If You Would’ve Told Me

This week we're talking fitness, birthday cake, creepy exes, and some of the wildest dating stories we've ever heard. Emily starts a new boot camp, Joe discovers the perfect birthday cake recommendation, and then things take a turn when a woman allegedly sends her ex over 1,800 lemons... leading to Canada's first psychological warfare case. We also share our own experiences with exes w...

Joe is back from Atlantis with stories about dolphins, lazy rivers, snorkeling adventures, and resort prices that should probably require a second mortgage. Emily plans a series of "Mommy-Ava" getaways while both hosts discuss burgers, summer weight gain, terrible stage photos, and the struggle of watching yourself online. Then they dive into the viral podcast clip that sparked millions...

Joe and Emily spiral through high school memories, TikTok trends, book obsessions, and whether a great ending can save a mediocre novel. They debate face tattoos in the workplace, mourn the death of Blockbuster nights, talk baldness and hair experiments, react to a man refusing to work because he “never asked to be born,” and somehow end up designing Joe’s dream Key West chicken tattoo while discu...

In this episode, Joe and Emily react to being called “ableist” over their audiobook take—and try to figure out how the internet heard something they definitely didn’t say. From there, things spiral (as usual) into a heated debate about Central Jersey, pork roll etiquette, and why you should never try your first one at Wawa. Joe shares a wild stand-up story involving a heckler named “Bubbles” that...

We dive into some of the most unhinged news stories we’ve ever covered. From a woman getting revenge on her ex by signing him up for  88 marathons , to the discovery of  cocaine in sharks , to a Florida woman declaring herself the  “Squirrel Queen”…  yeah, this one goes off the rails fast. Along the way, we somehow get into the difference between men and women, why women might need more sleep, “gi...

This week, we accidentally turned into a book club… and then immediately spiraled into chaos. Joe and Emily catch up after a short break, talk birthdays, and realize they both set the same goal to read 12 books this year—leading to a surprisingly deep (and hilarious) conversation about books, audiobooks, and getting tricked into reading something VERY unexpected. Then things take a turn. We break...

This episode starts with a ridiculous “scream with no air” challenge and somehow turns into a deep dive on anxiety, panic attacks, creativity, spirituality, and whether we actually create our thoughts — or just receive them. Joe and Emily talk about: • Being anxious about getting anxious • Déjà vu and intuition • Panic attacks on stage • Addiction, self-awareness, and emotional growth • Bombing vs...

This week on  If You Would’ve Told Me , we dive into the  Super Bowl halftime show that had everyone talking  — Bad Bunny! 🐰 From the viral memes, internet outrage, and political hot takes to flags, cultural pride, and representation for Puerto Rican and Latinx communities, we break down why this performance was so impactful. But we don’t stop there — we also share our  Super Bowl stories : Patri...

This episode starts with cantaloupe hate and somehow ends with a woman marrying AI — and honestly, it all makes sense by the end. Joe and Emily riff on edible arrangements, candy nostalgia, and disastrous movie-theater first dates (including a near-death Milk Duds incident). Things take a turn into pure chaos with stories from Joe’s days working at a mom-and-pop video store — complete with a porn...

This week, Joe and Emily do what they do best: start recording before they realize they’re recording and let the conversation go wherever it wants. They debate coffee vs tea, spiral over why drip coffee is disappearing, and assign themselves questionable caffeine homework. Things take a turn into absurdity with invisible art selling for $18,000, silent comedy shows, naked stand-up, and why comedy...

Happy 2026!  We’re back for the first episode of the year, and we’re getting intentional. We dive deep into the fine line between  Anxiety vs. Intuition —discussing therapy breakthroughs, why journaling streaks are overrated, and how to actually feel "content" in the new year. But it’s not all deep talk. We’re also breaking down the hilarious reality of "wellness culture," from Staten Island-style...

We’re back from a short break and things get weird fast. We talk weird food (including deer heart and peanut butter crimes), anxiety coping habits, trusting your gut, and why “that’s just who I am” isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. Along the way, we spiral into flying rituals, shopping anxiety, mental health accountability, holiday hot takes, and somehow uncover whatever  Goober Nutter  is. Funny,...

This week, Joe and Emily dive into the wild world of modern slang — from Gen Alpha kids shouting “6–7” for no reason to grown adults still saying “dope,” “fire,” and every phrase that instantly makes us feel forty years older. They break down the slang they grew up with, the slang kids use now, and the words nobody our age should be saying anymore. Along the way, things spiral into mall nostalgia,...

