I Am The Cute One

After the Cute Ones fight about Lifetime movie look-a-likes and Tony Danza appearing gay, they spend the time figuring out who is the Crazy One as they cover the 2002 feminist flop, Swimfan. They spend the hour comparing their motives for being nuts, contemplating if Donny is having a midlife crisis, praying for the release of Jesse Bradford and Azealia Banks’ leaked tapes, and arguing with Gen Z...

Happy half birthday, Donny! To celebrate, his penis is growing and he’s telling Big Brother 26 alumni about Chelsea’s hatred of men. Meanwhile, Chelsea has been talking to cat people, making jewelry out of teeth, and using Chat Roulette with a personal pan pizza. After 20 minutes of that, the Cute Ones discuss the Emmy Awards, Trump’s hatred of Taylor Swift, Diddy’s arrest, an asteroid zooming pas...

After watching a movie that somehow Chelsea and Donny both enjoyed, Chelsea tries to ruin it by talking about feminism right off the bat. Unfortunately for her, this movie has a second message that Donny can fully support. But the duo bonds over learning lyrics, their origin story, the way to impress them at karaoke, and Donny’s history with Chris Daughtry. Also, if you recently met Chelsea, she i...

Chelsea and Donny are trying to be grown ups this week, including not soiling themselves, doing some banking, contemplating getting a kitten, and having A-Ha moments. This week also brought us the Presidential debate, the VMAs, Rachel Zoe’s divorce, and Kendrick Lamar being announced as the Super Bowl halftime performer, but the duo won’t be talking about that - instead, Donny finds an excuse to d...

Brittany Murphy isn’t the only crazy bxtch in this episode, Cuties. Little Black Book may have had Chelsea pacing through her house, but it’s nothing compared to how she and Donny have made their exes sweat in the past. However… that’s nothing compared to Donny actively bleeding from the head through this recording. It may cost $450 to rent a moon bounce, but that won’t stop this duo from getting...

Happy Friday, Cuties and Fallen Angels! You should be successful 100% of the time, so we hope you want to be thrown in chaos right now… because this episode will make sure you’re successful at it. Get felt up in an escape room for an hour and pull up a chair because this week was full of headlines: the anniversary of Obama’s tan suit, the Beetlejuice Beetlejuice premiere, the end of brat summer, a...

With the break from movies over, it’s time for Donny to confess something to Chelsea. Consider it revenge for her picking a movie longer than 2 hours. More revenge is dished out when Donny shares details about his lust for Ben Stiller while discussing Mystery Men. Also, Chelsea is not a supportive spouse but Donny is a gassy one. Perhaps it’s the grocery store-bought tuna melts. And remember: when...

Now that the horse party is over, silence is officially upon us, but not for long if Donny gets his way and shouts slurs at the start of every episode. And if Chelsea gets her way… you’ll be seeing a lot of raccoons. But besides that, the US Open began, Oasis is possibly reuniting, and a Baywatch documentary premiered. Also, Chelsea only had to bring up Truman Capote once to get Donny interested i...

Best is different than favorite, but Dakota Wright is here to prove that Clueless is both! While Dakota is our self-identified Cher, Donny shares how he would get extra credit by telling his teachers he was getting extra credit. Then, the three discuss the worst mid-party makeovers, cooking on dates, backseat drivers, and failing the driver's test. Also, Chelsea reveals more family secrets.  If to...

Chelsea is still relaxing (or painting?!) after her weekend off and Donny is lying to his friends about the movies he watches, but the news cycle doesn’t stop. And so the cuties discuss Jennifer Lopez, Trump being tricked by AI, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, and Bravo hot topics. Also, cockroaches have returned back to work, and Blake Lively must be protected! If today's episode makes you laug...

This week, Donny and Chelsea are joined by Emily Hanks, host of She's Speaking, to cover American Pie. The movie may not be mean (thanks, Rog!), but it is... a lot of other bad things (this movie... does not age well, even though there's only a few pie thrusts!) The three relive their worst bedroom experiences and discuss fuzzy porn, hot cartoon characters, and which household items can be used as...

TGIF, Cuties! In a week full of “It Ends With Us” drama, the end of the Olympics and a new Bachelor, Chelsea is binge watching WWE clips and coming fresh from Newport News after hanging out with Cuties who were bored by her presence while Donny is flushing his green poops, chowing down on ring bologna, and living his “Dance Moms” fantasies. Also, astronauts are stuck in space (not like Sandra Bull...

