - DAY A group of men are gathered around a table, discussing a pitch for a new action movie. They speak in hushed tones, as if fearing to be overheard. One of them lights a cigarette indoors. BYRON MANN [ Star ] So, I'm actually the star this time, right? KEONI WAXMAN [Director] (Nervously) Yeah, alongside Vinnie Jones as the villain. We just have to keep things under wraps unti...

We're back, and we're 'bout to snatch every mother****** birthday. If you can figure that one out, please let us know because we sure can't. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about his many very, ver...

Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, and Bren Foster headline a movie that for some reason claims to star Steven Seagal. Seagal plays a mob boss who sells out his best man to his rival for some reason, despite the fact that he knows his rival set up the guy and the rival is trying to muscle in on Seagal's turf... but Seagal is also trying to retire from the mob life anyway so what's even the point of anythin...

This week in the ring we have crowd favorite(?) Steven Frederick Seagal! But wait, who's this??? It's... ~glass shatters~ Stone Cold Steve Austin!? He's coming off the top turnbuckle to deliver (what should have been) quite the show here tonight, folks (but wasn't). You're not gonna wanna miss this one, wrestling fans! Content warning: Brief discussion of sexual violence as depicted in the movie E...

Zach and Aaron get a chance to put their respective master's degrees to work while Hans gives his gut feel. Who is right and who is wrong? The answer probably won't shock you, but listen anyway! If this one sounds like it was an editing mess, that's because it was. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous ac...

What if another actor basically tried to do the same shtick as Seagal, but better in every way? And also that actor was Danny Trejo; star of Desperado (1995) , Con Air (1997) , and author of cookbook Trejos Tacos (2020) . Well you'd get a pretty fun movie with plenty of gory action, cheesy one-liners, and a genuine celebration of Mexican-American culture. This one is gonna really through off the c...

Sergey, a car thief and son of a Russian mob kingpin is caught in the crossfire! After rescuing a young woman kidnapped by a rival mob, he must see her to safety, rescue her uncle from human traffickers, and uncover the dastardly plot which has them at its center. Can he survive the gangs, the crooked cops, and his demanding father while also getting the girl? Oh also Seagal is here, trying very d...

Have you ever wanted to watch two inexplicably and entirely different 20 minute movies separated by about 50 minutes of meaningless filler where neither the start or end have anything to do with each other, all wrapped up in the same rage-inducing mess of a film experience? Yeah, neither did we. Edited by Hans. Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron , Hans , and Zach Disclaimer: We do not endorse Steven S...

Happy All Hallows' Eve, dear listener. We have a delightfully spooOOoooOOOooOOOoooky episode for you today. This week we talk about a low budget "crime" ""thriller"" where Steven Seagal is lowers shades Driven to Kill . I guess. He kinda seems ready to kill anyone who even looks at him a little funny right from the start. If this movie starts and the first 3 minutes or so really speak to you and h...

In this week's episode (a few days late, sorry), Steven Seagal... does nothing of note really; he's barely in this one. Instead, a ragtag band of idiots attempt to escape what appears to be the world's largest hospital during a vampire (zombie?) apocalypse. The generator is failing and if they're not out before sunrise, they'll be obliterated along with the zombies (vampires?). They're in a race.....