I Wasn't Always Like This

It seems that many of us - me included - have recently been feeling the weight of depression. Along with the pressure to "get back to normal," there are just a lot of feelings swirling around. Please, take a few minutes to listen and to be reminded that none of us are walking this life alone. AND, that we have the opportunity to move forward in this moment, instead of "going back" to anything that...

This episode is a bit longer than any of the others. It covers about 4 and a half years! From the dream house becoming the house of terrors, from the beginning to (almost) the ending of my time at Ursuline College, from the beginning and into the on-going conversation with my Spiritual Companion, through laughter, grief, pain, amazement, triumph, frustration, hope, despair, Gratitude, and - of cou...

The journey continues on, even though we arrived at our destination (so we thought). My time in Ithaca with Maddie was filled with the Love and Support of our dear friend Joan. It was also a time of darkness and punishing depression that caught up with me when I stopped moving. Grateful for Joan, my Mom, Jody, Maddie, and my friend who always speaks the truth to me, for helping to keep me going th...

So much ground to cover - literally, figuratively, inwardly, and outwardly! The ending of a relationship, the ending of my time in Alaska. The beginning of an adventure, the stepping (or, rather, driving) out into the un-known. Stories of Love, loss, grief, Gratitude, and bison await you in this episode. I hope you enjoy it!

This episode takes us through the year 2013. A year of excitement, new beginnings, change, challenges, endings, and learning to live with those endings. SpiritStone Spiritual Center opens its doors (with help from musical friends and the community). I get the opportunity to experience shingles (or, rather, Shingle - you'll hear more about that). Also, the sudden losses of two of my dearest friends...

Stories from the infamous Grand Canyon rafting trip adventure! Deeply spiritual, profoundly heart-breaking, epically terrifying, The River did not disappoint in its Power and Magnificence. Also, in this episode, the discovery that moving is sometimes the best thing we can do when things get rough. And then, sometimes, moving again is necessary! From San Francisco to Boise, Idaho and onward to Anch...

In this episode, we learn what it feels like to find that perfect employment, and to leave it. To go from a 24/7 packed schedule, to hours of vast nothingness. Leaving the familiar to step into the unknown is an opportunity to grow and learn. It's also an opportunity for depression to dig in. Discovering what was my most reliable Source for help was powerful. And enlightening. And, getting knocked...

Welcome to Season 5! 2009 was a pretty epic year: the entrance of Shannon, the welcoming of Maddie into my life, Ordination and Graduation as an InterFaith/InterSpiritual minister, and - after 40+ years of waiting for the moment - my pilgrimage to Assisi, Italy. All of it reminding me to be Grateful that I stayed alive to experience it.  AND the announcement of my book! "From There to Here: a...

Beginnings, endings, travels, planning for more travels. This episode takes us to New York for Seminary, to the heart of the matter of Love, to the future of what could be, and to yet another door opening on yet another learning opportunity! As Michael Devon wrote in his song, "Here": "So we live and we learn but we only learn if we live." The learning continues. 

This is a very full episode! Looking at my inner and outer journeys of finding courage in music, in therapy, in Love, and in metaphorical knife-fighting! Guided by creative musicians, wonderful healers, sweet friends, and the amazing Dan Millman, this moment in my story reminds me that - as long as I agreed to stay - the adventures would never run out! And the episode closes with some tunes that f...

It's important to me to listen when The Universe tells me something. And, this week, it told me to put a hold on my story and talk about what is very real for me. And for many others. That each day, we face this darkness called depression and, sometimes, some days, it is just plain really hard. The Universe reminded me of Ram Dass' beautiful words: "We are all just walking each other home." That i...

Life is unfolding in Alaska! Discoveries of healing, of music, of friendship, of my self. And, of course, the wonderful moments of The Universe doing It's "magical thing" in my life. What is happening is a new way of learning, living, and Being in my own self. While also continuing to navigate my way through living with depression. The negotiations with the worst roommate ever continue. And the gi...

Life a flower planted in a new garden, I had planted myself in Anchorage, Alaska. Exploring my new life there, meeting friends - both human and 4-legged - learning new skills, learning about myself, learning about Love (yes, again!). And making life-long connections with people who entered my life like gifts from The Universe. Welcome to Season 4! (Happy Birthday, Azel!)

Just wanted to say hello during these potentially tricky days between Christmas and New Years. Please, if you are needing support, check in with someone. Anyone. And, if you are doing well, consider reaching out to someone who might be struggling right now. As Ram Dass taught us: We are all just walking each other home. peace

In this bonus episode, we finally get to hear about my spiritual journey, my relationship with That Thing That is Larger Than Me, and my continuously evolving understanding of the difference between the Big-L-Love and little-l-love (including one more mention of pudding!). And how all of this comes together to help keep me going as I continue to live with depression. The most important take away f...

Sharing stories of adventures with friends - and on my own - on the road. Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, and finally, the road that would take me to Alaska. Also looking at the importance of companions, honesty, and being willing to stay open to all of the possibilities that The Universe has to offer. In addition, there's some laughter, some ridiculousness, some sadness, and a new life beginning. Again.

Learning to navigate my "new life" (it truly felt like I started over on my 30th birthday) was challenging as The Universe was attempting to teach me about Love, through both "Big L" and "little l" experiences of it. I was not the most cooperative pupil! However, through friendship, companionship, and the ever-expanding world of my new gig with the theatre company, I was beginning to get the idea!

Looking at 1992, the year leading up to my turning 30, and the acknowledgment of the many “this-is-the-end-of-everything- oh - wait -no-it’s-not” moments I have encountered in my life. The formation of My Boys, the addition of two new friends that would change my life, and - most important of all - The Summit, on my 30th birthday. The moment that would change my life forever. 

This week, I get to introduce one of the most important people in my story. My soul-twin, my other me. My Jimmy. Also, my return to theatre and the discovery of the way I work as an actor, the introduction of The Knights, and continuing to find ways to use the darkness to keeping moving me into the light.  

Settling back into life in Ohio, find my way to living what might be considered a "normal" life. With the help of my lifelines - my family, Carl, Michael, and others - as well as some custom-made mix-8-tracks and a sweet little piano, I continue to find reasons to live and to keep the Demons from moving in and taking over. 

Welcome to Season Three! We begin this new season by taking a look back at my departure from NYC, my time in Hudson, and my return to Cleveland. And seeing all of this through the lens of what Healing means to me: the perpetual, on-going experience of returning to my own strong inner self. 

This episode - which runs a bit longer than previous episodes - takes us right into the experience of ECT (shock treatment). How it impacted me and how I survived it. Life in the hospital, out of the hospital, back into the hospital, and - ultimately - out of New York City (that part of the story is my favourite!). I walked through the valley of the shadow and - miraculously - chose to walk out of...

Six weeks into my stay on the psych unit - 10 West - the arrival of another patient, Clare, brought about a shift in me. Sadly, what I learned from Clare ended up pulling me into a much darker place. I became someone I didn't recognize. And then, I was offered an option that would change everything. Again. 

We have arrived at the part of the story where I admitted myself into the psych unit of a New York City hospital. This episode gives a taste of what life was like on the unit (that word "taste" is a clue - there was a lot of pudding!!). I learned how to navigate the system of tricking my psychiatrists with lies while discovering the power of honesty with one of the psychiatric nurses. Things seem...

Here is where the story goes deeper and gets a bit darker. My time in New York City - although brief - changed the course of my entire life. In this episode, you'll hear a bit more about Michael, about my moment of success on a cabaret stage, a couple of moments that might have made all of this impossible, and the moment that I was truly rescued. Thanks, as always, for listening and for the suppor...