I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

Bradley Cooper is nice to look at and that's about the only good thing we can say about this very confusing and gross movie. While we don't exactly condone watching The Midnight Meat Train on your own time, we are deeply curious to know if anyone has been able to make sense of the ending or the chest barnacles that are still haunting our dreams to this day.   Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! Fo...

Find us four less likable people than the morons leading us through this 76-minute express train to hell, WE DARE YOU. Between the near-constant whining, the lengthy braindead conversations about ghosts and spirituality, and the complete lack of a discernible plot, The Resort may quite possibly be one of the worst movies we've ever covered. If you're inclined to check it out for yourself, we encou...

If you're having a bad day, need a self-esteem booster and want to feel smart,  then Hypnotic is the movie for you! With a plot so simple that a 7th grader could have written it and "twists" so predictable you could see them a mile away in dense fog with a blindfold on, this movie doesn't even attempt to be smarter than its audience and as a result, it's a snoozefest from start to finish.   Don’t...

Things look BLEAK for Riverdale in the Season 6 finale -- Bailey's Comet is hurtling right at this cursed place, no one can escape Percival's bubble dome, and everyone's best hope is the vindictive spirit of Abigail Blossom which is still imprisoned in the creepy Julien doll. In spite of the odds (and our fervent prayers for utter decimation), Archie and the gang survive Doomsday but at what cost?...

Till Death dares to ask the question, what would you do if the ol' ball and chain became a very literal ball and chain? Handcuffed to her husband's dead body, Megan Fox's Emma must complete the most extreme escape room challenge to get out of this crazy scheme alive. It definitely helps that she somehow moves like a stealthy ninja, despite her cumbersome predicament, and that the goons hired to ki...

It's getting down to the wire, and we're FINALLY starting to understand! The science  behind the Rivervale alternate universe is explained! It makes perfect sense why we spent all that time watching Archie unionize the laborers! We even get to see what's going on at good ol' Riverdale High School, and IT ALL COMES TOGETHER! Juuuuust kidding. We get absolutely none of that. We DO get to finally dis...

We're coming at you with a two-fer this week because honestly, folks, we are limping to the finish line here. Episode 19 brought us entirely unwanted and unnecessary closure for failed Archie Comic universe show The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and quite frankly wasted our time, but Episode 20 bombarded us with plot reveals and explanations. And while we did enjoy gaining some semblance of what...

Ahh, to live and die on a white sandy beach...But it's M. Night Shyamalan, so it was never going to be that simple. The relaxing tropical vibe is shattered almost immediately by anemic character development, six-year-olds having sex, stabby schizophrenics, IMPOSSIBLE lung capacity, and a lackluster "twist" ending. We have TONS of questions and (spoiler alert) we do a pretty terrible job of attempt...

If, like us, you're a 90s kid and grew up with a perfectly rational fear of the haunting dead-eyed stare of one Charles Entertainment Cheese, this movie WILL trigger you. It's almost too easy to accept that Willy's Wonderland had once been operated by a ring of serial killers who then all committed suicide in a satanic ritual which preserved their murderous souls in the bodies of animatronic chara...

If you thought that a movie filmed in 12 days on one beach with an undisclosed (probably shoestring) budget would be a big mistake, we're here to tell you that you're absolutely right. Flawed from the sand up, this movie posits questions it never bothers to answer, tries to get us invested in a love triangle with three of the most unlikeable humans known to man, and at the end of the day, REFUSES...

It's the wedding of the century, and everyone is invited, including frogs, locusts, assorted other Biblical plagues...oh, and Kevin. Toni and Fangs tying the knot is supposed to unite Riverdale, but instead it makes Veronica realize how sad and alone she is and distracts the rest of the gang from keeping an eye on Percival, who ends up murdering all the first-born children in Riverdale. Whoops. Wh...

This 2022 horror flick is NOT for the faint of heart (RIP Howard) but the scares have nothing to do with the bloody murders, gator attacks or eyeball kebabs and EVERYTHING TO DO with the aggressive hair brushing, the non-consensual spooning, and all that elderly nudity. This movie will burn your retinas and make your skin crawl, so if that doesn't sound like a good time, just listen to our recap!...