Donny and Chelsea give an important announcement (listen to the first 5 minutes!) Then, Chelsea flourishes when she discovers she has a friend in Troy McEady, who also made "Garden State" his entire personality in the early aughts. They discuss manic pixie dream girls, The Drew Barrymore Show, naming pets, and Donny's (former) Asian grandmother. Also, Chelsea *accidentally* did more drugs as a you...

Chelsea may not feel like the Cute One tonight, but Donny can’t stop looking at himself. In a week full of stomach bugs, missed recordings, and Chelsea and Donny hanging out in Baltimore, we were also graced with Zac Efron’s health scare, Tampon Tim as the Vice President nominee, and an “Auntie Anne’s” scented perfume. Also, Chelsea is obsessed with TikTok drama and Donny Donny can’t get enough of...

This week, the Cute Ones recap “The Witches,” a movie that defined Chelsea’s personality and inspired her tramp stamp, with Dara Laine Sussman. Roald Dahl’s books are for little freaks, and Donny, Chelsea, and Dara prove they fit right in with their stories of hamster haircuts, parakeet mating rituals, British mice, and Philadelphia’s Disney vault. The trio also perform an in-depth analysis on the...

Happy August, Cuties! Donny’s had a rough day (or six months), but nothing could have prepared him for the questions he was asked at the Ludacris concert. Meanwhile, Chelsea and Dr. Bald have officially become disciples (not for Jesus, but for Julie Chen, so… pretty close). Besides that big news, Ashley Tisdale has gone platinum, Carrie Bradshaw and St. Louise reunited in Paris, and JD Vance fxcke...

Please rise for the National Anthem! The 1st Annual Morally Corrupt Month has officially come to an end with recap of a movie Roger Ebert had A LOT to say about, "The Other Sister." After offending the un-footed community, Chelsea remembers she's a grown up and describes the out of shape ghoul haunting her neighborhood. Meanwhile, Donny's former flings may not be alive, but his current lovers ARE...

Chelsea and Donny may busy being empathetic, trolling Trixie Mattel's fans and getting thicker cvm, but besides that, Donny worked the Big Brother 26 premiere party and Chelsea survived the Microsoft crash. Once they're finished talking about themselves, they discuss Jojo Siwa, the I Know What You Did Last Summer reboot, chickens laying yummy yummy bread, and the 20th Anniversary "re-release" of A...

Thanks to today’s sponsor, Green Chef! Head to Greenchef.com/cuteone50 and use code CUTEONE50 to get 50%, plus 20% off your next two months! Austin Butler didn’t win the Oscar for Elvis, Connie Britton looks like a dried up cinnamon stick, Nicholas Cage trains crows, and Helen Keller may not have been real (if you ask Gen Z). The Cute Ones discuss those hot topics, as well as twins making out, dif...

Chelsea is back from sequestering and surviving a ferry accident, and Donny is still healing from being mistreated by one of his (former) favorite actresses, but they are still here to cover this week’s hottest headlines. Kind of. Donny made his debut on The Daily Mail, and Lindsay Hubbard’s pregnancy resulted in an advertisement and an early eviction from The Traitors. With Donny coming into his...

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If you thought Chelsea and Donny weren’t equipped to discuss movies or current events, well - you're right, but you ain’t seen nothing yet. Because today they’re really all in, and tackling… unsolicited advice! You sent in your questions, Cuties, and Donny and Chelsea are helping out. Well - kind of. If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Ap...

Chelsea and Donny couldn't celebrate Morally Corrupt Month without featuring THEE most morally corrupt movie of all time: Never Been Kissed. Relive this episode with Christine Biancavilla as the Cute Ones discuss the best SNL casts, Dunkin Donuts parking lots, a cancellable statement about Gen Z, and the power of "No Scrubs." (This episode originally aired February 6, 2022.) If today's episode mak...

The day we knew would come has come at last: not the end of Chelchella or Pride; no, Charlotte the Stingray has passed. While the Cute Ones put on their tinfoil hats to figure out why, they also discuss Chelsea’s tornado-ridden trip to Florida (you can see the wreckage on TikTok!) and Donny’s Pride weekend (you can see the wreckage in the gender neutral restroom at Boxers!) Also, they ponder the b...

It's the first annual Morally Corrupt Month and what better movie to kick it off than Marci X, a film about Lisa Kudrow solving racism by rapping. Chelsea may have saved herself for marriage, but Donny is ready to love Jacques (the mouse from Cinderella) right in the butt. Buckle up cuties, because the call is coming from the house this month and no one is safe. Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus...