I Woke Up This Gay

Today's youth have it very rough, but it's not hopeless. Many generations of Americans inherited a broken world—and a responsibility to fix it. So put on your big boy, you big girl and your big transgender pants, suck it up, stop complaining and let's get to work. Drawing on firsthand experiences and hard-won victories hof an AIDS survivor, anti-gay violence survivor, LGBTQ+ political...

Generations of LGBTQ+ people grew up searching for the elders who never came. In this powerful Pride episode, Stuart Merrill and Adaline Reid explore the legacy of AIDS, queer isolation, and the healing power of chosen family.

This is not a regular episode. It is an open letter to the Oregon Safer Workers Coalition, (OSWC).  The OSWC is facing a moral and financial crisis very similar to one Gay Rights organizations faced over 30 years ago. At that time it was essential for the survival of our movement that we faced our own bigotry. The current OSWC Board is an exclusionary and segregated world of confirmation bias and...

During those nightmare years at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I started to notice a pattern. It wasn’t a pattern of sickness or death—it was a pattern of survival, even of quality of life. Every person I knew with AIDS who somehow lived two, three, sometimes five years longer than expected had one thing in common: their attitude. Their approach to life—and to living with AIDS— was relentlessly...

In this episode I recall how the members of the LGBTQ+ community tried to prevent me from saving the lives of gay men with AIDS, how we finally got federal legislation to pay for HIV medication as well as how and why i finally left Utah for good.

This is a very humorous story of how I strongarmed the Utah State Legislature into paying for HIV/AIDS medication during the intensely homophobic Bush years.   Even though all my friends in the Democratic minority made it clear to me that I had a snowball's chance of hell of succeeding. I wasn't so sure my goals were quite that unattainable. I had one very powerful tool most democratic pol...

When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin th...

Most westerners think the end of Communism was the end of the story, but it wasn't, not for me, not for the Russians I loved and I left behind.

This episode is about the perils and pleasures of being gay in the Soviet Union and post communist Russia, the necessity of dealing with the KGB, particularly as a gay man, and the day to day realities of survival in the violent chaos that was Russia at that time.

This story is about that frazzled time in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the murders of my family, my boyfriend and my best friend. I realized it was finally time for me to leave Moscow defeated and alone. I finally understood the only way to honor the Russians I loved, both living and dead, was to leave them behind. Someone had to live the happy, contented life they could only...

In this episode I compare Trumps successful tactics to Hitler during his early years as Chancellor of Germany.

I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler's first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying.  I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out: http...

Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact). This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were...

What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care. Instead of hiding we followed the teachin...

In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why di...

In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why di...

In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it's like being transgender in today's America. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclus...

My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self. I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better...

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out: https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948 ")TODAY WE ARE ALL AMERICANS" Abraham Lincoln Celebrate the true, wonderfully diverse America I love and am so proud to be a part of.

LIVE from Gilead, our new Trumptastic American dystopia. Where chaos reigns and Fox New still complains. This is my humorous take on Trump and his MAGAmaniacs at the 100 day mark of Trump's presidency.  Most importantly, the demonstrations are working. So, let's keep it up. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love...

In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts. Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oreg...

This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out: https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948 W...

I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans. We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.   I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience. I...

When I realized Trump had won the election I hugged my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. It felt like I had let him down. “What do we do now?" I asked. He answered, "Even in the depths of hatred we can always bring love back."  I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to m...

In this episode I recall lobbying the US Congress and the Utah State Legislature to pay for HIV meds.   Mormon homosexuals on the downlow and the tragically large population of LGBTQ+ kids living on Utah's streets were often not tested for HIV until they had full blown AIDS. They urgently needed HIV medication to stay alive, but there was no funding to pay for it.  I need help raising money to...