As a post-Father's Day treat, we bring you the mother of all daddy issues movies! This thing is a train wreck from start to finish -- the dubbing, Nurse 3D's acting, the absolutely bonkers costume design, and the thinnest of plots. Another one that has to be seen (and heard) to be believed...please do yourself a favor and check this one out so you can laugh along with us!   Don’t forget to rate an...

Musical episode? What musical episode? If you hate Riverdalians bursting into song as much as we do, you'll be pleasantly surprised with the Season 6 version of one because there were barely any musical numbers at all. Instead, we get childish curses gone awry, a worker's union sing-a-long, and an unsatisfying attempt at closure on all this TBK business. But we survived, which is more than we can...

We hope you enjoyed National Doughnut Day on June 3rd because after you watch this movie/listen to our recap, you'll probably never want to eat another doughnut again. While we did find this movie to be a fun and creative concept, we were definitely caught off guard by the gratuitous farting and graphic deaths that resulted from said farting. However, we were NOT surprised by the mediocre acting,...

Us: Omg this episode of Riverdale was SO BORING. Also us: *talks about this episode of Riverdale for almost an hour* Okay, so we underestimated just how much we'd have to say about Anthony being a baby Serpent, Percival's seemingly endless supply of mind tricks, and all the asinine batshittery that has been promised to us in the upcoming musical episode. If you didn't watch this episode yet, just...

Welcome to the episode that almost ended our podcast! We've never been so divided about a movie we've covered, and we came ready to fight about it. In case you've never heard of it, Rubber is a painfully indie movie about a homicidal car tire and the "studio audience" who watches the action unfold through binoculars in the desert. If that sounds weird, it honestly doesn't even scratch the surface....

This episode is a classic example of Riverdale's biggest problem -- not knowing when to quit. Dear Riverdale, WE ARE TIRED of the serial killer gene nonsense (it's not even a real thing universally recognized by science); WE ARE TIRED of new characters with weird/sketchy vibes; WE ARE TIRED of ghosts interfering with plans to move Pop's before Percival can bulldoze it. Okay, that last one is new,...

Welcome to yet another episode of Riverdale we hated (and watched anyway)! Were you disturbed by the weird threesome energy of that VeBArchie scene? Did you roll your eyes at the shameless retconning of Hal Cooper into an exaggerated caricature of what a serial killer would be like as a dad? And are you fed up with that spiteful old cow, Nana Rose? Well, you have friends here, because we said yes...

Normally, we stan a petty queen, but Percival takes his pestering to a whole new level in this week's episode of Riverdale by making it his mission to recover overdue library books. If we're being honest, we'd rather be charged with misdemeanor theft than be subjected to eczema bordering on leprosy, swampy ghosts of child predators past, or developing the venomous characteristics of a black widow...

We cannot overstate our adoration of this movie trilogy. It truly has everything we look for in a hate-watch: terrible dialogue, confusing attempts at a plot, enormous holes in the fabric of the story, and deeply flawed main characters who we are somehow supposed to root for. Just like its predecessor, 365 Days: This Day hits every single mark, and also THAT PLOT TWIST, Y'ALL!? The wild ride conti...

Typically, we love the trope of "weird weather acting as a plot device," but this character-driven episode of Riverdale sadly misses the mark. Even though we finally get to address some of the forgotten plot points of the season, we're SO BORED by the predictability and repetitive nonsense that Riverdale is unfortunately becoming known for. With an impending apocalypse, our burning question is...d...

If we were chronokinetic, we would go back in time and stop this atrocious season of Riverdale from happening. From ever evolving superpowers to weird religious undertones, these two episodes are everything we hate, saved from being a total waste of time only by KJ Apa's abs. Apparently, the apocalypse is coming to Riverdale, but maybe not soon enough. Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! Follow us...

Take the money and run...is NOT what Jason Segel does in this movie. And if he had, he would have saved us all a lot of time. Maybe he couldn't run in those boots that were significant for some reason that is never fully explained? Or maybe he was on some kind of personal moral quest that would have made more sense if it had ever been revealed to us? This movie provides ZERO answers, and we have a...

This week, we're actually in total agreement with Percival Pickens' plan to put an end to gang violence in Riverdale which either means we've officially gone crazy OR Percival's mind control powers work long distance. But don't worry, we still have plenty of complaints about Abigail's basket of cyanide scones, the deeply toxic relationship that is Veggie, and the return of Julien... Don’t forget t...