I Am The Cute One

Every day is a spirit day at this podcast (and at Coco and Sapphire’s school), and today’s themes are boat wear, celebrity scarves, and iconic guests as Piaget Ventus of Pia Pops Off joins the Cute Ones. The three discuss Ma 2, the Black Power Ranger, the TONY Awards and the Beckham family drama. Also, Sinners is great; who knew? INTRODUCTION 4:00: chelsea’s bday weekend/all good music festival 5:...

Getting elbowed in the face is not suggested after a nose job, and neither is watching “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” if you don’t like wasting time. The Cute Ones teach you everything you need to know about Bensalem, Pennsylvania before Donny signs up for Harvard classes and Chelsea comes for students with perfect attendance. Also, Jennifer Grey and Matthew Broderick killed someone and Barry Bostwick...

What a week, Cuties! Avril Lavigne… or Melissa, flies, home improvement projects, and Harriet Tubman got the Cute Ones through their weeks, but now they’re here with Kendrick to break down the week’s hottest (per them) headlines. The three discuss Patti Lupone’s apology, Paige DeSorbo’s new nightwear, and Julia Stiles trying to fxck her dad. Also, Donny and Chelsea want to go back on Kendrick’s po...

Chelchella has arrived, and Donny is in Hell-chella (we're workshopping it). He may have only understood 98% of Predestination, but luckily he has Chelsea's brother to help him through it this episode. What he won't need assistance for is k*lling someone, but it's not legal yet, so we're safe. They also discuss Donny's student film, the logistics of time travel, and what volume level you should li...

It was a week of crash outs for the Cute Ones, but they’re on the other side of it (mostly) and ready to talk about everything else that happened this week: Lilo and Stitch, Pee Wee as Himself, and Netflix’s Sirens. Also, Donny is losing his mind with news of Lea Michele’s return to Broadway and updates about P*tti L*pone’s interview about stage icons Audra McDonald and Kecia Lewis. And also… Tom...

It’s a High Holy Day! Chelsea’s phone is broken, and she’s forced to get a new one. But also, the Cute Ones are watching “A Goofy Movie” (a movie not really about Goofy, but about his son) in honor of its 30th anniversary. Max isn’t dead yet, so the duo cover women who fish, last day of school assemblies, white trash activities, and other worldly monsters. Also, is it okay to find your Dad attract...

Donny is 50 days sober, so emotionally, he's zooting (look it up) himself up in space, while Chelsea is making sure liquor store employees listen to the podcast, forcing people to watch MILF Manor, and making fun of people's speech impediments - to their face. Also, the Cute Ones discuss the Gemini Jail Break and check in on Blake Lively. Cuties, if you love yourself... DO NOT see "Hurry Up Tomorr...

This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc. com/CUTE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify Th...

Donny and Chelsea waste no time shooting the elephants in the room (and they don’t include breakaway pants), and then Chelsea teaches an etiquette course before Chris DeRosa and Dominick Pupa of “Fixing Famous People” Podcast join them. The quartet discuss the trailer to Ryan Murphy (and Kim Kardashian’s) “All’s Fair,” Sonja Morgan’s dinner, and the logistics of one woman shows. Also - shit has of...

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community! Get your Cutie MERCH! We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now o...

The patriarchy is alive and unwell, and Donny has found a way to survive another week without being cancelled. Meanwhile, Chelsea is singing Katy Perry, learning Spanish, and recovering from a Descendants birthday party. Also recovering are the guests of the Million Lives Conference and anybody who watched Another Simple Favor. And remember, Cuties: wear whatever the f you want! To access AD FREE...

Your stockings are hung by the chimney with care, visions of sugarplums danced through your heads; now complete your holiday morning by listening to a recap of everyone's favorite Christmas movie that came out in April, "While You Were Sleeping!" Danny Murphy, the eyes and lips behind ⁠@kashmeredanny⁠,  starts the episode by giving Chelsea a recipe for a new holiday cocktail and Donny laments over...

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community! Get your Cutie MERCH! We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now o...

The Cute Ones are ending Morally Corrupt Month with White Chicks, the movie that aged the worst out of the bunch (maybe the voters at the MTV Movie Award knew what they were talking about). Roger Ebert may have hated it, but Donny and Chelsea had the time of their lives, with Chelsea being moved to tears and Donny... not getting the main joke. Besides the movie, they weigh in about dutch ovens, Gr...

This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc! Go to Zocdoc.com/CUTE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Donny’s got a new doctor… and a new diagnosis. The good news? Chelsea (who is not in a fur vest) saw “Oh, Mary!” and has a retraction from (incorrect) education she spewed a few weeks ago. More good news? The Cute Ones hung out this week, and they visited… a landfill? All in the same wee...

The Cute Ones are here to answer a very important question this week: what IS eating Gilbert Grape? Donny and Chelsea aren’t sure, but they ARE sure that Arnie knows a secret (and that Donny shouldn’t do his Arnie impression in public). Besides the movie, the two discuss alliteration, vegans’ opinions on bug deaths, Chelsea’s new vocal stem, and their favorite water towers. This episode is sponsor...

The Cute Ones discuss the latest book in the Hunger Games universe, Sunrise on the Reaping! Also, should Big Dick Donny get a toupee? To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for u...

Happy April 14, Cuties! To celebrate (is that the right word?) the 113th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, Donny and Chelsea are pairing up with the chaotic minds of Zach and Sloane, hosts of the Mummy Dearest podcast. The four discuss why cruises are the perfect vacation, why your friends shouldn't do their own thing on group trips, and what they'd do if they had 2.5 hours to live. Also, rememb...

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community! Get your Cutie MERCH! We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now o...

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community! We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video! Follow Us on...

Chelsea had PMS this week and decided to channel her womanly rage into a fight with Donny about Garcelle Beauvais and Lisa Rinna, even though they're aligned on loving one and hating the other. Something else they can agree on: it's Noor's, friend of the pod, fault. The two also compare their weekends, and Donny's was... traumatic, to say the least. Then, they discuss Million Dollar Secret on Netf...

Donny Appreciation Month has come to an end, and the Cute Ones are Marshmallows, Veronica Mars. That’s right - on this movie podcast, Donny and Chelsea are covering… a television pilot. And also “A Walk to Remember” for about three minutes. The two also compare the relationship with Veronica and her father to the ghastly duo of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, plan future Halloween costumes, and vent abo...

Chelsea is hungover from being vulnerable but Donny is NOT hungover from last week (because he knows his body and doesn’t take shots!). In reality TV news, Garcelle has announced her departure from RHOBH and E! Online has announced their (very wrong) lineup of best Housewives. Also, it must be a day that ends in “Y” because fake casting for “The Traitors” is making its way around the internet, and...

Is Moulin Rouge, the movie about dying in a brothel, appropriate for children? The Cute Ones figure it out! They also get to the bottom of what it’s like being buried in a Pringles can and who comes up with ideas for strip routines. Then, Chelsea and Lil’ Herpes discuss consumption. A lot. To get access to BIG BROTHER EXPRESS on March 19 at 9pm est, subscribe to our Patreon!  If today's episode ma...

Chelsea is looking great on her new computer, and her mental health is refreshed after her meeting with @LilMissPetPsychic and her dog/bear, and Donny is refreshed after getting a full body massage from a Boxers bartender and being stuck in an elementary classroom for an hour. They also discuss THEE episode of 9-1-1 (Give Jennifer Love Hewitt an Emmy!), Donny’s voice notes during surprise bowel mo...