We kick off with the strangest headline yet —  Bananas in Pyjamas  held for ransom by the Russian mafia — and somehow end up talking Scotland travel plans, ancient clan drama, surprise DNA results, and bald men getting kissed for science. 🍌 Just another normal day on  If You Would’ve Told Me.

Things get weird fast in Episode 2! 🎉 Joe and Emily start off swapping stories about writing, poetry, and old photo albums… and somehow end up discussing poop-themed restaurants, modern-day plague cases, and rats that love jazz. 🐀🎷 Along the way, they laugh through nostalgia, bad technology, and bizarre headlines that only this podcast could tie together. It’s equal parts hilarious, gross, and...

🎙️ Episode 1: “Easy There, Eagle Eyes” Season 2 kicks off with Joe and Emily catching up after summer break — and of course, the conversation goes everywhere. From the chaos of world headlines to the magic of aquariums, Disney trips, and summer comedy shows, they find humor in everything… even Joe’s “eagle eyes” moment that turned into a fender-bender. They also talk about trusting experts vs. the...

It’s the Season 1 finale! Joe and Emily wrap up 23 episodes with a little bit of everything: Emily’s Iceland trip (trolls, puffins, and strict moss laws), a 400-year-old shark nicknamed Norma, and the bizarre story of a passenger who died mid-flight… only for their body to go missing. We also dive into the science of “three-parent babies,” the quirks of comedy audiences, and the eternal debate bet...

Joe and Emily take a ChatGPT-fueled trip through what makes New Jersey famous. We debate accents, argue about skorts, and dive into the weirdest news stories - including dog pee drug tests, pole dancing military wives, and the horror movie idea you never knew you needed. It’s Brutal & Beautiful, Jersey style. 🎧 Subscribe & Listen now Email us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.com Please Follow, Rate, & Review...

Joe and Emily ask ChatGPT what it knows about their podcast, dive into the weird world of AI therapy, and unpack foodie calls, bro code drama, and TSA crotch scans. Plus, going viral for the wrong reasons, handling trolls, and why unsolicited robot validation might be all we need. 🎧 Subscribe & Listen now Email us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.com Please Follow, Rate, & Review! Full video availabl...

Joe and Emily go from bald heads to betrayal bombs — literally. Joe shares how he lost his hair, got his mole flicked at Dunkin’ Donuts, and embraced the bald life. Emily opens up about her undercut era, bad haircuts, and questionable dye jobs. Then they dive into a viral cheating callout at a birthday party, TikTok scandals, and the weirdest stuff Americans do (like dipping pizza in ranch). Plus:...

Would you move to a remote island for €84K? Joe and Emily explore real relocation offers from around the world—then spiral into hilarious fast food rankings 🍔, a $4,000 Dumb Dumb lollipop disaster 🍭, and why White Castle might cause mild depression 😅. Also in this episode: 🎨 Bob Ross documentaries & true crime 📚 Classic literature that actually woos people 🎤 The 30-minute stand-up specia...

This week on If You Would’ve Told Me, Joe and Emily dive into “Would You Rather,” play a few rounds of F, Marry, Kill, and discuss whether two comedians dating is a good idea—or a disaster waiting to happen. We also unpack the internet’s favorite overused line: “And I felt that.” 🎧 Subscribe & Listen now Email us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.com Please Follow, Rate, & Review! Full video available...

This week on If You Would’ve Told Me, Joe and Emily talk weird animal facts like Orca whales and their fishy fashion sense, milking cockroaches, and stories about gambling losses and bombing on stage. It’s a wild mix of laughs, cringe, and random knowledge you didn’t know you needed.🎧 Subscribe & Listen nowEmail us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.comPlease Follow, Rate, & Review! Full video availabl...

This week on  If You Would’ve Told Me , Joe and Emily talk therapy, relationships, and how do you know when you've met “The One”? Sometimes… ya just know. 🎧 Subscribe & Listen now Email us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.com Please Follow, Rate, & Review! Full video available on Spotify & YouTube Follow @ ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@ifyouwouldvetoldme⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/ifyouwouldvetol...

In this episode, we revisit the Netflix doc  The Tinder Swindler and explore the question: Should you ever loan someone money in a relationship? Where's the line between trust and manipulation? We also discuss writing and developing ideas. Join us for a candid conversation on love, red flags, and the power of putting pen to paper. 🎧 Subscribe & Listen now Email us at ifyoutoldme@gmail.com Ple...